choublak

“If you expect nothing, you can never be disappointed.
Apart from a few starry-eyed poets or monks living on a mountaintop somewhere, however, we all have expectations. We not only have them, we need them. They fuel our dreams, our hopes, and our lives like some super-caffeinated energy drink.” Tonya Hurley

So, must we learn to think like a poet or a monk if we choose to live with an active alcoholic?

Something to think about.

Freedom1990

I don't know. Living with an active alcoholic is no longer an option.

I've been there 3 times, with the now deceased EXAH, twice with the AD. Never again.

I cherish the absence of active alcoholism's insanity.

I cherish the peacefulness.

I cherish my safe place that I call home.

lillamy

"So you’ll give up the chance of something real so you can hold onto hope. The thing is, hope is for sissies."
(Dr. House)

lillamy

I think it's also about knowing that we have a right to expect certain things more than it is about giving up our expectations.

I have a right to expect respectful treatment from a person I'm sharing my life with.
If he doesn't live up to that, it's not my expectation that's the problem; it's his behavior.
My expectation only becomes a problem if he treats me with no respect for years and I let him, and I still expect him to change.

Tuffgirl

YES lillamy and anvil - well said!

I struggled with the "no expectations' theory because I believe its expectations that allow us to set boundaries for ourselves. How can we not have them?

But there's a line - and its that our expectations are ours. As lillamy says - our personal expectations become a problem when we expect someone else to change to suit them. Or an even better word for "expect"...demand.