I miss my son

Old 02-02-2012, 12:58 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Findlay, Ohio
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My son is still with her, but I can pick him up on Friday for the weekend. Thats what she says. I am waiting for a call from my lawyer to see what my options are. I have never been away from my son for this long and can't wait to see him.
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Old 02-02-2012, 01:11 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by AWisJEKYLLHYDE View Post
Well...I just told her that I want a divorce. She started crying and said that I'm bailing out on her during the worst time of her life. She said that she would go to rehab or whatever it takes to save our family. It breaks my heart to think that I am her last hope and that I just turned my back on her. I'm so depressed that I don't know what to do. I keep fighting back the urge to call her and tell her that I am coming home. I still might. I don't know. This is one of the toughest days of my life!!!
None of us are powerful enough to be anyone's 'last hope'.

We just aren't.

As far as "bailing" on her...look at it this way: You're just getting out of the way.

As far as your relationship, you don't have to make any big decisions right at this moment.

As far as the safety of your child, I hope, hope, hope, you reconsider leaving him in that environment for one more milli-second.
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Old 02-02-2012, 01:21 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I can tell you how I handled it when I was in your shoes. I told Mel to get help or get out, I would support her ONLY if her goal was sobriety but I was NOT leaving. She eventually did go to rehab.. twice. Long story short, I set boundaries that I could enforce and stood firm. The good news is my kids were spared the ugly stuff and I'm now living a drama free and serene life.

Have you seen this sticky? I would swear by it.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:49 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Are you in Al-anon? I feel the same way about leaving my ex. It has been a long process and I am not going to lie and say it gets better, but it is the right thing. She might get better, she might not, but your son deserves to be stable. You going back home is for her, not you. It will be oK. Like I said give it time and make her prove it this time. And don't go back too soon. I did that once, too.
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:30 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Words are meaningless - in order to see the truth we have to mute the movie and look at the actions. Actions describe reality.

Wishing you all the best. Let us know how you are doing. I am glad you found SR.
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Old 02-03-2012, 03:47 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I have tried to set boundries, but she is at home alone all day and starts drinking then lying about it. I have told her to leave, but she got legal advise (me too) and I cannot throw her out without filing for divorce or seperation. Yesterday, (Thursday) she got over the hurt and got mad. She says that she wants the divorce and that all the ugly things in our lives are going to be out in the open. I don't have anything to hide. I think she had been drinking a little. Later in the day her daughter texted me saying that she also thinks the same. Then I get a call from my AW telling me to pick up Jake. Before I can wrap things up at work, I get a message that she has changed her mind. I call the daycare and they say that unless she is blatantly drunk, their hands are tied. I finally got her on the phone after she picked him up and she seemed normal. Once again, I can't prove anything. She let Jake talk to me several times and he was happy and said things are ok. My laywer has not called and I will find another one today if I have toIf she doesn't take him to daycare and says that I can't have him I don't know what I will do.
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Old 02-03-2012, 04:25 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Well part of my long story short was I filed for divorce and had her served while still living in the same house. A few months later, just before I was ready to file for sole use of the marital home she caved and moved out. That was a partiality rough period of time.

You have legal rights to 50/50 access of your son. I would get real aggressive on the legal front, sooner rather than later. The longer you allow this living/visitation arrangement the more difficult it will be to reverse it.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:40 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Well, here it is a year later and a lot has happened. She talked me into moving back home several times with the promise that once she got a job, things would get better. She got a job and then after 3 weeks went on a binge and decided that she would go back home to her family in europe. So, she chased my son and I out of the house and didn't go to work. She didn't even call in. Then she charged a one way ticket to go home then two days later, refused to leave. I got her to see a counsler but that is the most she would do. Long story short, I have been back and forth with her at least 5 times and even agreed that I would let her have a few beers on Fri. and Sat. nights and would even drink with her. STUPID!! She just can't control herself when she drinks even though she doesn't get violent anymore. I think because I take my son and leave at the first sign of trouble. Well, I finally filed and have been given sole custody of my son and house. I am giving her time to move out but she keeps begging me to come home and put her in rehab. I told her that it's too late and now have to go through the guilt. I do feel pretty strong though. Thank you to everybody for their advise. I have really appreciated it.
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