I jinxed myself

Old 01-12-2012, 06:16 PM
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I jinxed myself

Apparently I spoke too soon during my last post. My RABF has been MIA for the whole day...we date long distance and rely on phone calls/texts/emails/facebook to stay connected during the day. Ignoring people is his MO when it comes to drinking, and no contact past 8pm is way out of ordinary. I'm hoping that something came up, but I've got that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Trying not to freak out and jump to conclusions. I can't control it, I can't change it. I can't control it, I can't change it......
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Old 01-12-2012, 06:31 PM
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I know that feeling all to well when communication is cut off. In my case it was because he was drinking again, but I pray that this isn't the case for you too.
One of the things that helped me was: The time you spend worrying about what HE'S doing is precious minutes and seconds of YOUR life that you'll never get back.
Easier said then done, huh?
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Old 01-12-2012, 06:35 PM
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Very. I keep repeating stuff in my head, but my anxiety level is going through the roof. I know that he's not going to return/answer phone calls until he's done drinking, which could be days. This just sucks. How does it go from one extreme to the other in 12 hours???
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Old 01-12-2012, 06:42 PM
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Sorry... ugh.
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Old 01-12-2012, 06:45 PM
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Ok, so I think that I'm going to have to learn to not jump to conclusions. I did just talk to him. He recently lost his job due to A, and he's dealing with $$$ issues because of it...he said that he's been dealing with the bank all day and is in a bad mood and doesn't want to take it out on me. So, I'm glad he's not drinking and I feel kind of guilty about assuming...will this get better???
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Old 01-13-2012, 04:20 AM
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Focus on you, your recovery from codependency. Obsessesing and projecting are sure signs of codependency.

Are you attending Alanon meetings? Have you read Codependent No More? I would suggest
that you do both.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:55 AM
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Why do you feel guilty for assuming? It sounds as though you assumed correctly. He lost his job due to alcohol. You weren't off the mark on that one hon!
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:19 AM
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Originally Posted by button21 View Post
So, I'm glad he's not drinking and I feel kind of guilty about assuming...will this get better???
No need to feel guilty upon assuming something is true based upon your past experiences.
It is not up to you to change your perceptions because of guilt and/or his words.
It is up to him to alter your perceptions based upon his actions.

Nothing changes if nothing changes - his actions in the long term will let you know if anything has changed.
You don't have to change your mind in the meantime "just because." That's the behavior that keeps us stuck in unhealthy situations!
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:46 AM
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It wasn't a jinx...just a learning lesson. It's not going to be a perfect journey for him. Hoping this is just a slip up along the way. Don't lose your optimism just yet! More to be revealed...
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