New here, I know what I should do..its hard
 

I want HELP! My husband got sick a few months ago. Anxiety...hes been on meds, made trips to hospital, going to counselor etc... doing the right things but still drinking. I've called welfare checks in... no avail, I have spoken to his counselor about the drinking concern, but they haven't done anything. I know its not healthy, and I know what I would tell someone else. Its so hard, he still loves me, I still love him, but life can't continue like this. Most days he lays on the floor and does nothing. Hes depressed and suicidal, but doesn't want help. I know mixing the meds and drinking could be leathal and so does he. I've got to the point of stepping back, hes doing this, not me. I will not take responsibility for his actions, or what happens, but its hard to watch. So, I know most you you will say leave, but Im worried if that will push him over the edge... or help. I guess I know what I should do, but I just want to know its not only me going through this! It sucks!!!!! Im trying to be support for him, but I get fustrated, he knows he needs to change, but doesn't. Hes not mean, most of the time, just sleepy. Im stressed out, and reaching for professionals to help and they are not. He has also reached out to them for help, but it doesnt get us anywhere. What to do next? Just need to know Im not alone!

Most days he lays on the floor and does nothing. Hes depressed and suicidal, but doesn't want help. I know mixing the meds and drinking could be leathal and so does he. I've got to the point of stepping back, hes doing this, not me. I will not take responsibility for his actions, or what happens, but its hard to watch.

How about you quit watching? Have you considered attending al-anon meetings? They can be very helpful by teaching you to detach from whatever he does. Having face-to-face support from others dealing with the same thing can be a tremendous help. I hope you'll consider it.

Also, I hope you continue to come here to post and read. You will find some really good information in the "stickie" posts at the top of this forum. You don't have to allow his moods or whether or not he drinks affect your own well-being and serenity.

Welcome to SR!

the 3C's
you did not cause this
you cant control it
and there is no cure

please, please find an al anon meeting near you and go...please give it 6 meetings, and if one group is not comfortable, please find another...

did you know YOU have choices?....discovering choices in this marriage with the A ...in the rooms of AL ANON will help...

welcome to my comfortable HOME of SR:c031:

"doing the right things but still drinking"

The right things might be a hospital detox followed by 90 day rehab and 90 AA meetings in 90 days. Addiction is a disease that requires vigorous treatment beyond general counseling and erratic trips to the hospital.

The disease is in complete control in your home. Complete control of both him and of you.

Starve the disease: do not enable it by assisting him in any way and this includes thinking you are God and you have control over whether he dies there on the floor or not. He might die on the floor, he might die in the tub, he might die in the ER. He might get sober enough to kill himself. He might get sober enough to drive you both off a cliff. The possibilities are endless.

But if you starve the disease by going to Al-Anon and doing EXACTLY what the literature and addiction experts tell you to do, then you will have peace within yourself that at least you did not feed the demon.

Right now, dear, you are both in its claws.

Leave the house and go to meetings and go see an addiction counselor for yourself and follow that person's instructions.

You will then have done the right thing. And God will determine the outcome.

Welcome to the SR family!

I'm glad you are here, but sorry about the circumstances that brought you here. I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. You are not alone, and we are here to support you.

Yes, you may have acknowledged to yourself what you ultimately need to do. Accepting that will take time. I felt a sense of relief when I finally accepted what I needed to do to help myself and my children. Then I was able to focus on making a plan of action.

While I was still living with active alcoholism in my home, I found some valuable information here at SR. I am sharing a link to a permanent post (called stickies) that contains steps that really helped me while living with addiction in my home.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html