justrae83, I understand how bad you feel
 

I posted a while ago under Said. I too, lived w/ an acoholic pot smoker who just threw me aside like an old rag after 6 years, for another (heroin addict) woman, and they just recently got married. He treated me similarly, blamed me for all his problems, etc. But that is what addicts do, because they are unable to take responsibility on themselves, also, as many people have pointed out, their only real love is their substance, and whoever is around using with them is just a "using buddy", as they are unable to form any real bond, due to the fact that they are bonded with their substance. My ex and his new wife, then, are really only married so they can both have their own relationships with drugs and alcohol. Although I am heartbroken, I know how hard it was to live with someone whose only real love was his substance, and who only "held me hostage" as they say in Al-Anon, to have someone there with him. It has been a long road, and I know that I need to work on myself and my co-dependant issues as well, but also know that they are sick, and that you, in time, can be well, and that you never have to take that kind of treatment from anyone again. It's not just you, they can't be available to anyone. See if you can find the post "What Addicts Do" in the stickies; this opened my eyes to some truths about them. Many hugs.

Hey there!

I've been on that rocky ride that you're on right now. I can only promise you that it gets much better. It's sad that AH's or anyone for that matter can come into our lives and make us question ourselves.

Your story is similar to mine. I have never been that low in my life I felt like my life was rocked and I wasn't centered any longer. After I picked up what was left of my life I was more understanding and had a better foundation to "take care of my AH" but do it in a way where I put myself first.

Just remember you're not alone and time is your best friend right now.

Joe

You took the first strong step by realizing the issue and breaking up with him. You are not responsible for his decision to use, although he may find reasons to blame you. He has to do that, he can't blame himself. That is part of the disease. You didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. You can only take care of yourself. Trust me, he is with a new partner only because for now that person is likely not getting the situation. So he can have fun and not feel guilty. That is not a healthy relationship. You are much healthier on your own.
Like others have said, be prepared for when he contacts you again. Do the work now, know your boundaries and stand firm. You will find a lot of support here.

I like your post, a lot, English garden. Should I not blame myself though for when I raged at my xabf when he turned on me brutally? I lost my head and raged at him through email since he was such a coward and blocked my number on his cell before he "made the vicious turn". I also took out my anger on his enabling mother and let her know exactly what I thought. I know they feel "justified" now in thinking its ME that is the problem. I just wish I had been better able to control myself, but after 7 months of hell I just couldn't anymore. I might have had a stroke if I had continued to hold all of that in.

Lots of solid support and empathy here. It is hard to accept insanity. In our loved ones. In ourselves.

His alcoholism almost made me insane. Ugh.