first Al-Anon meeting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 181
first Al-Anon meeting
I went to my first ever Al-Anon meeting Wed. I knew I should go because of AH. We started the meeting by reading the 12 steps and the 12 traditions of Al-Anon. It all seemed so foreign to me at first but then the 6 ladies there told me their story and then I told mine. I got teary but didn't completely break down. They want me to come back at least 6 times before I decide if I need this or not I guess. Now, I didn't talk until the last 15 min. And then the meeting was over. One girl asked if I wanted some phone #'s and I said Na, I'll b fine thanks, packed up my info and left. After I went home and started reading the pamphlets, I start getting anxiety very bad and tried to hide my emotions when AH got home. I had just read not to nag him about his drinking because that will only make it worse. Avoid complaining of alcoholics faults. I am thinking yeah right! Especially those of u that know my situation is very urgent. I think I have already touched on the steps without even knowing it. Step 1 is admitting that our lives have become unmanageable and 2 admit that a higher power can restore us to sanity. Well I already believe God brought me to this point when I started praying for clarity and listening to my inner voice just a few mos. Ago. It says here in step 2, Once it became clear that we could no longer depend upon ourselves for calm, dispassionate, wise judgement, we looked to something beyond ourselves. This really hits me b-cuz it is so true. Now step 3 is making a decision to turn our will over to the care of God as we understand him. They say they're not religious just spiritual but we did hold hands and say the Lord's prayer, which I found comforting ...So that's about all I can say except the other steps are all about accepting our faults and admitting them. Al-Anon is about Recognizing and understanding our own feelings of obsession, anxiety, anger, denial, guilt. I also read an article by some Ackerman....characteristics of alcoholic families all about the phases of family denial, active and alternate phases, coping strategies adapted, home remedies that don't work... We've been through all these. It's scary for my feelings and anxieties to be validated in print. That article is at www.nacoa.org/pdfs/ackerman.pdf. The affects on the non alcoholic family members is so true and the questionnaire was astonishingly correct on points of the anxiety, sweaty palms, shaking. I've been shaking bad and I think I finally understand that I have been trying to cope with a situation that I am also denying therefore making worse for all of us...Now to find some courage to deal with all this newfound info..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 181
Also a lot of info about children learning to cope and having little emotional security due to not only the inconsistencies of the alcoholic parent but the non-alcoholic parent can't fulfill the roles of two parents and is under constant tension leaving little time for children's needs. I am definitely guilty of this. I need to overcome this denial. I'm in a battle with myself right now for not recognizing this sooner!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
I think its fantastic that you have found your way to SR and Al-anon, that's higher power stuff right there!
You are on the road to recovery and you will have to follow your own path to get there. It took me about 18months after finding SR and Al-anon and going to see a therapist, until I felt well enough to know what I had to do to get healthy in body, mind and spirit which for me, was to leave my AH of 23yrs.
I was verbally abused and controlled to some extent for most of my marriage and you dont know or realise the damage that can do to your whole self until you start to feel healthier.
For example, I was on my way home from work this evening on the train. I have an hour long journey. There was some very rowdy, swearing and drunk youngsters sat fairly close to me and after about 2 minutes or so, I picked myself up and moved down the train a couple of carriages to a quieter spot. Last year I sat for an entire hour, with a swearing lady and her child who was swinging around on the hand loops like a monkey! I have other stories where I have stayed in uncomfortable situations in the past, but now I cant bear the 'drama', so I take care of myself and move away from it. I pat myself on the back too now, because I recognise that I am loving myself.
I am so pleased that you are starting to take care of you. Knowledge is power, so keep learning and growing and you will feel empowered to make the decision to do what is in the best interest of both you and your children.
You are on the road to recovery and you will have to follow your own path to get there. It took me about 18months after finding SR and Al-anon and going to see a therapist, until I felt well enough to know what I had to do to get healthy in body, mind and spirit which for me, was to leave my AH of 23yrs.
I was verbally abused and controlled to some extent for most of my marriage and you dont know or realise the damage that can do to your whole self until you start to feel healthier.
