brownhorse

So, I went out this weekend to have fun. Was STBXRA weekend with kids and he watched my dog. That was my first mistake. I could of done the same thing 6 months ago and there would not of been an issue. But, I feel asleep in the car and he could not get ahold of me for 2 hours. He knew I was out of town, said I would be home around noon, and I was home right at noon. But, he tried to call me from 10 to 11:30 when I finally realized it. All he did when I got home is say F you, Flipped my friend and me off, slam the door and leave.

I admitted I made a mistake and do understand he was worried and did nothing intentionally. But, Why am I still even explaining myself. I have said 3 times normal married couples first response are not F-you and You are a selfish B****. That is my question!!! Please tell me that this is because he is an angry person. Most men would of been mad. I understand he was worried. But, this is not a normal way to handle this. I need to feel like this well all be better some day. And was he even really worried or is it more about control and that he lost me?

brownhorse

Forgot to add That this happened so much in my marriage my biggest boundary is " I will not be called names and swore at." He was raised this way and thinks it is normal.

m1k3

Why would most men have been mad? I wouldn't have. He couldn't get a hold of you while you were out, so what. I wouldn't have been worried until you were an hour or so late and I couldn't get in touch. Actually since I have been working my recovery I wouldn't have even tried to get in touch unless it was something really important.

I really don't see how this is your issue at all.

Your friend,

brownhorse

Thanks! That really is what I needed m1k3! All I ever wanted was for him to be a Recovering alcoholic not just someone that doesn't drink.

Only reason I said most men would of been mad was if he was really worried and mad when he saw me it would of been normal to be mad but not react like he did. Justifying the feeling, not the reaction.

I am just still in that stage where I am afraid of being alone and maybe the grass isn't greener on the otherside. I know it is, just need reassured sometimes.

wicked

And you will brownhorse. Once you take out expecting anything from your ex husband.
When I stopped expecting my addicted ex to act like a grown up with two young children to support, then I made other plans.
My ex could not be trusted to watch the kids, and he would make a big stink about it, even when it was his mom who was the responsible one. (He was living with her of course.)
I stopped telling my ex about any plans I had to have fun. It was best not to hear the sneering and the name calling. I had to admit that maybe I had my own perverse and twisted reasons for telling him about going anywhere.

Take it easy on yourself, and leave the finger flippin drama to your ex.

Beth

brownhorse

Sounds like a good plan wicked! Thanks

Willybluedog

No one has a right to call you names unless of course they call you beautiful, fabulous, lovely, stunning, sexy, smart, human, etc.

I can tell you growing up in a home where name-calling was normal and therapy was only for "crazy people" it is a habit that you must be very diligent in battling to overcome.

You are not wrong and you don't have to put up with it, ever! Walk away and don't look back.

You deserve better!

Thumper

No one should be called names. We all deserve respect even if someone is upset with us.

Also - why was he calling you every hour anyway? That is crazy. So he couldn't reach you for two hours. Big Deal. He shouldn't be ringing your phone off the hook anyway. I'd make habit of telling him I'm turning my phone off while I'm gone (and then really do it).

I would drop my kids off with my ex for a 2 hour work meeting and I'd look down to see 15 phone calls in the last 10 minutes of that. That is NUTS. Don't for one second let any of that confuse you. I used to picture myself in a nice warm sunny garden. A garden with high stone walls all around it. When my soon to be ex would do crazy stuff like that I would picture him on the outside of the wall, having whatever emotional tantrum he was having at the moment, and lobbing things over that wall. Accusations, phone calls, etc. and I'd picture myself in the sun, calmly lobbing them right back over to his side. You don't have to accept them. Find a way to mentally refuse to take what he hands you.

brownhorse

thanks all makes me feel better. He says it was because I left town and stayed with people he doesn't know. He was really worried and didnt hear me say I would be home at noon. I learned my lesson! I was too honest and need to find someone else to watch my dog!