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WHY IS "NO CONTACT" important to you?? Thru the last year my story is like so many others on here. The heartache, guilt, confussion, scared and still trying to control, fix, and cure the alcoholic... I am not strong, I am just stronger than I was a year ago and I am stronger than yesterday Last year, my xah was going into rehab for the month of Feb. $10,000 later. He went right back to drinking. It has a been ride to say the least. One year later, if it wasnt for one of his family members "ENABLING" him, he would literally be pushing a shopping cart. Tomorrow he is going into a 90 day rehab. Last week I had to talk to him for the first time in 4 or 5 months, due to some financial things that needed to be taken care of before he checks in. Last week he was drunk when he called me. Tried to tell me that he hasnt drank since Christmas. I told him, that bears **** in the woods! Get to the finances, or Im going to hang up! End of story... WHY IS NO CONTACT IMPORTANT TO ME???? Lots of reason..... But one of the MAIN ones that I have learned is:::: It has given my head time to quit spinning and it has given me time to realize, how sick he is and sick I was. Duh! Like I could ever change anyone or make someone stop drinking Oh boy, looking back...I must of thought I was a very powerful person. It has given me time to look back and do homework on MYSELF... Wondering, WHY did I do that???? or WHY did I say that??? When involved with an active alcoholic, I had no idea how silly I behaved. My thoughts, My life, My family, My job, My insanity, was is a NON-STOP position for "chaos". It was always "something". Never a dull moment with an adult "alcoholic" and a pocket full of change on the loose...Dont forget the long lasting cell phone battery's for all the wild and crazy phone calls..Uggg! Alanon & The book of "Codepedent No More" & lots of prayers... Opened my eyes up to MYSELF...I had become just as sick as he did, just without the alcohol..... I would never let anyone of my friends talk to me, the way he did or I just wouldnt be friends with them...So why, did I put up with 16 years of that??? One of those questions that I remind myself everyday and practice work, eat and sleep my recovery... A year later...I am stronger and my life is peaceful.... That's what NO CONTACT did for me! :day6 |
It's important to me because... When I do have contact with my AH I find myself losing focus on myself. I begin to focus intently on him and his actions and trying to fit myself into his wants and desires. During the holidays we had a lot of contact. I could feel myself spinning out of control and almost buying into his promises and how he was done with alcohol. Until New Years when he got completely wasted and blamed me for not running to his rescue. I am trying to get back on track again and it's easier this time. It's a lesson learned for me! |
No contact = No new hurts |
It has given my head time to quit spinning and it has given me time to realize, how sick he is and sick I was. |
No contact is purely for my own sanity and equilibrium. Interacting on any level, by any method starts the crazy, angry, desperately sad, hopeless strangulating feelings all over again. It is pure self-preservation. When I have no contact I can work, socialize, rest, reflect, create.....sort of like a real life. No email, no phone, no text NOTHING |
I have managed the no contact in person for 3 weeks now, one 15 minute phone call where he gave me a laundry list of all the progress he's making and I didn't say a word BUT the texting has been hard for me to cut off. I don't initiate any but he's texting all of the time and they are all very nice. I do like reading them and I am aware if how amazing he is with words and manipulation so I take them lightly but I still read them. So clearly I'm connect emotionally. What can I do to ween my self off from any emotion attachment. His texts make e feel less alone and like reading these nice things ever though this is the same man who shattered my heart into a million pieces many times over again. |
FindingJoy I cant tell you how to ween yourself off from chaos. That is something you will have to figure out for yourself. I wish I had the "magic" answers for you, I really do. I just know for me, that no texting and no phone calls...worked best for me I had to block his number from my cell phone. It worked. I was free from all of the crazy, nice, mean, emotional text and phone calls... If he shattered your heart and dreams, isnt it time to move on & set yourself free? That's like petting the snake over and over, who just bite the hell out of you... Only you know, how many times you can get bite.... HUGS!! It's not easy...but one book that I would suggest you to read is "Codependent No More".....It might show you some strength.... |
lillamy........YES, YES, and more YES's......:) |
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