Do you ever feel this way?
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Originally Posted by CalamityJane 
I think the weirdest part of the whole 'experience' is what I described at the end of my original post. It would be one thing if I felt all those negative feelings day after day after day. I think I would be such a wreck that it would be so easy to walk away. I would instantly be able to tell the difference between living in hell and escaping it.
But it's not like that. .....
Every day is not hell. Obviously, this emotional ping pong game is what keeps me enduring the situation, but also is the most confusing thing. It is frickin' amazing how easy it is to simply forget the pain of our argument two days ago...and that is the part that makes me feel like I'm the crazy one. I'm sure it makes my loved ones think the same thing too.
But it's not like that. .....
Every day is not hell. Obviously, this emotional ping pong game is what keeps me enduring the situation, but also is the most confusing thing. It is frickin' amazing how easy it is to simply forget the pain of our argument two days ago...and that is the part that makes me feel like I'm the crazy one. I'm sure it makes my loved ones think the same thing too.
there is only so much insanity and negativity we can take. I believe strongly that we are all equiped with strong coping insticts. When we truly can't take any more we act on it, we do anything to break free, but as long as we feel there is still room for improvement no matter how small that rooms is, we keep hoping, and we can't be hopeful and miserable in the same time. So that hope pushes us back into denial.
So if you take all those thoughts and feelings from the other night as real, as true, as the way things really are, than you know you have to act on it, as that situation is not acceptable for you. But you're not ready to do that. That is why you doubt yourself, you ask yourself is it you, all of it becomes too much and easy to minimize, to forget. And that is nothing but human.
Also, in my experience if you think about it you'll notice it is not you who is creating these cycles, but that you're only following his.
I had the same problem for a very long time, until eventually happy times, good days disapeared from the picture, denial wasn't an option any more since there was nothing left I could hide behind. Only than I was able to became truly aware of the way things are and act accordingly.
I guess we all have our own path to follow and we can't be ready until we're ready.
There are some very hard lessons to learn in the process but at the end it is worth it.
Don't be hard on yourself.
Take care
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
for myself, i had to get some distance from my A to begin to see things clearly, as while i was living in the midst of the madness, i couldn't see clearly.
for me, that meant going to my mothers until a could get my own apartment. once i was in my own apartment, only then could i enforce my boundaries.
when i was living with my A, i could not enforce the boundaries, even though i had moved into the spare room. i could not get enough space to think straight, because we were sharing a residence.
just because you move out, doesn't mean that you have to end your marriage. it just means that you can determine your boundaries and enforce them. personally, i found that impossible to do while still sharing a home with the A.
naive
for me, that meant going to my mothers until a could get my own apartment. once i was in my own apartment, only then could i enforce my boundaries.
when i was living with my A, i could not enforce the boundaries, even though i had moved into the spare room. i could not get enough space to think straight, because we were sharing a residence.
just because you move out, doesn't mean that you have to end your marriage. it just means that you can determine your boundaries and enforce them. personally, i found that impossible to do while still sharing a home with the A.
naive
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: SERENITY
Posts: 58
Anyhow, now I just feel so messed up and I can't even think straight. =Everyone who is in the family of alcoholism feels like this
I wonder why I am thinking and feeling all the things I am.=Read the Serenity Prayer
Like, why am I so confused about how I feel?=Because you love him
I wonder, is any of this MY problem? We tend to make it our problem
Am I the screwed up one? =We can be screwed up if we let it
Am I the one blowing things out of proportion?=anyone who is going through what you are, would feel the same way
I feel like I hate him, and then I feel like I hate myself, and then all I feel is hate. I feel out of control, but can't put into words why. = You feel like this because alcoholism is cunning and baffling. There is no love around you when the alcoholism is active.
I find it hard to defend myself. =Because you are being trapped in the conversation. Step away. Agree to disagree. Tell him that your sorry that he feels that way.
I do my best to avoid him, but feel alone because of it. =Avoid him is fine, but dont seclude yourself from friends and family
I feel super guilty, cheated, helpless and hopeless.=Guilt is only received, if you have done something wrong, cheated out of what? life? Read the Serenity Pray. Helpless and hopeless=find a higher power.
I can't see how anything will work out.=I dont think nothing works out with an active alcohoic
I do my best to make myself happy, to detach, but then fighting off my mind and my emotions are just so trying. =Thats all you can do
I feel like a burden on my family and my friends. =Start talking about something else. Think about gratitudes
I try and talk about other things with people other than my problems, but inevitably it comes back to how my marriage is a failure.=dont be so hard on your self
I wonder if my husband is really an alcoholic at all, or is it just me convincing myself that he is. =if you think he is an alcohlic, most likely he is
I wonder why I am thinking and feeling all the things I am.=Read the Serenity Prayer
Like, why am I so confused about how I feel?=Because you love him
I wonder, is any of this MY problem? We tend to make it our problem
Am I the screwed up one? =We can be screwed up if we let it
Am I the one blowing things out of proportion?=anyone who is going through what you are, would feel the same way
I feel like I hate him, and then I feel like I hate myself, and then all I feel is hate. I feel out of control, but can't put into words why. = You feel like this because alcoholism is cunning and baffling. There is no love around you when the alcoholism is active.
I find it hard to defend myself. =Because you are being trapped in the conversation. Step away. Agree to disagree. Tell him that your sorry that he feels that way.
I do my best to avoid him, but feel alone because of it. =Avoid him is fine, but dont seclude yourself from friends and family
I feel super guilty, cheated, helpless and hopeless.=Guilt is only received, if you have done something wrong, cheated out of what? life? Read the Serenity Pray. Helpless and hopeless=find a higher power.
I can't see how anything will work out.=I dont think nothing works out with an active alcohoic
I do my best to make myself happy, to detach, but then fighting off my mind and my emotions are just so trying. =Thats all you can do
I feel like a burden on my family and my friends. =Start talking about something else. Think about gratitudes
I try and talk about other things with people other than my problems, but inevitably it comes back to how my marriage is a failure.=dont be so hard on your self
I wonder if my husband is really an alcoholic at all, or is it just me convincing myself that he is. =if you think he is an alcohlic, most likely he is
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