For example, I was on my way home from work this evening on the train. I have an hour long journey. There was some very rowdy, swearing and drunk youngsters sat fairly close to me and after about 2 minutes or so, I picked myself up and moved down the train a couple of carriages to a quieter spot. Last year I sat for an entire hour, with a swearing lady and her child who was swinging around on the hand loops like a monkey! I have other stories where I have stayed in uncomfortable situations in the past, but now I cant bear the 'drama', so I take care of myself and move away from it. I pat myself on the back too now, because I recognise that I am loving myself.
I am so pleased that you are starting to take care of you. Knowledge is power, so keep learning and growing and you will feel empowered to make the decision to do what is in the best interest of both you and your children.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
(((TCB))) I'm glad that you went and have started to learn so much!
We do the best we can with what we know at the time.
When we know better, we do better! You'll get stronger each day!!
Take good care!
HG
Originally Posted by TCB5568
I need to overcome this denial. I'm in a battle with myself right now for not recognizing this sooner!
When we know better, we do better! You'll get stronger each day!!
Take good care!
HG
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Recovery can feel very foreign, at first. It's doing something different than what was done before. Vastly different.
I remember feeling like I landed on Mars in my first Alanon meetings. It took some courage to keep going until that feeling subsided and I was able to start truly assimilating the essence of the program.
What kept me going back was seeing the calm in the people in the chairs - they had something I wanted, they had managed to calm the storms in their lives somehow. It wasn't some sort of lobotomy calm; it was a peaceful calm. And oddly, most of them seemed happy, too, despite the horrid things they talked about. And between them, I could sense some sort of very solid bond, silent and yet present.
Over the months, I began to see this incredible invisible net between them, strings of support from one to the other, knotted in bonds of understanding and working through similar traumas. This invisible net was very strong, and could help hold up a newcomer until they started to make their own strings into the net. I saw many newcomers enter with fear, tears, and just plain brokenness - the same way I had entered. Over time, I began to see the strength of the program and the fellowship. I began to understand that having guidelines didn't mean having judgment and rules, and that I was FREE to understand my higher power in a way that MY experience made true and honest to ME. Wow, was that a big one.
Years on, I have a solid recovery platform beneath me, serenity, mental health, happiness and joy and fun in my life. I have an appreciation for life and for the changes I made in my life, due to my learning in Alanon. I learned things there I would never have learned anywhere else, I feel. Things I am so glad to have incorporated into my life, and my way of perception.
Yes, Alanon can feel very foreign, at first. But that's because it offers change...
Sending encouragement!
CLMI
I remember feeling like I landed on Mars in my first Alanon meetings. It took some courage to keep going until that feeling subsided and I was able to start truly assimilating the essence of the program.
What kept me going back was seeing the calm in the people in the chairs - they had something I wanted, they had managed to calm the storms in their lives somehow. It wasn't some sort of lobotomy calm; it was a peaceful calm. And oddly, most of them seemed happy, too, despite the horrid things they talked about. And between them, I could sense some sort of very solid bond, silent and yet present.
Over the months, I began to see this incredible invisible net between them, strings of support from one to the other, knotted in bonds of understanding and working through similar traumas. This invisible net was very strong, and could help hold up a newcomer until they started to make their own strings into the net. I saw many newcomers enter with fear, tears, and just plain brokenness - the same way I had entered. Over time, I began to see the strength of the program and the fellowship. I began to understand that having guidelines didn't mean having judgment and rules, and that I was FREE to understand my higher power in a way that MY experience made true and honest to ME. Wow, was that a big one.
Years on, I have a solid recovery platform beneath me, serenity, mental health, happiness and joy and fun in my life. I have an appreciation for life and for the changes I made in my life, due to my learning in Alanon. I learned things there I would never have learned anywhere else, I feel. Things I am so glad to have incorporated into my life, and my way of perception.
Yes, Alanon can feel very foreign, at first. But that's because it offers change...
Sending encouragement!
CLMI
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
If there is more than one meeting in your area I encourage you very much to try it as part of your six or more meetings. Each meeting is designed around the same principals, but each has a different flavor too it that you may like more or less.
Congrats on the beginning of your new life! You have taken the first step which was very brave, and even though I don't know you I am proud of you. The trick, now, is to keep moving forward. Progress not perfection!
Cyranoak
Congrats on the beginning of your new life! You have taken the first step which was very brave, and even though I don't know you I am proud of you. The trick, now, is to keep moving forward. Progress not perfection!
Cyranoak
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