Are they ever successful?
 

Been NC for almost 2 months (yes, again) but this time I think it will be the end.
Here are some of the things he has said in the recent past:

As I get older, I will say I tried, and then say the hell with it and drink as much as I want.
I parked in front of a booze store and almost went in-and no one would have known.
When you say you care, it goes in one ear and out the other.
I am ashamed and a coward.

Something I read on here (can't remember the topic) was their A always took back roads, to avoid getting pulled over. OMG!! He took back roads whenever he could, said it was more relaxing than main roads..Could that mean he had been drinking?

He has been in AA since June 2010 and has been sober all that time, I think.

My question: Are they ever successful, no matter how much sober time they have?

I only personally know of 1 who was successful, and I didn't know her when she was actively drinking, so I don't know how bad it was.

I know many who aren't successful and probably never will be.

FWIW, I have six alcoholic uncles who are all in recovery and have been for awhile now. They handle their business. It took them several years (as well as run-ins with the law), but none of them drink anymore. Nor do they try any funny business like "I don't think I'm an alcoholic anymore"...they just don't drink anymore.

But I understand this is the exception and not the rule.

Side note: about that guy who takes back roads to avoid being pulled over, cops do switch that up some days and patrol the back roads...

I'm not sure I understand what you are asking in terms of "successful?"

Sorry-I meant successful in recovery...While I know some are, his comments lately have made me wonder if a relapse is coming, after 1.5 years of being sober (I think)
Nothing is ever certain, I know, just thinking out loud, I guess.

Why are you worrying about something that hasn't happened yet?

Yes, there are alcoholics who "successfully recover". Some of them are on this board. :) The only ones I know that stay sober are the ones who never think they're finished -- the ones who keep going to meetings and keep working their programs.

And likewise, the codependent family members I know who are living healthy, full lives are the ones who focus on their own recovery and keep working their programs, regardless of what the alcoholics in their lives do.

Are you getting any support for yourself during this time, like attending Alanon?

Mine is successful at not drinking but is still mean and calls me names. So, I think by successful it is what you can tolerate. There is no right answer. I am dealing with that every day. I have decided for me I am not going to be married to or involved with an alcoholic. Since I have decided that I still battle the dicision every day because I love him.

I'm a recovering addict and a CoD. I have addictions beyond substances.

Do we ever recover?

I believe being a CoD IS an addiction. We use a certain style of unhealthy relationships. Many CoD's will end one abusive relationship and jump into another, hoping it will be different, hoping it will solve their feelings if inadequacy and loneliness, hoping they can save this one.etc.

Do CoD's every recover? Or will they relapse, take their addict love one back,hoping this time it will be different, get tired of fighting and decide to just live with it, etc.

I think the encouragement here to focus on YOUR recovery is the best advice. If you take care of yourself, and learn to make clear headed, open eyed decisions for yourself and stick with it, you will be able to look at your situation and do the thing that is best for you.

Yes, it is tremendously hard for substance abusers to stay clean. It's hard for me as a CoD and a person with other process addictions to not turn back to those behaviors when I get tired and discouraged. And there are times I feel like I can't keep this level of vigilance up forever. That is why working towards true recovery, beyond clean behavior is SO critical. So that we don't have to white knuckle it for the rest of our lives. So that we actually clear up some of the underlying issues and living clean becomes our norm.

It's the same for CoD's, work on your recovery, so no matter what he does or doesn't do, you have a shot at a better future. Hoping your beloved addict stays clean is laudable, but it won't save you either way.