What has changed.
 

When I first joined this forum, my current boyfriend was binge drinking and, understandably, I didn't like it. One of the first things I was told, both by loved ones of alcoholics and by recovering alcoholics themselves, was "let him make his decisions for himself". I didn't want to do this, because I thought, at the time, that if I did that, he would just continue to drink anyway. Because that's what they all do, right? They have to hit "rock bottom" and he was/is way too young to hit rock bottom, alcoholics don't hit rock bottom until they are at least 35-40 years old, or so I thought at the time.

I didn't see how he could be an alcoholic because, in my naive mind, alcoholics didn't make it to college, let alone graduate. He also didn't drink every day. Boy did I have a lot to learn.

Not to mention, I didn't want to become single and start dating again, because dating is hard work! I just wanted my sober BF back.

I read and posted, sometimes asking genuine questions, other times giving people unnecessary attitude, but educating myself nonetheless. I read Codependent No More and Under the Influence among other literature.

To Be Continued

I got tired of trying to talk to him, and teach him, about alcohol (which, he already knows all about the chemistry of what alcohol does to the brain and body anyway), so if he was in a binge, I would just leave the house. I went for walks, to bookstores, to the historic district of our town (within walking distance of our place), to the Dominican restaurant down the street, wherever I felt like going. Obviously, I do NOT recommend doing this if you have children with your alcoholic significant other. But it worked for me, so I did it.

And, after a few months of him going to his outpatient program but still finding his way, which included some quacking or what I like to call "funny business"...he actually found recovery. His last binge was over Thanksgiving, and after that, all the funny business stopped. No more "somebody in my group does this or that and I'm not that bad", or feeling sorry for himself. He goes to his outpatient program but doesn't discuss it with me, which he shouldn't, because that's his program, not mine.

The skeptical part of me initially was thinking, "it can't be that easy..." but I guess it is when someone actually finds their own recovery...aside from which, I'm pretty busy enough myself anyway. I am moving forward, with or without him. Right now it is with, because he is sober and content about it, and we work together like a team. If something changes, and he relapses, it might become without. But I'm not worrying about the hypothetical; I have reality to worry about.

:c011: By jove, I think she's got it!! :c031:

You sound so much more solid than you did when you got here. Looks like BOTH of you are taking recovery to heart!