JillGorges87

So my husbands battle to control his alcoholism finally hit bottom this week. Sunday started a 3 day binge that landed him in treatment. The entire week he was only home to harass me and our two kids and then he would leave to stay at a Motel 6 in town. He spent almost all of our money. Tuesday while I was upstairs getting my kids ready for bed he took the keys to our only car and took off. I had a feeling this was going to happen and thought about hiding my keys, but for whatever reason I forgot and didn't. As much as it sucked to not have my car, (mostly because I have two young children under age 6 and their car seats were in there and my son had school the next day) I am kind of glad that the events played out the way they did. My husband is in the military and wed. morning his command came knocking on my door at 630 in the morning looking for him, he didnt show for work. They had no idea the extent of what was going on, they did know part of it because it was getting harder for him to hide and he had gotten in some trouble with alcohol over his deployment to Japan this last summer. Anyway, I had been wanting to go to his command about it that day because he had gotten so bad to the point where I feared the safety of myself and the kids. Funny how timing works out. He got checked into treatment yesterday, but still doesnt seem to be taking it seriously. I have not talked to him since there is a protective order in place and we are allowed no contact.

I feel relieved that I finally have some peace and my kids are safe. Im doing what I can for myself and my kids in the event he does not stay sober after treatment. I wish the best for him in recovery.

JillGorges87

I do too! I have been doing a lot to prepare myself to leave, which is my plan. He isnt taking any of this seriously for now. My mom went to talk to him the day before he left and as background my father was an addict (he passed 4 years ago) and so is my brother and my moms brothers were too. So she has delt with all of this before many times, and lived in the same kind of relationship. She said one thing she noticed is that he has NO humility whatsoever. Thats so sad.

Yes, they are going to offer some legal help/ advise and they have counseling programs and a family advocacy office that I have already been referred to. They also referred me to the domestic violence advocacy office even though there is no physical abuse there is definitely emotional and verbal abuse. He was purposely upsetting our 2 year old this week by telling her he was leaving and saying "bye" "see you later" she would cry and be so upset then he would comfort her and say "its okay mommy just wants daddy to leave". WOW I can put up with a lot but DO NOT f*** with my kids. Thank god for restraining orders!

BobbyJ

NO humility, is what your mom said...lol
More than likely he wont say or do anything worth value right now.
His mind is still intoxicated. You have to remember, he's not been sober for how long????

My x went to rehab for 28 days, and he still didnt get anything out of it.
He didnt work his steps from the outside, let alone the inside of his soul

So now, it's all about you...You have sometime to pull your life together
without chasing around another grown 2 year old

Sounds like you have someone from up above, knowing that you needed & deserve
a break...NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep the NO CONTACT in place...It's the best thing you can do for your mind!
No phone calls, no emails, nothing!!!
It doesnt help him and it doesnt help you...
He might think it does, but he is not sober!
Sometimes, the best thing you can do, is put your foot down
and say "enough is enough" and when it comes to talking to your kids
that way, that is enough!!

If I knew then, what I know now....I wouldnt have taken a phone call for 120 days!


Now, you just have to get your plan in order!
I know you can do it!

wicked

I am so glad you went to the command, (or they came to you ) he is probably in deep.
Especially if he has had other alcoholic incidents.
Yes, the Army can be very helpful.
They helped me by sending my ex back to the states when he became a problem. (alcoholic incidents) I was the one on active duty.
Use up all the Army resources while you are making your plan.

Beth

tjp613

There's a special place in hell for a grown man who does this kind of sh*t to a small child.

JillGorges87

Yeah the no contact will be in place for sure...and I hope they will keep it that way even after he comes back from treatment. But honestly by then, I might be moved out of here. I dont think I have it in me to go back into a relationship with him. After all the hell he put this family through I just cant. I forgive him because I accept that this is a disease he has, but that doesn't change his actions and the affect it had on us all.

Right now I am trying so hard not to build new resentments toward him. What he was saying to my daughter has left lasting effects so far. She is not wanting to go to sleep alone now, she keeps saying "mommy stay". My son keeps asking where daddy is and he has been acting out more than usual. Normally he is never angry or sad, like never ever, and now he is almost daily. I am catching up on a weeks worth of school that I missed from all of this and its accelerated pace so its a ton of work. And I am left with this mess to clean up. UUGGHHHHH

naive

jill...

can you make contact with these agencies you were referred to, even if it's just by phone? i would imagine that they would come to your house to interview you, if you explain that you have two small children to care for.

i would move quickly, as you have a window of opportunity.

how long will he be in treatment for and how long is the restraining order in place?

JillGorges87

Yeah I can drive there or call them, which I am doing today. I dont know the details about the military protective order yet but I am supposed to find out monday. They still dont know how long he will be in treatment, they said up to 40 days.