Nothing I Can Do About It But Want Some Input. Curiousity.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,546
I see basically two possibilities.
Girlfriend is concerned about her reputation for being "nice" if she tells the drunk to "bugger off." The problem is when someone has been dumped, s/he sees every interaction as proof that the dump-er still cares and interprets it as hope to rekindle the romance. This isn't an issue of alcoholism, it's just basic human nature. The solution is to go no contact with the old paramour, so s/he realizes it's over.
Two, the girl is manipulative, and is getting kind of an ego boost having tow men fight over her. Old boyfriend got your brother's number from her phone? I can count on one hand the number of times someone else has had my phone in his/her hands long enough to pull numbers from it. I can count on no hands, actually. And how would Old B know from seeing the number what the relationship is, anyway? So, Girlfriend gave Old B the number.
I know you think she's a nice girl and all. Manipulative people ACT NICE to get what they want. If they didn't, they couldn't get people to do what they want them to do. And if the girlfriend was honest, then, well, she wouldn't be manipulative.
I'm not saying she's evil incarnate, but she may be insecure and this scenario makes her feel wanted. She does sound very, very immature.
Girlfriend is concerned about her reputation for being "nice" if she tells the drunk to "bugger off." The problem is when someone has been dumped, s/he sees every interaction as proof that the dump-er still cares and interprets it as hope to rekindle the romance. This isn't an issue of alcoholism, it's just basic human nature. The solution is to go no contact with the old paramour, so s/he realizes it's over.
Two, the girl is manipulative, and is getting kind of an ego boost having tow men fight over her. Old boyfriend got your brother's number from her phone? I can count on one hand the number of times someone else has had my phone in his/her hands long enough to pull numbers from it. I can count on no hands, actually. And how would Old B know from seeing the number what the relationship is, anyway? So, Girlfriend gave Old B the number.
I know you think she's a nice girl and all. Manipulative people ACT NICE to get what they want. If they didn't, they couldn't get people to do what they want them to do. And if the girlfriend was honest, then, well, she wouldn't be manipulative.
I'm not saying she's evil incarnate, but she may be insecure and this scenario makes her feel wanted. She does sound very, very immature.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Drunks are a huge pain and complicate everything incredibly for all involved.
It's the gf here who has allowed the 3 part disharmony drama to continue. Even if she was amazing and unique, personally I'd still not care to play. Your brother feels differently and has choosen to continue playing to this point in their story. Maybe he'll soon have enough, maybe not. With a crazy drunk involved it could turn horrible any time, but he's so far willing to chance that for reasons that make sense to him.
Pretty cool the two of you have such a strong bond and he's got someone to talk about this with. If it gets bad enough you could go with him to have a friendly discussion with the drunk. He may then reconsider the wisdom of continuing to leave threatening messages.
Amour, amour...
It's the gf here who has allowed the 3 part disharmony drama to continue. Even if she was amazing and unique, personally I'd still not care to play. Your brother feels differently and has choosen to continue playing to this point in their story. Maybe he'll soon have enough, maybe not. With a crazy drunk involved it could turn horrible any time, but he's so far willing to chance that for reasons that make sense to him.
Pretty cool the two of you have such a strong bond and he's got someone to talk about this with. If it gets bad enough you could go with him to have a friendly discussion with the drunk. He may then reconsider the wisdom of continuing to leave threatening messages.
Amour, amour...
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by velma929 
I see basically two possibilities.
Girlfriend is concerned about her reputation for being "nice" if she tells the drunk to "bugger off." The problem is when someone has been dumped, s/he sees every interaction as proof that the dump-er still cares and interprets it as hope to rekindle the romance. This isn't an issue of alcoholism, it's just basic human nature. The solution is to go no contact with the old paramour, so s/he realizes it's over.
Two, the girl is manipulative, and is getting kind of an ego boost having tow men fight over her. Old boyfriend got your brother's number from her phone? I can count on one hand the number of times someone else has had my phone in his/her hands long enough to pull numbers from it. I can count on no hands, actually. And how would Old B know from seeing the number what the relationship is, anyway? So, Girlfriend gave Old B the number.
