serenity001

The no contact is so hard!! There hasn't been any on my part and havent recieved any from the Ex A fiance!! Still walking around feel that no one see me, as I am walking around in a crowd feeling so very alone I wish that our path together was different. I am missing him so MUCH.

I try not to talk about it so much, but everyday I carry the loss of dreams, his touch, holding his hand, and hearing I LOVE YOU! I pray and pray everyday! This last weekend some friends and I did a ceremony of sorts to let go of things in our lives and to get more grounded. I wrote a letter of release and after I read it out loud I put in the fire....this is what I wrote:



" I need to release you to be who you are and to let you go, to take the path of your choice. I love you but cannot walk or take this path with you.

I let you go with love and gratitude and take with me the wonderful and loving memories as I release you.

I release all negative energies to bring more blessings and love into my life, to love myself enough to let go of what is not healthy for me to carry, to be true to myself, and my soul, to follow my heart and intuition. To be more loving to myself, so I can therefore love others more and bring mor positive energy and people into my life.

I release negativity about myself, others and situations.

With this I take knowledge and wisdom from lesson learned and open my heart to healthy love and to new and positive experiences."

He is on my my mind and in my thoughts everyday! Some days are a little bit better than others. It has only been two months now, but the longing in my heart is. I wish i could talk to him face to face, of course wondering what he is doing, thinking, ect...sometimes, well alot of the time, I'm in my car driving and think where the hell am I going, I do this to get out, but, I am wondering, not knowing where to go, sucks feeling lost and alone in the midst of a crowd.

I love him still, wish he could understand, but I know he cant..



Thank you for listening

serenity001

I want so bad to TELL HIM I LOVE HIM!

Tuffgirl

You have, right here. With words, positive thoughts and prayers. Let that be enough for now, and keep focusing on you and your needs.

P.S. Grief sucks. But everyday it gets a little better.

serenity001

Well no contact from him for 2 1/2 weeks

EnglishGarden

When I had to do what you are doing, I realized that if my ABF had died, I would have been wrapped up in many compassionate arms, people would have brought food, no one would have expected me to be happy for a long long time, and I would have been given the respectful condolences of a widow in mourning.

But no one knew the deep pain I carried every minute of every day. My closest friends knew I was sad, but they, too, did not know that my experience was the experience of a widow whose husband has been taken suddenly. When we lose someone in the disease, it is different from an ordinary break-up.

So I kept up my routines and smiled at the neighbors and walked the dog. No one knew I was wearing black, inside and out. Nor did anyone realize how long that lasted.

I would, if I were you, allow yourself to be lost in your grief.

I would also tell myself, "If today is the day God wants to reveal more to me, He will. If it is on God's calendar. If nothing happens today to increase my awareness or create a shift, then this is not the day God has marked. There is another. And I have to survive until then."

The ache to bring the addict back is agonizing. I understand how you want to go to him.

But you are doing the right thing by releasing until more is revealed.

nodaybut2day

Day by day, hour by hour, and even minute by minute, you'll get through this. Time marches on whether we are in pain or not. Now is the time to be good to yourself: good food, lots of rest, surround yourself with friends/family and give yourself a huge break. Grief is tough, but SR is here for you.