Flowers delivered on my doorstep
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: On a Rollercoaster Ride
Posts: 46
Flowers delivered on my doorstep
I got home yesterday to find a box on my doorstep, with flowers and chocolate.
I was afraid to open the box, going back and forth in my mind, thinking oh maybe they were from my Mom and Dad or my son...deep in side I knew, and honestly hoped they were from him...YES...they were... so...I called him... I felt strong enough, and he didnt pick up, I really dont want to start kicking myself in the ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It has been over 2 months, back to therapy today......this past weekend, I finally was able to really cry, to a drive and cried for almost over 60 miles, in between I stopped at the beach, where we were to get married in June, I really needed to do this, because I really havent been able to cry, it helped some, and I've been praying and praying and praying......reaching out.....I did leave a short message...I'm hoping that I dont end up beating myself up over calling him................
I was afraid to open the box, going back and forth in my mind, thinking oh maybe they were from my Mom and Dad or my son...deep in side I knew, and honestly hoped they were from him...YES...they were... so...I called him... I felt strong enough, and he didnt pick up, I really dont want to start kicking myself in the ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It has been over 2 months, back to therapy today......this past weekend, I finally was able to really cry, to a drive and cried for almost over 60 miles, in between I stopped at the beach, where we were to get married in June, I really needed to do this, because I really havent been able to cry, it helped some, and I've been praying and praying and praying......reaching out.....I did leave a short message...I'm hoping that I dont end up beating myself up over calling him................
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Glad you could finally let it out, sometimes it is the only way to really cleanse yourself of the pain.
Remeber, what happens going forward is strictly up to you, don't beat yourself up over this, decide what you are going to do and do it, my therapist says, "own your decision".
Big hugs to you, if you need to talk, I will be here.
Bill
Remeber, what happens going forward is strictly up to you, don't beat yourself up over this, decide what you are going to do and do it, my therapist says, "own your decision".
Big hugs to you, if you need to talk, I will be here.
Bill
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
It's a process, not perfection and yes, don't beat yourself up. I agree, understand that it is you making decisions each day that affect your own peace of mind and well-being. It's very tough now but I promise it passes. A hug......
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Someone told me once that they don't give out chips for recovery in Al-Anon because nobody would make it past the first day. There are so many changes to make in our lives, so many things that fell apart, and we push ourselves so hard to be perfect all at once and it's not going to happen.
I think these little slips of ours serve an important purpose in our recovery, though... They remind us of how far we have come. Part of recovery is in not slipping into the old patterns, but sometimes we forget how long it has been since we have slipped into that pattern until we are reminded because we just slipped. "Ooooh, I'm not supposed to do that anymore... Hey, wait a minute! I haven't done that in a long time!"
Don't beat yourself up, life is a learning experience. Be grateful it went to voicemail, and use this as a reminder of how long you have come and how long it has been since you've given in to an urge to call him.
(Besides, holidays are especially difficult. When I broke things off with XABF while he was in rehab, he did alright until Valentine's Day, which was the day when stalker-mode got turned on. Meantime my slip was for his birthday, January 31st, so I guess he lasted longer than I did! "Family" holidays, birthdays, anniversaries... All of them are tough for awhile.)
I think these little slips of ours serve an important purpose in our recovery, though... They remind us of how far we have come. Part of recovery is in not slipping into the old patterns, but sometimes we forget how long it has been since we have slipped into that pattern until we are reminded because we just slipped. "Ooooh, I'm not supposed to do that anymore... Hey, wait a minute! I haven't done that in a long time!"
Don't beat yourself up, life is a learning experience. Be grateful it went to voicemail, and use this as a reminder of how long you have come and how long it has been since you've given in to an urge to call him.
(Besides, holidays are especially difficult. When I broke things off with XABF while he was in rehab, he did alright until Valentine's Day, which was the day when stalker-mode got turned on. Meantime my slip was for his birthday, January 31st, so I guess he lasted longer than I did! "Family" holidays, birthdays, anniversaries... All of them are tough for awhile.)
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