on my way
 

hello everyone. i haven't been here in a while...mostly because i was ashamed that i went back and i felt weak and stupid. but one more incredibly horrible incident led me to where i am now. i finally left him (again) and this time for good. i got myself my own little apartment and it will be ready to move into in 2 weeks....staying with mom for now. my AH has not quite hit rock bottom but i am sure he will now. i couldnt' take one more night of drunken hostility, name calling, breaking things and suicide threats. i pity him but i dont' feel sorry for him anymore. he refuses to get the help he needs and i finally realized that me being there was making him worse, not better. i am indeed what you all have been telling me from the start, an enabler. his family are all enablers too. and they have cut the rope too. my AH now has to learn to walk on his own two feet and stop expecting everyone to take care of business for him.... i am besides myself with anger, fear, sadness and uncertainty....but i am going to get through the initial move and i'll be fine..... so much to think about, mostly getting all my things out of the house so i no longer have to look at him and his misery. life begins again and i may be a little scared of being on my own again but i'm going to make it .... i can't wait till i can drive home from work and think "gee, what shall i make for dinner" instead of "OMG, what will i walk into tonight".......

Glad to see that you are making good choices for you

My best...Dolly

thanks dolly. it is so hard though. there was not other choice to make but to leave. he is drinking way more and being way more violent. he has never "physically" hurt me but the breaking things and yelling and slamming things around would have eventually turned on to me...... he is going back to work tomorrow and i plan to go over to the house every day for a couple of hours and pack stuff and hopefully by the end of the week i'll have it all out. i just get so angry when i think of having to leave behind my new washer/dryer for the laundramat and my beautiful remodeled kitchen in trade for a small outdated one! but its all worth my peace of mind. he is killing himself with alcohol, a blood disease that attacks the liver! and extreme depression....all i can do is hope that he wakes up and smells the coffee.....and gets help. i don't ever want to go back to him again. the sight of him makes me so ill.....

It's just "Stuff", in the long run it means nothing and has no value. True value is derived through peace and happiness.

BG... shame should never be a reason to avoid your support network and I am so glad that you have surfaced... I have been thinking about you lately and wondering how you have been. One day at a time is the best advice I can offer... if I were near, I would help you pack up and move! Sending you many hugs and lots of support.

I am glad you are safe and where you need to be.

I can't fix the past and it took me as long as it took me to get out. I do better when I am grateful that it was not longer instead of beating myself up with how long it took.

I am glad you are here, I do not believe I have ever seen someone say "I told you so" here, please come back often and let us know how you are.

Big hugs,

Bill

thank you so much. i appreciate the words of support. although my friends and family love and support what i am doing i still do not think they fully understand the pain and turmoil behind it all. its so easy to say "leave him"....its a whole different ball game to have to do it. i'm proud of myself and i pray that each day that passes will make me stronger and not look back.

again, thanks