TCB5568

MY AH decided to drink last night and he started at my mom's house while he was doing taxes. My mom gave him the beer that was in her fridge and I know she wants us to split but she doesn't want me living with her. So anyway AH told me last night that he doesn't want any access to money and that he needs to be followed home from work so he won't buy beer. I have been really sick and we went to bed together last night and he woke me up snoring so I moved out to the couch. As I laid there listening, he stopped breathing for quite a few second while I wondered if he would even take another breath. I've read the sticky under the influence and I know the respiratory system can shut down at. 60. I'm not sure what that would take but I know he had a 12 pk. Or more. I am so sick and cold trembling and shaking last night and I wonder if it is partly to do with my nerves...He told me last night he doesn't want to live like this. I've been to one Al-Anon and know that he needs to help himself...I think he was trying to provoke me a bit so I just went to bed...

Pelican

What you described is similar to what I experienced for Years living with my AH. It is sleep apnea. It sounds like a freight train is moving through the house when the alcoholic tries to suck in breath after stopping breathing.

What I did:

I made sure there was a warm blanket in the closet, and I would grab my pillow and move to the couch.
Could still hear the snoring, but it was no longer 12 inches from my head.

TCB5568

He only snores like that after hes been drinking...

Willybluedog

TCB,

Google drinking and sleep apnea, sleep apnea is exacerbated by drinking, it is a very dangerous combination, this needs to be discussed with his doctor.

Best of luck,

Bill

cmc

He's asking you to do something for him, that he should be doing for himself. I learned that keeping tabs on my loved one did nothing to help the situation and in fact caused me a great deal of anguish. But there's a huge difference when it comes to keeping tabs on shared finances.


Your AH telling you that he doesn't want to be in charge of: your finances, or finding his own way home from work is a gift to you because he's letting you know and giving you an opportunity to protect yourself- whether or not he realizes it.


Until he is ready to do something proactive and positive about _his_ problems- you will be left with the chaos he creates.

Now that he's let you know that he can't be trusted with your money, I hope that you can take him up on his 'offer' and get the finances out of his hands and safely into your own. The fact that he mentioned it makes me wonder what he's been up to with your money, taxes etc etc.

Please take care of yourself.

TCB5568

He said he didn't want access to money but he didn't want to give it to me either. He said he would give his check to his Dad and this is why I felt provoked...I wonder if I should even talk to him about his sleep apnea...

FindingJoy

Oh the sleep apnea comments brought up some serious resentment for my RExAB. He had SA for as long as he has been drinking and over 30 so that's 16 years. Every excuse in the book came up about SA but of course drinking and over eating had nothing to do with it. We couldn't share a bed because of it, we couldn't share a normal size hotel room, hell he couldn't even sleep over in my condo as it was small enough and he was loud enough that it would rumble the whole house. Not once did he do anything consistently to improve the sleep Apena. Perhaps it's a blessing he had this otherwise I may have let him move in. Thanks for letting me vent.

tjp613

Does he normally control all the finances? Does he restrict YOUR access to money?

Tuffgirl

TCB, hang in there. Much good advice here already, so just want to say we are here for you, so keep talking.

And sleeping! It is really important to get a good night's sleep. I hope you have a comfy couch.

TCB5568

Oh gosh we have been so broke we don't have any extra money to restrict from me anyway...but that's a tricky question the way he's been acting suddenly about money...I always spend money on the kids mostly anyway ...

TCB5568

I'm the one who always made sure the bills were paid, calling for extensions for consumers and cable. He just makes the money. Lol

blwninthewind

Screw the sleep apnea...he knows he has it..let him deal with it.

Now about the money...

this is ALL about control and FEAR.

He is afraid your going to get smart and use the money to get the hell outta dodge! As you should.