I need to stop obsessing!!

Old 01-25-2012, 06:25 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Twentynine Palms Ca
Posts: 44
I need to stop obsessing!!

Okay, well maybe I wont go straight to being obsessive...Haha. However, my husband has one week sober. Here is my issue, he went to two meetings last week and hasn't been back to one since, because "he doesn't need it that much". He has never had any education about AA or any sort of treatment in his life. Most of the reason he is sober right now is because I left and wasnt going to come home if he continued to drink. Well if he isn't working a program he is just dry and not really in recovery.

I know this is none of my business what he chooses to do and every time I start thinking about it I just want to slap myself! Lol. It's been so hard for me to keep my mouth shut too. I want to shake him and tell him to get his ass to a meeting.

I realize why I am thinking all of these things too. 2 years ago when I was pregnant with our daughter I had had it with the drinking. We got in a HUGE fight. He "admitted" (I put that in quotes because he then told me he was just saying what i wanted to hear) that he had a problem. He went to one meeting and he was excited about it. BUT he never went back. He had one month "sober" and just like this time every day he would say that not drinking wasn't hard for him. He started drinking again when I was in the hospital for an emergency surgery for my high risk pregnancy so we didn't loose the baby.

So my fear I suppose is that he really isn't taking this seriously. I realize I need to let it go and work on myself. I am doing that, I'm in school, meeting my needs and my kids, going to alanon, etc. I hate feeling like I am just waiting on another relapse.
JillGorges87 is offline  
Old 01-25-2012, 06:47 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
dancingnow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 342
What helps me stop thinking of AA for my RAH is Alanon for me.

Try 6 Alanon meetings for you.

Ooops just noticed you mentioned Alanon.

Yeah it is tough juggling everything. Every so often I want to explode, work, the kids, the house and my RAH doesn't live with us.

Hope you find your balance.
dancingnow is offline  
Old 01-25-2012, 09:14 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Twentynine Palms Ca
Posts: 44
I totally know the feeling of "exploding". Today I am on physical and emotional overload! I am a full time student, a full time mom of 2 kids under age 6, and one is special needs so that takes a lot of extra time and energy. I hardly can keep up with the house lately in order to keep up with my schooling and my sons homework and just life. Usually my husband is pretty good about at least helping out around the house but lately I have had no help from him what so ever. So that is another thing I constantly resent him for, because I feel like I am taking care of 2 children and 1 adult child that should be able to not only take care of himself but be a team player in the family as well.

I hope I find a better balance too. Honestly, most days I actually do have a pretty good balance. Towards the end of today I started sitting on the pitty pot haha. So, I have given myself a few hours to feel that way and now I just need to get over it and move on to more important things. lol
JillGorges87 is offline  
Old 01-25-2012, 09:43 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Willybluedog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Jill,

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say that I think that your pretty amazing, managing the house, the kids, school, work, and husband, and your not on a tower with a rifle, that is just super impressive.

I hope you take the time at the end of the day to give yourself a pat on the back.

Big hugs,

Bill
Willybluedog is offline  
Old 01-26-2012, 12:26 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Twentynine Palms Ca
Posts: 44
Thanks Bill!!!
Haha and thanks for the laughs! Trust me I surprise myself daily that I haven't turned completely insane! Lol I really appreciate the encouraging words!
JillGorges87 is offline  
Old 01-26-2012, 09:27 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Willybluedog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Anvilhead is right, I am a stay at home dad (due to a bad accident) I try to make sure everybody has what they need each day, but damn, can't you at least put your clothes in the hamper, pick up your wet towels off the floor, and tell me you had to have a catapult built for science class earlier than 9PM before the day it's due.

Chore sheet, make one, it can be an amazing help, point to it as much as necessary, beats the heck out of doing laundry until 2AM or taking the trash out at the truck is rumbling down the road to your house.

It's ok to demand if not "help" then at least some amount of non-sabotage.

Also, once everyone figures out that the world won't end because there are no fresh socks or the favorite shirt is missing a button, or they have to make up some powdered milk because someone forgot to put it on the list, then your life will be much easier.

You are not anyones indentured servant, you are their wife and mother, and a human being that is doing the best she can under a temendous amount of stress.

God bless you superwoman, oh and your cape is ready at the cleaners, maybe someone can pick it up for you....
Willybluedog is offline  
Old 01-26-2012, 09:42 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
NYCDoglvr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
It's a good time to head to Al-anon where you'll get the tools you need.
NYCDoglvr is offline  
Old 01-26-2012, 11:42 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
It sounds as if you are aware, from past experience with your AH that the sobriety is the white knuckling kind and he's headed for relapse. I feel anxious for you just thinking about living like that. I would spend a lot of time here if you are able, and al anon and ask him to pitch in with specific requests, but if he doesn't, just accept having to do it yourself. I don't mean to sound harsh. I spent so long being upset and stressed out that my AH would not help and I like you was beyond overwhelmed (I have 2 kids 6 and under as well!) with life, work etc... It did nothing but make me more stressed to remind myself of all that I was not getting from AH and all that I wished he'd do. That didn't stop me from ranting about it though and people here can attest to that. Saying it here was certainly better than saying it to him, and frankly the only thing that made me less stressed was getting him out and continuing to do most everything on my own but without his anger and tension and judgements and drinking being around it has become a lot easier.

Hang in there.
wanttobehealthy is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:59 PM.