D6 standing up for herself
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Beth- I grew up being told that what I saw and heard and KNEW was wrong (and I'd speak up vs my siblings who stayed silent) was right and I grew up to be an adult with NO ability to trust my perceptions, feelings, intuition. Identifying what my MIL did in that instant, I had a flood of feelings through me like I can't describe. I hate that for even an instant my daughter had that same experience as me. The difference I guess is that I had no one telling me my perception was right and my daughter has me validating her.
It is thrilling that you were there to validate your daughter. Let her talk about gma, I have a feeling there is much more in her treasure chest of strange things she has said to your daughter. It is baffling.
The best thing now is your daughter knows you believe her and her reality.
How different would my life be, or your life if the adults in our lives listened to us.
Just listened. And said, Honey, you are right, that was a terrible thing for him to say, and a big hug. Validating my reality.
Beth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by wicked 
I had a rush of feelings too! I was furious that woman called both you and your daughter a liar. She knows she lied but she is gonna bully your daughter into believing she is the good person.
It is thrilling that you were there to validate your daughter. Let her talk about gma, I have a feeling there is much more in her treasure chest of strange things she has said to your daughter. It is baffling.
The best thing now is your daughter knows you believe her and her reality.
How different would my life be, or your life if the adults in our lives listened to us.
Just listened. And said, Honey, you are right, that was a terrible thing for him to say, and a big hug. Validating my reality.
Beth
It is thrilling that you were there to validate your daughter. Let her talk about gma, I have a feeling there is much more in her treasure chest of strange things she has said to your daughter. It is baffling.
The best thing now is your daughter knows you believe her and her reality.
How different would my life be, or your life if the adults in our lives listened to us.
Just listened. And said, Honey, you are right, that was a terrible thing for him to say, and a big hug. Validating my reality.
Beth
His hatred of me combined with his intolerance for hearing that his mother is anything other than perfect makes me pretty sure that he will do whatever it takes (including causing my kids to question their reality and invalidate their feelings) to maintain HIS comfort...
So, I worry. I can reassure D6 tons and will have NC with MIL for myself and the girls, but xAH will still have access to the girls and can have his mother have access when they are with him and I worry about their well being...
Again, I know that worry is futile bc I can't control what others do, but when I think about what I know they are all capable of doing to hurt my kids, it makes me sick to think about what the girls might have to be subjected to...
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
WTBH,
You are the one they will spend most of their time with, you will form their reality, also if they feel threatened or pressured then IMO it's ok to tell them to call you, D6 already knows that grammy has hurt her more than once, she will share that with D3 and as time goes on they will ignore more and more of dad an grandmas quacking.
Don't sweat this, you are a great mom, you will prevail!
You are the one they will spend most of their time with, you will form their reality, also if they feel threatened or pressured then IMO it's ok to tell them to call you, D6 already knows that grammy has hurt her more than once, she will share that with D3 and as time goes on they will ignore more and more of dad an grandmas quacking.
Don't sweat this, you are a great mom, you will prevail!
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