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I'm back and i really didnt want to be

Old 01-31-2012, 06:59 PM
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I'm back and i really didnt want to be

Well. sorry to say guys but i was hoping that i wouldnt return here. great guys and all but I was hoping my wife was over it.

She was sober for just over 6 months and i was very very proud of her.
then i get an sms on friday saying something along the lines of im off the wagon and we are going out tonight.

i got very anxious to the point of almost having an attack.
she told me that she could control it and that it was most likley the mental problems that drinking goon can cause because of how cheap it is etc etc.
I told her that i dont want it to be all the time. no alcohol is to be kept at home.
that was a week and a half ago.
since then she drank friday, saturday, sunday, wednesday thursday and last night (tuesday payday) she spent way to much and I am going to talk to her about it tonight. she has gone from being drunk all the time to being drunk most of the time but out and about in town.

yes I have read codependant no more and i am still working on my own recovery.

I guees i just want to blert this to someone because i dont feel that i have alot of people, well anyone, that i can talk to about this.

Cheers for listening.
Sharkbait.
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Old 01-31-2012, 07:41 PM
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Sharkbait, so sorry to hear that she has relapsed, if you need to talk I will be glad to listen.

Hang in there,

Bill
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Old 01-31-2012, 07:42 PM
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Hey Sharkbait -- hey, I'm glad you came back but sorry that you have the reason you have for returning...

I've heard people here say before that relapses aren't always the end -- and I hope people come along with encouraging stories. My AXH relapsed after about 3 1/2 months and hasn't made another attempt at getting sober, but I know plenty of recovering addicts who do. It's like sometimes, they just need to "check" if they're still alcoholics.

Lots of hugs to you and keep working on your own recovery. That'll be an anchor for you regardless of what she chooses to do.
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Old 01-31-2012, 07:46 PM
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i did the same thing, i was sober 5 months and decided my main issue was anxiety and i could help ease that with moderate drinking, after a week it was vodka straight all day every day. i'm hoping aa meetings will help me now that im newly sober again, but i can definitely relate to her decision and its outcome. i hope she decides to stop and seek help soon, but its really up to her. i could (or would) never stop no matter the consequences or how many people pleaded with me, it had to happen because i wanted it. go to the alcoholics annonymous website, they have tips on helping a loved one struggling with alcoholism. best of luck.
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Old 01-31-2012, 07:51 PM
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Hi Sharkbait,

Did you have a plan (boundary) in place in case of a relapse occuring?

I am asking because I left my AH (of 23yrs) about 8 months ago to live on my own. This led to him finding sobriety and he has been sober for 6 months and doing really well and working hard to stay that way. The trust is building slowly, I have no reason to doubt he will stay sober but I also know that a future relapse is a definite possiblity. He has managed 5 months sober previously and I remember how devistating that was to me when he relapsed last time.

My AH has just moved back in with me into my home, following a fantastic Christmas period together. I am determined to continue to maintain my boundary, which he has full knowledge of, that I will never again live with an active alcoholic. I am not too sure how I will handle a relapse at this stage as it would depend if it was temporary or ongoing. I am strong in my resolve though and will move out again if his alcoholism becomes active or permanant and move on with my life without him as I wont let his alcoholism drag me down.

Today I live a happy, non-anxiety, panic, stress free, healthy life and my home life is stable. I couldnt go back to living in that stressful, toxic environment again - how about you?
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Old 01-31-2012, 11:41 PM
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Thank you everyone.
Yes i do have boundaries set. I did say something to her today and it was simply that this Has to slow down. she said nothin. but i do still have my boundaries and I am sticking to them I will not be married to an alcoholic. she knows that and I have said it from the start.

I don't want to walk away(I'm not at that point yet) but if push comes to shove I will.

its more the social aspect of drinking that she needs and she has to find some way to control / deal with that.

once again cheers guys you are all awesome
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Sharkbait View Post
Well. sorry to say guys but i was hoping that i wouldnt return here. great guys and all but I was hoping my wife was over it.

She was sober for just over 6 months and i was very very proud of her.
then i get an sms on friday saying something along the lines of im off the wagon and we are going out tonight.

i got very anxious to the point of almost having an attack.
she told me that she could control it and that it was most likley the mental problems that drinking goon can cause because of how cheap it is etc etc.
I told her that i dont want it to be all the time. no alcohol is to be kept at home.
that was a week and a half ago.
since then she drank friday, saturday, sunday, wednesday thursday and last night (tuesday payday) she spent way to much and I am going to talk to her about it tonight. she has gone from being drunk all the time to being drunk most of the time but out and about in town.

yes I have read codependant no more and i am still working on my own recovery.

I guees i just want to blert this to someone because i dont feel that i have alot of people, well anyone, that i can talk to about this.

Cheers for listening.
Sharkbait.
I'm so sorry ....but it doesn't sound that way to me.
I hope she finds her way back to recovery.
Just remember:
You have choices!!!
You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it!
and ...you can love her but you can't save her.
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