desperatesister

HELP! I haven't posted in a while. My sister got out of rehab and then went to a SLH right before Thanksgiving. She lasted a week before she got kicked out. We haven't known where she has been since then and my life has been really peaceful. Today she called from an unknown number and said that she wanted me to pick her up from the bus station tomorrow. So I said where do you want me to take you because I am not giving you a place to stay and I am not giving you money. She said she needed my help and needed to get her life together. BLAH BLAH I told her I wasn't helping her and if she didn't have a place to stay she might as well stay where she is. (She said that she isn't allowed to say where she has been because it is very confidential) Don't you think if she had been successful in a SLH that they would help her figure out where she will stay and a job before she leaves?

Cyranoak

Stick to your guns. You know what's going on here. If you bring her into your home or give her money you will be fully responsible for what happens next.

Good luck. I know it's hard.

Cyranoak

choublak

Yes. But she wasn't successful. She got kicked out.

Impurrfect

(((DS))) - I'm glad you told her she can't stay with you and you aren't going to give her money.

Though my siblings are "step-siblings", I love them. It's hard when they want help, but thanks to them finding out there are consequences to their actions and having to figure a way out (the same way *I* found my way into recovery), I'm glad to say that they are doing well.

I say stick to your boundaries and don't let the doubts hold any weight. Neither of my step-siblings are homeless, one has a gorgeous 18-month-old daughter and is finding the love of having a child and baby-mama not putting up with ****, another is out of prison and grateful for all the good in life. They wouldn't have this if someone had made their way "easier".

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

brownhorse

Thoughts and prayers with you tonight. That has to be hard!

desperatesister

She left a vm this morning that she would be at bus station at 330 today. I turned my phone off because I know that I will feel guilty and go get her. Now I feel terrible about that. I really feel sick to my stomach.

Impurrfect

(((DS))) - I've learned that I have feelings I don't like, guilt being one of them. Thing is, we don't have to ACT on those feelings. I think you did a really smart thing at turning off the phone. You are NOT her only option, and if she puts half as much energy into recovery as she did into her addiction, she will be fine.

Keep taking care of you, and posting/reading here. It's always helped me to read when others have done what I did..eases up a bit of that guilt or whatever else I'm feeling.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

naive

i agree with cyranoak...stick to your guns...

if it was me, i'd meet her at 3:30 and offer to drive her to a shelter. i'd tell her that i loved her but that i was finished. i would not give her money or take her into my home.

if you are not meeting her, then it might be best to text her back and let her know so that she can make other arrangements.

desperatesister

I turned my cell phone off and didn't answer my home phone and she showed up where I was with my family. She looked horrible and it didn't make me sad to tell her DON'T call me anymore--I have been in turmoil ever since you called me on Wednesday and I don't want you to call me again. I walked away. I don't feel guilty--I didn't have any other choice. I am learning as hard as it has been--thank you for listening and for the advice. I am really glad that I found this forum. All of you have helped me to be stronger and do the right thing. I know it's not over but I am on the right path and that's what matters most.

Impurrfect

I think you did really good!!

I do recommend you keep reading and posting here. Unfortunately, I think she's going to stir up some more feelings along the way, but you can be prepared. I hope not, but being aware really does help.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

desperatesister

Feeling pretty awful tonight. No one is answering her calls now. So I know she is desperate. She will be 50 next week and I hate to think she is going to die. She says we are all to blame for her situation and she is homeless. I know what I am supposed to do but it is really hard. I feel sick. I was told today--she will never get better so I might as well find a place for her to stay and let her drink.

ColetteTocca

Why on earth would this be your responsibility?

desperatesister

Thanks for responding. It's not--I think that it was a more general suggestion directed at our family--not just me. She should be responsible for herself and I know that--it was easier when she wasn't in town and didn't have access to a phone. She is really working all of the angles. Trying to manipulate us and get us to feel sorry for her. It has been working-- my poor mother has been beside herself today. We are trying to stick to our guns.

naive

sometimes, when we stop enabling, they hit bottom and seek help and enter true recovery.

desperatesister

OK--I just wanted to give an update on my AS--I didn't give in and it feels great!!! Our family stuck together and all decided that we would let her be homeless. She had several friends that gave her money for a few weeks and she moved from one weekly rental hotel to another. Finally the friends were convinced that they couldn't "help" her. Last Saturday night she was drunk and walking down a road and got hit by a car.(broken ankle) Awful as that may seem the next day she called the Director for a rehab facility that she went to nine years ago and they agreed to let her come back. She worked out all of the details by herself--had the Director call my brother to verify and she left on Tuesday. Not sure if it will work this time but I believe that we made a difference by not "helping" her anymore. Maybe her bottom was waking up in the hospital with a broken ankle with no friends, no family and no place to stay. Thanks again for helping me to do the right thing and for helping me to be strong. I just hope that she isn't manipulating the Director of the Rehab Center just to have a place to stay. When you drink hand sanitizer you can get that anywhere--McDonalds has it in the bathroom.

Cyranoak

naive

thanks for the update. and well done on holding the line together with your family. and now, this turn of events. let us know how it goes...

Justfor1

If she is to the point of drinking hand sanitizer than she is a chronic late stage alcoholic. She probably can't stop without a medical detox which she will get in rehab. IMO it is a myth that the alcoholic has to hit a bottom. Sadly, some alcoholics don't hit a bottom until they die. It's probably a good sign that she reached out and got back into rehab on her own. It means she really wants help.