I know you think she's a nice girl and all. Manipulative people ACT NICE to get what they want. If they didn't, they couldn't get people to do what they want them to do. And if the girlfriend was honest, then, well, she wouldn't be manipulative.
I'm not saying she's evil incarnate, but she may be insecure and this scenario makes her feel wanted. She does sound very, very immature.
Girlfriend is concerned about her reputation for being "nice" if she tells the drunk to "bugger off." The problem is when someone has been dumped, s/he sees every interaction as proof that the dump-er still cares and interprets it as hope to rekindle the romance. This isn't an issue of alcoholism, it's just basic human nature. The solution is to go no contact with the old paramour, so s/he realizes it's over.
Two, the girl is manipulative, and is getting kind of an ego boost having tow men fight over her. Old boyfriend got your brother's number from her phone? I can count on one hand the number of times someone else has had my phone in his/her hands long enough to pull numbers from it. I can count on no hands, actually. And how would Old B know from seeing the number what the relationship is, anyway? So, Girlfriend gave Old B the number.
I know you think she's a nice girl and all. Manipulative people ACT NICE to get what they want. If they didn't, they couldn't get people to do what they want them to do. And if the girlfriend was honest, then, well, she wouldn't be manipulative.
I'm not saying she's evil incarnate, but she may be insecure and this scenario makes her feel wanted. She does sound very, very immature.
Thanks for the input. Maybe it's true I'm not too sure just everyone here I don't really know the full story here just something my brother brought I think more because of the fact that I'm an alcoholic and he wanted to let me know how bad this guy was with his drinking, maybe a point to show what will happen to me if I continued it myself. You like many others have given the same thought on this matter so maybe I'll accept it and see that possibly this may be true. only time will tell and only when this drunk guy acts out on our family will something be done legally. thanks for your words my friend
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by Leise
Hi -
My personal ES&H here. This exact same situation happened to me. It's very hard to break up with an alcoholic and have them "go away". Obviously, they are not normal people and do not deal with break ups like healthy people do.
I'd broken up with mine a year ago. Almost eight months ago on my birthday, he sent me an email asking to be friends said he was on step nine and wanted to make amends. I responded (mistake one) said thank you, and that I was in a relationship and very happy. (I am now married!). I also said that if he wanted to make amends to me he could wish me well and leave it at that.
If I only knew what kind of impact a simple email could make on my life.. I would have never responded. He threatened to shoot my fiancee, told me what a wh*re I was and that my fiancee was a fool for being with me. My wonderful fiancee stuck in there with me, when he very well could have run away from the mess that ensued.
I called the sheriff, the sheriff went to the xABF's home and told him to cease and desist or he would be arrested for harrassment should I choose to press charges. I did not, I was hoping xABF would stop (mistake two). It did not stop, for over six months we continued to be harrassed on Email, facebook, text and work emails. I've blocked the xABF from every electronic communication method and he persists. Last month, I went to the sheriff again with every email the xABF sent to me in the six months. They arrested him, he went to jail for a night and paid a $100 fine. Now he's back out, and I dread the day he contacts me again... for I will report it to the authorities and they will put him in jail for six months.
The point I'm trying to make here is this: When I ended the relationship with my xABF it never "took" in his mind. He thought I would come back, because that was my pattern before I entered recovery. I will never go back to that life.
My xABF is not a rational human human being. My husband realized this and stayed with me. Through my actions (reporting XABF to the police and never contacting XABF again) I showed my husband that he was the man I wanted, and that he was my priority in life.
Actions speak more than words. On both sides of the street.
Lyn
My personal ES&H here. This exact same situation happened to me. It's very hard to break up with an alcoholic and have them "go away". Obviously, they are not normal people and do not deal with break ups like healthy people do.
I'd broken up with mine a year ago. Almost eight months ago on my birthday, he sent me an email asking to be friends said he was on step nine and wanted to make amends. I responded (mistake one) said thank you, and that I was in a relationship and very happy. (I am now married!). I also said that if he wanted to make amends to me he could wish me well and leave it at that.
