brownhorse

I was really having a hard time leaving, too. I have been to Al-anon 6 times and finally got my answer I was looking for.

Others experiences are also shared on this website but there is nothing like sitting in a room with people that have shared your powerlessness.

I was teasing with a man Friday night about how it is the weekend and we both just looked forward to out meeting. You can not drag my STBXRAH to an AA meeting but I am counting the minutes for Al-anon.

Someone who was married over 20 years and raised her children with an AH told me that I am doing the right thing. Get those kids away before it is too late. I think at that moment Step one final clicked to me. I AM POWERLESS OVER THIS DISEASE BUT I AM NOT POWERLESS IN RAISING MY CHILDREN. I CAN NOT CHANGE THE ALCOHOLIC, I CAN CHANGE THE LIFE MY CHILDREN HAVE TO SOMETHING MORE MANAGABLE AND GOD HAS GIVEN ME THE GIFT OF AL-ANON TO TEACH ME THE DIFFERENCE.

Isollae

I think the reason I reacted to the first step that way is because I don't want to give up trying to control how he treats me. If I admit that I can't control it then I have to leave because I can't live with it any more either. I guess part of me still wanted to stay. I think its sick to want to stay but there it is.

So anyway....get my self out and then I can work on everything else.

Isollae

Yes seriously...lol. The funniest one though was when he tried to tell our daughter that she needs to think her breasts smaller, shes let them grow way too large. We were in the middle of dinner at a nice restaurant and he talks in this super loud voice when hes relaxed so half the restaurant probably heard him. Poor kid turned scarlet as he carried on about how a well disciplined mind can control their body and yes he really believes it. We did succeed at laughing him out of that one though and we still laugh about it. Well...hes not laughing though eh, just me and our kid are laughing.

Its crazy thinking. I think its that kind of thinking that makes him able to control his alcoholism though. Good for him to a degree and horrible for everyone around him.

Anyways...all that doesn't matter, its just why I can't stay. Think I'll give my kid a massive hug when she gets home though.

Thanks again. I looked at SMARTER? and I didn't see meetings I can attend but I was thinking more then reading at the time. I was surprised how many alanon meetings are offered everyday. There was 10 or so offered daily, at all hours of the day and spread throughout our city. So I'll read up on the other one and learn more about it while going ahead and starting on alanon.

m1k3

Isollae, just remember Al-Anon is for you. I have been doing very well with my recovery and I do not have a sponsor and I do not formally work the steps. To me it is group therapy and I get the most out of it. I average 2 or 3 meetings a week and I am starting to be more involved in service, chairing meetings and doing beginner meetings.

I do work my program on my own though and I am diligent about it. I meditate, I journal, I post here a lot and I read a lot both conference approved literature and other self help and recovery literature.

Your friend,

fourmaggie

AMEN! @ m1k3