Blogs


Notices

The Dating Game..Help Needed!

Old 02-17-2012, 10:07 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
The Dating Game..Help Needed!

It's been over a year now that the xah has been gone
Day after day, people ask if Im dating yet
I just blow off the question and move on

Until now....

I got in a deep discussion last night with one of close girlfriends
and she asked me the question: Why arent you dating yet!?!?!?

My answer's were all over the board
I felt like I was trapped in a corner

I came home, sat and thought about it

Is it because I havent faced my xah since he left me?
Is it because Im figuring out me?
Is it because Im afraid of love?
Am I still in love with him?

The question's I asked myself were actually about 3 pages long...

Why cant I find the answer to this question??
BobbyJ is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to BobbyJ For This Useful Post:
fourmaggie (02-18-2012), Impurrfect (02-17-2012), naive (02-17-2012), Tuffgirl (02-18-2012), Willybluedog (02-18-2012)
Old 02-17-2012, 10:11 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 32,095
Maybe it's just too soon. When you're ready, I think you'll know.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (02-17-2012), Impurrfect (02-17-2012), laurie6781 (02-17-2012), Willybluedog (02-18-2012)
Old 02-17-2012, 11:18 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Willybluedog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Blog Entries: 3
I think that is such a personal issue, so very individual, after my wife left me I hung back for about six months, then I did a lot of casual dating, I asked lots of women out, just for lunch or a downtown event.

I made it clear that it was absolutely a friendly no pressure, and especially a no sex date. I asked lots and lots of women out, I went on 5 or 6 dates a week just to get used to dating again. I had not been on a date in 15 years so I was just getting used to being out there again.

I think it is a lot harder for women, it's hard to ask a man out, and so many people I met were desperate to get remarried (both men and women, but especially men).

Don't let people push you into something you are not comfortable with, if your not ready, then be very direct with them, you were hurt by your spouse, it takes time to heal, and everyone is different, I was not looking to get married again, not even thinking about it, when this woman just bowls me over, 2nd date and I felt like I knew her all my life, when we left the restaraunt she grabbed me and kissed me and I was struck by lightning, I was "done gone" right then, game over, 15 years later i am still absolutely crazy about her.

You are on your own time-table, do what you want to do, ignore yoru friends and family, listen to your head and your heart.

Big hugs and best of luck,

Bill
Willybluedog is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Willybluedog For This Useful Post:
akalacha (02-18-2012), BobbyJ (02-18-2012), Diva76 (02-18-2012), Impurrfect (02-17-2012), LostinBA (02-18-2012), Ponder (02-18-2012), StarCat (02-20-2012), suki44883 (02-18-2012), Tatertot (02-20-2012)
Old 02-17-2012, 11:43 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
 
laurie6781's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Simple answer:

Because you are not ready yet.

You are still working on you. You have a whole list of questions for yourself that you have not answered yet.

When you become TOTALLY comfortable with YOU, then you won't feel like you have to date and you will date again.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
laurie6781 is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to laurie6781 For This Useful Post:
akalacha (02-18-2012), anvilhead (02-18-2012), BobbyJ (02-18-2012), Freedom1990 (02-18-2012), Impurrfect (02-17-2012), StarCat (02-20-2012), Tuffgirl (02-18-2012), Willybluedog (02-18-2012)
Old 02-18-2012, 12:03 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
People ask the dumbest questions when they care about you!
Does it bother *you* that you're not dating? If not, then don't worry about figuring it out.
lillamy is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (02-18-2012), Ponder (02-18-2012), Willybluedog (02-18-2012)
Old 02-18-2012, 05:55 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: near by
Posts: 151
Perhaps you don't yet trust your ability to choose the "right" kind of person to date. I am married to an alcoholic, and if we ever split, I would not want to date for a very long time, if ever. I would always be so wary of falling for someone with a drinking/addiction problem again. If a potential date took even a sip of alcohol, my alarm bells would go berzerk.

Give yourself all the time YOU need.
feelingalone43 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to feelingalone43 For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (02-18-2012)
Old 02-18-2012, 09:08 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4
Originally Posted by laurie6781 View Post
Simple answer:

Because you are not ready yet.

You are still working on you. You have a whole list of questions for yourself that you have not answered yet.

When you become TOTALLY comfortable with YOU, then you won't feel like you have to date and you will date again.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
Laurie beat me to it. LOL!

I have to ask you a question in return - why do you NEED to date right now? And that's rhetorical, btw.

What is it about being single and alone that freaks so many people out, ya know? Like its not ok to not be involved or romantically attached or married....jeesh. It's perfectly ok. And enjoy it - because with relationships comes hassles we don't have when we are single.

The grass is no greener on one side or the other.
Tuffgirl is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Tuffgirl For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (02-18-2012)
Old 02-18-2012, 12:28 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
LaTeeDa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
What is it about being single and alone that freaks so many people out, ya know? Like its not ok to not be involved or romantically attached or married....jeesh. It's perfectly ok. And enjoy it - because with relationships comes hassles we don't have when we are single.
Oh, and if you DO start dating, then the other questions start. Like when are you going to move in, get married, etc. I've been dating the same guy for almost five years. We have separate residences and mostly only see each other on weekends. We travel together on vacation. It's beautiful. But, for some reason, some people think it's not enough. We should be "moving to the next step..." LOL.

Don't worry about what other people think you SHOULD do. Listen to what your spirit WANTS you to do.

L
LaTeeDa is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to LaTeeDa For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (02-18-2012), LifeRecovery (02-20-2012), StarCat (02-20-2012), wicked (02-18-2012)
Old 02-18-2012, 07:28 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
I AM CANADIAN
 
fourmaggie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Blog Entries: 45
Question I ask is Is it really that important? To me..its been 2 years for me, just starting to date, as of tonite...I am content with me...I don't nees a man I realize, but now, I would like one....me and my recovery needs attention rite now, and so do the kids
fourmaggie is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to fourmaggie For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (02-18-2012)
Old 02-20-2012, 02:42 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Lord Have Mercy
 
djayr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 242
I've been legally separated for 3 months and I'm not even close to dating. I think I'm scared of women! I think I have warped ideas that marriage and relationships are a trap, and I just escaped from a trap.

So I have a long way to go.

Everyone is different.
djayr is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:39 AM.