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forgive again?

Old 01-14-2012, 08:00 PM
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forgive again?

Here we go again ... After my last post I ended up telling AH this needs to stop again so it's been another 2 days he's not been drinking. I wonder if this is possible. I have told him that he has a disease and he needs treatment and that he could die from withdrawal.. He says that's only for other people who are more serious...like 15-30 beers a day is not serious enough? Anyway he just sits around playing video games with the kids while I dote on them. It's hard to describe how I feel about this but tonight I realized it feels like I've been in hell and back, hell and back..And I am tired of forgiving him and trying and failing an tired of trying. If that makes sense. He thinks he can quit drinking and I'll just forget about it all and move on? It's too much. I think I'm going crazy...By the way what does it mean to black out? I thought it was passing out and going to sleep. Is this when a person just can't remember something that happened while drinking? Any info would be great. I don't drink much because it makes me sick.
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Old 01-14-2012, 08:06 PM
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Yes, a blackout is when there is no memory of things that happened while drinking. They will appear to be fine, just drunk, can have conversations, cook if they are hungry, make phone calls and even drive. They are awake but in a blackout state.

Have you considered attending al-anon meetings? They can be a great source of help for you. You don't have to allow what your husband does to affect your own serenity and peace of mind. Instead of trying to convince him not to drink, learn how to detach from his actions. You can forgive a person but still not be willing to deal with their drunkenness. He will seek recovery only when he is ready and there's nothing you can do or say that will make him ready. That has to come from inside him.
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Old 01-14-2012, 08:22 PM
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I've never been to an alanon meeting but plan to very soon. It's scary to think of someone being blacked out and still functioning. My AH hardly remembers anything but denies it. He says that I think he doesn't remember anything at all like that makes me a bad person.
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Old 01-14-2012, 08:23 PM
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blackout

I've never been to an alanon meeting but plan to very soon. It's scary to think of someone being blacked out and still functioning. My AH hardly remembers anything but denies it. He says that I think he doesn't remember anything at all like that makes me a bad person.
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Old 01-14-2012, 08:28 PM
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What I never realized until I read the book "Under The Influence' and other books was that it's not that they black out and forget what happened- Its that the memories of events are never stored to begin with, they aren't even there to recall. Nothing is imprinted and this is the brain malfunction that happens. At it's worst they will fill in the blanks (confabulation- spl?) with whatever they can think of and sometimes be accused of lying but in reality it's the only way they can come up with details of their life that are mysteriously missing. It's frightening how much damage alcohol can cause in the cognitive abilities of the brain.
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Old 01-14-2012, 08:33 PM
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When I was drinking, it happened more than a few times. It is scary to wake up and have no clue how you got home, where you left your car, what you did. I remember once going to breakfast with some guy I met at a bar. While we were sitting there after eating, I guess I told him to go on home. Not exactly sure how that conversation went, but I do remember him asking if I'd be okay. I said yes, I'd be fine. When I left the restaurant, I went looking for my car and couldn't find it. I searched the parking lot for half an hour and thought someone had stolen my car.

I walked to a Super 8 next door and told them someone stole my car. I rented a room for the night and the next morning, called a friend to come pick me up and take me to Enterprise to rent a car. I rented a car, drove home, took a nap, then, just on a fluke, drove by the bar I had been at the night before. There sat my car. I had ridden to breakfast with the guy I met and in that short amount of time, forgot that I didn't drive myself and when I sent him home, I was without transportation.

I'm so glad I no longer drink and don't do stupid shyte like that anymore.
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Old 01-14-2012, 08:47 PM
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I'm glad you're done doing that kind of stuff too! Thanks for sharing your story.
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