Blogs


Notices

D6 standing up for herself

Old 02-11-2012, 02:11 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
wicked's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Blog Entries: 1
Beth- I grew up being told that what I saw and heard and KNEW was wrong (and I'd speak up vs my siblings who stayed silent) was right and I grew up to be an adult with NO ability to trust my perceptions, feelings, intuition. Identifying what my MIL did in that instant, I had a flood of feelings through me like I can't describe. I hate that for even an instant my daughter had that same experience as me. The difference I guess is that I had no one telling me my perception was right and my daughter has me validating her.
I had a rush of feelings too! I was furious that woman called both you and your daughter a liar. She knows she lied but she is gonna bully your daughter into believing she is the good person.
It is thrilling that you were there to validate your daughter. Let her talk about gma, I have a feeling there is much more in her treasure chest of strange things she has said to your daughter. It is baffling.
The best thing now is your daughter knows you believe her and her reality.
How different would my life be, or your life if the adults in our lives listened to us.
Just listened. And said, Honey, you are right, that was a terrible thing for him to say, and a big hug. Validating my reality.

Beth
wicked is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to wicked For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (02-11-2012), wanttobehealthy (02-12-2012), Willybluedog (02-12-2012)
Old 02-12-2012, 12:22 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
Blog Entries: 3
Hanging up on her...is EXACTLY correct.
She obviously did NOT want to acknowledge or apologize for the things she said that hurt your D feelings.
time to go completely NC.
blwninthewind is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to blwninthewind For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (02-12-2012), wanttobehealthy (02-12-2012), Willybluedog (02-12-2012)
Old 02-12-2012, 12:39 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by wicked View Post
I had a rush of feelings too! I was furious that woman called both you and your daughter a liar. She knows she lied but she is gonna bully your daughter into believing she is the good person.
It is thrilling that you were there to validate your daughter. Let her talk about gma, I have a feeling there is much more in her treasure chest of strange things she has said to your daughter. It is baffling.
The best thing now is your daughter knows you believe her and her reality.
How different would my life be, or your life if the adults in our lives listened to us.
Just listened. And said, Honey, you are right, that was a terrible thing for him to say, and a big hug. Validating my reality.

Beth
I know it's worthless to worry about the future BUT, I worry about how D6's own father will perpetuate the message from his mother. His need to believe his mother is some ideal person is far greater than his concern for his children (which I never ever wanted to believe but now have seen is the case).

His hatred of me combined with his intolerance for hearing that his mother is anything other than perfect makes me pretty sure that he will do whatever it takes (including causing my kids to question their reality and invalidate their feelings) to maintain HIS comfort...

So, I worry. I can reassure D6 tons and will have NC with MIL for myself and the girls, but xAH will still have access to the girls and can have his mother have access when they are with him and I worry about their well being...

Again, I know that worry is futile bc I can't control what others do, but when I think about what I know they are all capable of doing to hurt my kids, it makes me sick to think about what the girls might have to be subjected to...
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (02-12-2012), LifeRecovery (02-12-2012), Willybluedog (02-12-2012)
Old 02-12-2012, 03:21 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 386
I know you must be so proud of your daughter. What a strong, smart, courageous and mature girl! And her hair looks great!
jessiec is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to jessiec For This Useful Post:
akalacha (02-12-2012), wanttobehealthy (02-12-2012), Willybluedog (02-12-2012)
Old 02-12-2012, 04:46 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Willybluedog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Blog Entries: 3
WTBH,

You are the one they will spend most of their time with, you will form their reality, also if they feel threatened or pressured then IMO it's ok to tell them to call you, D6 already knows that grammy has hurt her more than once, she will share that with D3 and as time goes on they will ignore more and more of dad an grandmas quacking.

Don't sweat this, you are a great mom, you will prevail!
Willybluedog is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Willybluedog For This Useful Post:
wanttobehealthy (02-12-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:04 AM.