JustAverage

I am so annoyed. My friend got through detox. Suddenly I am annoying to her on the phone when she talks to me!! I AM THE SAME PERSON I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN! THE ONLY PROBLEM IS SHE IS STRAIGHT!!! I can tell she's a little angry now. She's not medicated from the hospital anymore. SO SHE'S ANGRY AND I SOUND ANNOYING! WELL I AM THE SAME FREAKING PERSON NOW I WAS BEFORE SHE WAS DETOXED! ONLY NOW SHE'S NOT SMASHED! I don't need this crap! Is this a usual occurrence with people who are in recovery?

Tuffgirl

Newly recovering people are on their own emotional roller coaster ride. After a time (long, short, whichever) of numbing their emotions, suddenly they are facing them head-on. It's normal.

So you are annoying. Who's problem is that, really? Best to let this one go as a problem you can't fix, and say a prayer for your friend to find some peace in recovery.

JustAverage

I understand. But I am afraid to talk to this "friend" anymore. She is always telling me I am bringing her down. I have enough issues going on with my own life. I don't need her to make me feel worse about myself! Yes, I will pray for her. But I will also stay away. Then I have to worry about her calling me yelling why have I been ignoring her. Then I have to worry about her relapsing. I guess I can't feel responsible for her.

suki44883

No, you shouldn't feel responsible for her because you are not responsible for her. You have the choice of who you want to talk to. If you're so annoying, why would she keep calling you?

Willybluedog

There was apost in the last couple weeks on alcohols physical effect on the brain, her brain in a way is re-wiring itself now that she is sober, you might consider gping to an al-anon meeting or two for some guidance on how to be a friend to someone who is in recovery, otherwise distance is probably the best option, it is the only thing that works for me when my mom (the human hand grenade) goes off.

Best of luck,

Bill

choublak

Given the situation, I'm sure she currently finds everything and everyone annoying. It has nothing to do with you personally.

NYCDoglvr

Wow, heap of anger and no tolerance. Getting sober is my pick for the most difficult thing to do and it takes months for the recovering alcoholic to feel comfortable in his/her skin. When I got sober (20 years ago) I described early recovery as like PMS in a full moon. Sounds like your friend needs some space right now to get herself on a solid track.... It sounds like you deed support from here at a time when she's not able to be there.

tabatha

Yeah - it's hard and confusing to deal with the mood changes in someone right after detox. I remember picking mine up from detox and trying to 'exchange' him for a nicer one. Before detox he was sick and needing my help and oh so nice- after detox I started to think they had preformed a personality transplant while he was there. Everything got on his nerves - me, traffic, the weather, birds singing too loud- you name it. His nervous system was really raw and I remember him crying all the way home because he felt he had disappointed his mother! Not me- his MOTHER! Still trying to figure that one out.

Impurrfect

(((JA))) - though I know it FEELS personal, it's not. When I was in early recovery, I was annoyed by everyone and everything. Heck, even the few times I've tried to quit smoking cigarettes, I was easily annoyed.

Some people DID just stay away from me, and why not? I wasn't a very pleasant person to be around. Later, things were fine.

You don't have to talk to her, or "worry" about her wanting to know why you haven't called. Personally, if that conversation came up, I'd just say "you said I was annoying you and bringing you down, so I gave you space". As far as worrying about her relapsing? That is totally out of your control. Recovery or relapse..either one, it's totally on her.

I'm sorry you're going through this but yeah, early recovery is a huge rollercoaster ride of emotions. It's perfectly fine if you don't want to jump on that ride with her.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

wanttobehealthy

Your friend is undoubtedly having a hard time in early recovery. Hopefully she is working some kind of program to learn to deal with her annoyances (ie: focus on herself rather than tell the world they annoy her). There is nothing that says you have to stick around and tolerate being insulted just bc she is struggling. Recovery is not a free pass to be rude. It might be a case of needing to detach with love and keep your distance. You are allowed to care about yourself!

JustAverage

excuse me!!! I have all the tolerance this friend could ever get from a person!!!! How dare you say i have no tolerance!!!!!!!


UMMM when you said no tolerance did you mean me or her? he he he sorry if you meant her.

fourmaggie

Al anon would be so comforting rite now for you...try and find a meeting...

and take it easy from your friend...detach abit...

research the detox effects, if you have an open mind you will see what this disease does to a person...its mentally, physically and spiritually draining in the beginning stages...it is what it is...DETOX....it takes 18 months for a person to really be clean from any drugs in their system and 1 year (i think) for alcohol...

please read the stickies and maybe an open AA or NA meeting...its so humbling to hear the heartache of these real life stories....

wicked

JustAverage,

I read something totally different in nycdoglvr's post.
I thought she was saying your friend had a heap of anger and no tolerance, and she needs space to get on track. And it sounds like you need support from her but she cant do it, because she is recovering and having a hard time of it.

You do seem angry, I do not blame you for that. I had to recover from alcohol about 15 years ago, it was different for me. After the initial pink cloud, I went to meetings and that was where I worked my recovery, not with any friends I had, they were not trained to help me with my recovery or my mental health.

Take care of yourself. Such as, anyone who called me annoying would no longer be on my short list of friends.

Beth

PS
Take what you want and leave the rest.

JustAverage

I'M SORRY nycdoglvr's! PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY!

The exact term is "I'm bringing her down." Which is just as bad as annoying.

fourmaggie

^^^^ OMG! *laughing out loud* @anvilheads comment...i so wanted to say this...but i was trying to be nice*teehee*