the anxiety of waiting for the "next time"

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01-30-2012, 08:34 AM

# 21 (permalink)

feelingalone43

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Join Date: Jan 2012

Location: near by

Posts: 151

I have been trying to convince myself of a few things 1. I don't make him drink. 2. I can't stop him from drinking. 3. If he decides to get drunk, he will be the one to suffer the consequences. 4. I am responsible for my own happiness.

I have already let him know that I will not "pick him up some beer while I'm out" and that my childrens' safety and security are top priority for me right now. Put either of those at risk, and it is over.

01-30-2012, 08:42 AM

# 22 (permalink)

nodaybut2day

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Join Date: Sep 2009

Location: Quebec

Posts: 2,708

Quote:

Originally Posted by feelingalone43

If he goes longer and longer between "out of control" days, does that mean that there is hope of his quitting completely, or am I fooling myself?

Does the fact that he drinks less (or perhaps, not at all) make him the ideal partner for you?

In my case, XAH could have been in recovery and he STILL would not have been the person I would choose to spend the rest of my life with. I had to come to grips with the fact that I made a poor choice and that it would be a challenge (though not impossible) to change the course of my life. What swayed me was my daughter: she deserved a happy home with a happy, fulfilled mother.

01-31-2012, 10:43 AM

# 23 (permalink)

OhBoy

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Join Date: Jun 2011

Location: Better than where I was

Posts: 267

Quote:

Originally Posted by feelingalone43

My AH is trying to control his alcoholism on his own. He has cut down drastically in the past year. Went from being drunk every day to only drinking low alcohol beer daily and getting drunk about once a month or so. There is never any abuse, but when he's drunk he is obnoxious, rude, and sloppy. He works very hard and provides a good lifestyle for me and our kids. It is the knowing that he will slip up and have too much, and the wondering which day that will happen on, that is driving me into depression. I am trying to get on with my own happiness and find activities that keep me from going insane. I am also still hurt and angry from the last time (three weeks ago) and need to let go of the anger. I find myself not being physically attracted to him right now, even when he's sober, because I can't stop seeing him staggering around when he's wasted. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

Oh yes, the anticipation! For me the anxiety of thinking about the next time got rolled into the anger from the last time & so then I would be miserable ALL the time. What a crappy way to live! I did that for a lot of years, mostly without realizing it. My AW is going to get drunk whether I (or she) wants to or not. It's going to happen again. I don't know when but it IS going to happen! What was a relief for me was realizing it was going to happen & I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I don't have to like it, but it's not worth it to me to get all worked up about something I have no control over. I try to find something else to do. I was surprised what a weight had been lifted when I realized I could do other things while she was drunk. I don't have to let her disease determine my mood. It happened yesterday, she was drunk by early afternoon so I worked on some projects around the house & felt good about accomplishing something & thinking the whole time how much better it was than being pissed off about it. Every now & then I would think about her being drunk but I would, as quickly as I could, try to enjoy what I was doing & put it out of my mind. I try to have a "bank" of things to do so when I need 'em they're there at my finger tips. It's not always easy to figure out when you walk into those situations. When i get anxious about it I try to remind myself that I CAN do other things, I've gotten through it before & I can & will do it again. Alanon has helped ease my mind A LOT even though I'm a newbie. It might help you. So sorry you have to be here but your not alone & this is a great place to learn.

Also I know about becoming less attracted because you see the staggering drunk all the time. I really have nothing to offer except I know exactly whay your talking about.