If I only knew what kind of impact a simple email could make on my life.. I would have never responded. He threatened to shoot my fiancee, told me what a wh*re I was and that my fiancee was a fool for being with me. My wonderful fiancee stuck in there with me, when he very well could have run away from the mess that ensued.
I called the sheriff, the sheriff went to the xABF's home and told him to cease and desist or he would be arrested for harrassment should I choose to press charges. I did not, I was hoping xABF would stop (mistake two). It did not stop, for over six months we continued to be harrassed on Email, facebook, text and work emails. I've blocked the xABF from every electronic communication method and he persists. Last month, I went to the sheriff again with every email the xABF sent to me in the six months. They arrested him, he went to jail for a night and paid a $100 fine. Now he's back out, and I dread the day he contacts me again... for I will report it to the authorities and they will put him in jail for six months.
The point I'm trying to make here is this: When I ended the relationship with my xABF it never "took" in his mind. He thought I would come back, because that was my pattern before I entered recovery. I will never go back to that life.
My xABF is not a rational human human being. My husband realized this and stayed with me. Through my actions (reporting XABF to the police and never contacting XABF again) I showed my husband that he was the man I wanted, and that he was my priority in life.
Actions speak more than words. On both sides of the street.
Lyn
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by langkah
Drunks are a huge pain and complicate everything incredibly for all involved.
It's the gf here who has allowed the 3 part disharmony drama to continue. Even if she was amazing and unique, personally I'd still not care to play. Your brother feels differently and has choosen to continue playing to this point in their story. Maybe he'll soon have enough, maybe not. With a crazy drunk involved it could turn horrible any time, but he's so far willing to chance that for reasons that make sense to him.
Pretty cool the two of you have such a strong bond and he's got someone to talk about this with. If it gets bad enough you could go with him to have a friendly discussion with the drunk. He may then reconsider the wisdom of continuing to leave threatening messages.
Amour, amour...
It's the gf here who has allowed the 3 part disharmony drama to continue. Even if she was amazing and unique, personally I'd still not care to play. Your brother feels differently and has choosen to continue playing to this point in their story. Maybe he'll soon have enough, maybe not. With a crazy drunk involved it could turn horrible any time, but he's so far willing to chance that for reasons that make sense to him.
Pretty cool the two of you have such a strong bond and he's got someone to talk about this with. If it gets bad enough you could go with him to have a friendly discussion with the drunk. He may then reconsider the wisdom of continuing to leave threatening messages.
Amour, amour...
very wise words indeed. What you said there made alot of sense. Yes my brother is willing to try this out with her but he is considering the fact that it can't be a serious relationship right now till she deals with this guy. yeah my brother and I are very close for the fact that we are adopted, we were put into 2 different foster homes when very young and we didn't know were brothers we considered each other as best friends though, parents still laugh and say we're kidding about the whole not knowing, we were 4 and 2 we didn't get the concept of brotherhood that young at least we didn't lol. Thanks again. Todays a new day and I was reading people snapping back but "meh" that was yesterday. I'm here today and feeling better and really looking what people have to say. btw. only one snap back . I'm 27 not a teenager but I guess if it felt like a teenager posting this whomever said that comment you must be up there in age 
because I would be a youngin to you god bless
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
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I am sorry...but we are here to share our experiences here....with any post you can take what you like and leave the rest...
IMO someone has taken on someones else problems that do not belong.....AL ANON would be a nice place to start...
step 1 says it all....
IMO someone has taken on someones else problems that do not belong.....AL ANON would be a nice place to start...
step 1 says it all....
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by fourmaggie
I am sorry...but we are here to share our experiences here....with any post you can take what you like and leave the rest...
IMO someone has taken on someones else problems that do not belong.....AL ANON would be a nice place to start...
step 1 says it all....
IMO someone has taken on someones else problems that do not belong.....AL ANON would be a nice place to start...
step 1 says it all....
So I'm done with the arguing back. Nothing Nice To Say? Don't Say Anything AT All.
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