choublak

My dad sends me the following text this morning:

"Mom and I have been married 33 years. Please tell her not to divorce me. I want to come back to her, but she won't take me. Please ask her to."

Oh. My. God.

Not that these kind of messages are anything new.

Threshold

Wow C, I'm sorry that he is trying to get you involved in this. That seems like an emotional blackmail.

Talk it out here.

hugs

skippernlilg

Aw, Choublak,

This is the time for your personal meditation, spiritual connection and talking it out with support.

You know their marriage is not yours to fix. You know that you're the daughter just doing your life and loving them each the way you know how to best!

choublak

I haven't responded to the text. I'm not going to say anything to my mom either, unless she asks me if he has been bothering me.

All throughout college and then some, he would manipulate me and my brother with money. "I paid for X, so you'd better be nice to me."

My dad has his own business and he so far has done well (who knows what will happen after the divorce). My brother and I have never had to worry about anything financially, so we should be perfectly happy, right?

skippernlilg

If financial was our only consideration in life, then yes, you and your brother should be perfectly happy.

It's not.

And guess, what: I found out that's lower on the hierarchy of Skipper's needs than I first thought, and now that I'm dirt-poor (as a full-time student and single mom), I'm happier now than I've ever been!!

Joy is found in so many other things, I've found out.

Have you tried sitting down and doing your gratitude list? I recommend it. It's been so helpful to me.

Also, if your mom asks you about your dad 'bothering you', you may consider that their relationship from either perspective, is really none of your business. I understand your mom asking about YOU because she cares about YOU, but you might think about another resource to talk about your feelings about this...friends, therapist, ...not sure if you went to Al-anon and got yourself a sponsor yet, but those are all good options.

choublak

My dad was/is manipulative, especially with money, and my mom thinks we have both been "coddled" because we've had a lot of things given to us and never had to work for it. She would mention this whenever I told her about my father's manipulative ways. Could it have been her way of sidestepping the issue at hand? I just now thought of this; before now I wasn't sure if she was "right" about this.

nodaybut2day

aw man that totally blows...what a horrible thing to say to one's child. I'm glad you can step back and see it for what it is.

lillamy

I'm speechless. Oy. Who's the parent here?

choublak

When this first started happening, they had been married for 27 years. So this funny business between my parents has been going on for six years.

My mom has kicked him out and taken him back so many times, I've lost count. Each time she kicked him out, she'd say, "I really mean it this time".

My parents have got to be the king and queen of empty ultimatums.