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Moving on, and needing support

Old 01-17-2012, 07:19 AM
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Moving on, and needing support

Hello friends,
It has been a long time since I have posted here and I wanted to let you all know about me. After 25 years in an alcoholic marriage, I separated and divorced my x two years ago. The first year was about survival but this last year has been the best of my life. I got out and started doing the things I love, like hiking and backpacking and began feeling joy again. I never expected to feels so good and so alive.

For the past six months I have been doing some limited on-line dating, thinking I was ready for a partner, maybe nothing serious. I have done some dating, but no one special yet. I am learning to tell men that I don't want to date them, even when they want to date me. I am learning to put my feelings first and risk hurting their feelings, in a respectful way.

I realized that I need Al-anon all the more now. I need to be working the steps, learning my new boundaries, learning relationship behaviors that work and are respectful. So here I am, back and learning again. I am back to face to face alanon meetings too.

I believe that I would like a partner, but I want to remember that I AM HAPPY now, without a partner. My life will be complete and joyful without a partner.

I appreciate any thoughts or experiences you all have about this stage of recovery. I can use all the help I can get. thanks
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:47 AM
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Hi Rose, welcome back!

I just wanted you know how glad we all are that you came back and as for me I've only been divorced from my AH since August so it hasn't been very long but one thing I can say is I'm sleeping through the night, and my life is once again manageable for the first time in a very long time.

Keep posting.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:59 AM
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ROSE I love your profile picture.

I am glad you posted this topic. While I don't have any input at this point, it is something I have thought a lot about. I am starting to feel like maybe I can dip my toes into that pool again. Maybe. I hope we hear from the pros on this board!

Thank you!
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Old 01-17-2012, 08:03 AM
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No thoughts or experience to offer but I just wanted to say that you sound great and I'd be willing to bet that you'll find what your looking for.

There was an article about co-dependency here that might interest you. Again, I have no experience here - I'm still sorting myself out enough to decide what I want to do - but I think it might be helpful to someone coming from this kind of background and looking at trying to find a healthy relationship.



Hmmm...I have no idea how to add a url link and looks like the little button didn't work so I'm going to just paste it.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ependency.html

Lol....just pasting is all you do!

Last edited by Isollae; 01-17-2012 at 08:06 AM. Reason: url link
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Old 01-17-2012, 08:29 AM
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Hi Rose! I'm totally at this stage too! I've been online dating for about a year. At first it was very hard to let a man know I didn't feel we were a good match! I actually in my co-dependent sickness was putting the feelings of strangers over my own happiness in life! I too am very happy just on my own. Life is great! It would be nice to find a man in a similar place where he just wants a dinner or travelling friend and respects my independance as I would respect his. Unfortunately when a man finds out how mentally healthy and independant I am that only makes me more attractive and they want to pin me down so I don't get away! It's difficult to find someone at the very same stage emotionally as I'm in, but I'll keep respecting myself and trying!
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Old 01-17-2012, 10:40 AM
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Thanks everyone.
Ninja, you describe my experience exactly. That helps so much, to hear my story from someone else. My plan is to start working the steps again, attend meetings, and post here and see where that takes me. Here we go............
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Old 01-17-2012, 10:53 AM
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Thank you for this post. It reminds me that I still have much work to do on myself and have been debating on whether to go back to alanon and or coda meetings. Since my XABF died I have debated on whether the meetings would be helpful at this stage or not. We were not living together at the time of his death but I was still quite emotionally connected and have been going through a lot of personal turmoil as to why I was so attached and attracted to him to begin with. Returning to alanon and or coda may help me figure it out. So nice to hear how well you are doing and how healthy you sound.
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