Need help
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Newport, RI
Posts: 242
Need help
I've been just broken up again with my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years. I had been trying to patch things up with him and deal with my abandonment issues. But when he didn't respond to my text messages and call, and I waited and waited for for a response and it didn't come... I freaked. I cried. I felt the loss.
So I wrote him the following text message tonight:
"I've been fooling myself into thinking there was still a chance between us. I guess I killed our love for good. Please know that I never cheated on you. i am just too sad about losing you and realize I'm not healed enough to communicate with you. Please pick up your stuff, drop off the key, and send me a final bill. And please don't call me anymore." (regarding the bill: he was my contractor/builder; he's also a painter... hence the paintings.)
He called me instantly and left a message saying he didn't have time to pick up his stuff today. He said he was confused... I was doing so well this morning... but not now.
The problem was that I spent most of the day trying to figure out how to get him to love me... to come back to me.. to be with me... and I realized it didn't feel good. He's totally addicted to work and has no time to give me.
I wrote back: "You can pick up your stuff between 10 and 12 tomorrow. Leave the key in the kitchen."
He wrote back: "Have really no time and also no current solutions for my paintings." (He's been storing and exhibiting his paintings in my house.)
I guess I'm being too harsh to expect him to drop everything on a work day to deal with his stuff. I guess I should give him a week.
I feel like he's been holding me hostage.
"I've just been missing you too much and can't handle it."
So I wrote him the following text message tonight:
"I've been fooling myself into thinking there was still a chance between us. I guess I killed our love for good. Please know that I never cheated on you. i am just too sad about losing you and realize I'm not healed enough to communicate with you. Please pick up your stuff, drop off the key, and send me a final bill. And please don't call me anymore." (regarding the bill: he was my contractor/builder; he's also a painter... hence the paintings.)
He called me instantly and left a message saying he didn't have time to pick up his stuff today. He said he was confused... I was doing so well this morning... but not now.
The problem was that I spent most of the day trying to figure out how to get him to love me... to come back to me.. to be with me... and I realized it didn't feel good. He's totally addicted to work and has no time to give me.
I wrote back: "You can pick up your stuff between 10 and 12 tomorrow. Leave the key in the kitchen."
He wrote back: "Have really no time and also no current solutions for my paintings." (He's been storing and exhibiting his paintings in my house.)
I guess I'm being too harsh to expect him to drop everything on a work day to deal with his stuff. I guess I should give him a week.
I feel like he's been holding me hostage.
"I've just been missing you too much and can't handle it."
Last edited by mamaplus2kids; 01-16-2012 at 12:16 PM. Reason: upset typing
Sounds like it's time to take a step back (as in waaaay back), cut all contact and let thing settle. If you are trying to get him to love you, then I would venture to say that you are attempting to force a situation that just isn't meant to be right now. Don't get me wrong, I've done exactly the same thing, and in my case, I was left feeling like next to nothing, unlovable, unworthy, etc. I came to realize I just couldn't rely on others to give me self-love.
You probably won't be able to get all his stuff out right away (and I totally get the need to cut the cord right away), but perhaps you can arrange for someone else to be home when he comes by?
You probably won't be able to get all his stuff out right away (and I totally get the need to cut the cord right away), but perhaps you can arrange for someone else to be home when he comes by?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Newport, RI
Posts: 242
mamaplus2kids. are you working a recovery?
BTW as an ACOA (adult child of an alcoholic) I can tell you that having an alcoholic parent sucks way more than you can believe. I am 58 and still dealing with issues from that.
From experience I do not recommend raising kids where a parent is an alcoholic.
Your friend,
BTW as an ACOA (adult child of an alcoholic) I can tell you that having an alcoholic parent sucks way more than you can believe. I am 58 and still dealing with issues from that.
From experience I do not recommend raising kids where a parent is an alcoholic.
Your friend,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Newport, RI
Posts: 242
I grew up with an alcoholic/unavailable/narcissistic mother. I am trying to heal those wounds. It's really not easy. And this break up is incredibly difficult... because he was sober when I fell in love with him... I saw the person who could be... and is when not using. It's incredibly sad.
I went to bed last night feeling crazy... so I prayed to my Higher Power to prevent my descent into any further craziness. I cried myself to sleep. During the night, I dreamed that my ex-boyfriend had died and the nurses were not authorized to tell me. I screamed and screamed, and then woke up 2 hours after falling asleep, feeling a strange calmness. Perhaps, this was my higher power letting me know that I had let go... or perhaps, I am really crazy.
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