Jackie36

Hi Gang - Looking for some guidence again. Things just go from bad to worse, as we all know. Went to the doc with AB yesterday, he was diagnosed with Hep C in November. And still drinking......

Yesterday they told us that based on his blood work, he is at stage 3-4 cirrosis. He has a biopsy scheduled for the 28th to see exactly where he is at. She was a great doc and did not sugar coat anything. He actually asked her how much time he would have if he didn't stop drinking or do the treatment for hep c! wtf!!!!

Anyway, of coarse he still says he will quit 3/1. And to deal with the news yesterday, he drank all day. We don't live together, and a month ago I seperated our accounts.

I am going to my first al-anon mtg on Thurs. I am nervous about it, but I need some help, and really need to work on me. I am in recovery myself for 3 1/2 years, know what to expect at AA mtgs, but would like some insight on what to expect at al-anon.

Again, thank you in advance Jackie

Tuffgirl

You'll find lots of caring people who want to give you hugs!

Threw me off at first - I thought those people were nuts. I mean, seriously, can someone just tell me what to do to get this man to stop drinking? That is all I was there for anyway...and here they just wanted to talk about detachment, serenity, and hug me all the time. Ugh!

And then it clicked...I was there for me. Took a few meetings, but when it clicked, it was like a big relief inside my head. Al-Anon became a safe place for me to go - surrounded by people who just understood without me having to explain over and over again.

I don't know what you will find at your meeting as they tend to have a different flavor all around, but underneath the sentiments are the same. But I know what you won't find. Instructions on how to manipulate your loved one to stop drinking, and judgmental people whining about the state of their lives, and heavy religion (unless your particular group has that focus) and a cult-like feeling. I found none of that (obviously those were my concerns...can you tell?!!)

I found a new way of dealing with life in those rooms. A more successful way. And a more serene way.

I am sorry about your AB's news and his nonchalant reaction to it. But I understand now the power of addiction - it can supersede everything, including logic and rationale.

Try a handful of different meetings until you find the room that just fits...keep going back. It does work if you work it.

P.S. Al-Anon follows the same 12 steps as AA. A lot of our slogans are the same. My sponsor had me read the Big Book, too. So the programs are similar in many ways. I would imagine you will find it more like AA than not. And I know in my home group we welcome "double-winners".

OhBoy

I only have a few meetings under my belt so I'm not very far removed from what you are wondering about. I was very anxious getting to my first meeting. When I first walked in, not even knowing for sure if I was in the right place, I was greeted in a very friendly & comforting way. People started filtering in & were mulling around making small talk. Everyone seemed glad to be there so I took that as a good sign! The meeting started & it wasn't until about half way through that my anxiety relaxed a bit. Everyone seemed so calm & peaceful. Everyone understood. I knew from this board Alanon wasn't about my AW but about me & my recovery. They were very focused on helping themselves get better with the support of the group. There was real focus on serenity & letting things out of our control go. After the meeting I talked with a member of the group more in detail of my situation. He knew everything I had been through & had been there himself. I left feeling like I was a better person, maybe more accurately more of the person I used to be. I am glad that I made it to that first meeting, Sure, I wish I would have went sooner, but when I found the strength, I went and for me that's all that counts. That was my experience with my first meeting, I hope yours is as beneficial.

Cyranoak

What to expect? Expect even more serenity, peace, and hope. It will take you from where you've gotten with AA (congrats!), and take you even further.

One thing-- don't forget that Alanon is to talk about the affect somebody else's drinking has on you and learn ways to be deal with that. It isn't there to talk about your drinking (which is AA of course). You probably already know that.

Take care,

Cyranoak

mattmathews

A bunch of people, well, ladies mostly, sitting in a circle sharing their experiences? A goofy little chant at the end of every meeting. Yeah, the thought "What have I gotten myself into?" crossed my mind.
The first thing I heard in an Al-Anon meeting was the phrase "There are no musts in Al-Anon." That gave me permission to "take what I like and leave the rest." I found Al-Anon to be a gentle, healing program. Sometimes I thought it was too slow...but I felt like I was learning and growing, and I felt safe there.
At almost the two year mark, walking into a meeting feels like coming home. I feel like I still have lots of growing left to do, and Al-Anon isn't the only place I experience that growth, but it's the foundation of my spiritual life. I'm not a religious guy, and Al-Anon is not a religious program. But there is room for all kinds of people there.

jamaicamecrazy

My Al ANon home group is an equal mix of men and women. Young and old. Newcomers and folks who have been in for up to 18 years. My first meeting- when I was not sure I even belonged there because my situation " was not that bad", I heard something in each person;s story that I could relate to. These people really "got it"- the stuff that I could not share with my family or closest friend. I have never been to a meeting and felt like it was not time well spent whether it is hearing something I need to hear or being able to share my experience with someone else. It might not make sense at first. I found that when I kept going I kept hearing things I could use everyday when faced with difficult situations, not just my AH.

Jackie36

Thank you everyone for your replies Well, I went. I didn't talk, I was overwhelmed with the fact that I am in recovery, and thought I was holding a huge secret! lol, on top of everything else I am dealing with AB.

I really didn't connect with this group, it was very small. But I was given a card for a beginners al-anon meeting that are on Saturdays. I can't go this weekend, but will for sure next Saturday. I know I need to keep going and finding "my spot" and will not give up until I do. I know I need this, I feel so screwed up!!

Tuffgirl

Good for you! Keep going, try other groups/meeting formats. And also Google Al-Anon speaker tapes. I downloaded a bunch and listened to them in the car on my drive to work every morning.