My plan to leave AH is getting closer, getting nervous...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 39
My plan to leave AH is getting closer, getting nervous...
I met with an Attorney for the first time on 1/2/12, scared to death as I walked through the front door. I was so paranoid AH was going to somehow get out of work and see my car parked outside. I almost threw up in the lobby I was so scared. I knew (and still do) I was doing the right thing, but until you go through something like this, you will never know how it feels. We've been together for 21 years in February (married 18) and this is like a slow death to me on one side but a complete awakening on the other.
Since this day, I have had to sneak around and move things little by little out of the house. Organize things in such a way to be easily retrievable when it comes time to move out. I cleaned out our basement and put the whole pile of "garage sale CHIT" as he would call it on EBAY and I've already made $300 in SOLD sales and I have over $200 in SELLING (oh yay baby!). I borrowed enough for the retainer from my parents and hired this Attorney. Since then we've been working on paperwork, and signing papers. I've had to "play" at home like everything is normal. That is probably the hardest part for me.
The funny thing is...I haven't been as emotional as I thought I'd be. Because of his verbal and emotional abuse along with his A, I am actually looking at my future with a smile on my face. He told me in October in his drunken rage, I was a failure and I never succeded at anything I tried, I was a "B", a "DUMB***", screamed at me at the top of his lungs in a bar because he was so intoxicated "You FU**** B****". SInce then is when I decided 2012 would be the year I would leave him. Then New Year's Eve he had another "stunt" and the next day I said "January - 2012" will be the year I leave
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME AND MY SON!
Anyhoo, the A seems IS getting worse as I thought because now he is having problems "performing" and I felt like saying to him "gee maybe it's because you're half in the bag honey!", but I didn't.
My parents and sister's family are all behind me 100% and have offered to help me move out of the house the week of the 23rd. I'm nervous, but I'm excited. I'm advised by my Attorney this is the best and most safest way to do this because of his temper. (I could go on about that forever, because I've endured EIGHT years of verbal and emotional abuse). My self-esttem is nowhere to be found right now and our son has also suffered from it. He has in the past called our son a baby for crying. He'd say "quit crying"! He'd yell and scream at him for no reason a few years ago because he had a speech delay he'd tell him to "spit it out!". I was so horrified and now I wonder why on earth I stayed so long, but I was SO scared. I've been called everyname in the book and humiliated in front of friends and family many times.
I'm done, done being emotionally battered. Done being in a loveless marriage. Done living with an Alcoholic (who doesn't think he is one) and done pretending my life is peachy. Because it's not.
Anyway, I love the thread about the quotes and inspirational messages. I copied a lot of them down. I'm going to print them off and hang on my bedroom wall at my parents house once we move in so I can read them every night before I close my eyes and go to sleep.
Thank you everyone!
Since this day, I have had to sneak around and move things little by little out of the house. Organize things in such a way to be easily retrievable when it comes time to move out. I cleaned out our basement and put the whole pile of "garage sale CHIT" as he would call it on EBAY and I've already made $300 in SOLD sales and I have over $200 in SELLING (oh yay baby!). I borrowed enough for the retainer from my parents and hired this Attorney. Since then we've been working on paperwork, and signing papers. I've had to "play" at home like everything is normal. That is probably the hardest part for me.
The funny thing is...I haven't been as emotional as I thought I'd be. Because of his verbal and emotional abuse along with his A, I am actually looking at my future with a smile on my face. He told me in October in his drunken rage, I was a failure and I never succeded at anything I tried, I was a "B", a "DUMB***", screamed at me at the top of his lungs in a bar because he was so intoxicated "You FU**** B****". SInce then is when I decided 2012 would be the year I would leave him. Then New Year's Eve he had another "stunt" and the next day I said "January - 2012" will be the year I leave
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME AND MY SON!Anyhoo, the A seems IS getting worse as I thought because now he is having problems "performing" and I felt like saying to him "gee maybe it's because you're half in the bag honey!", but I didn't.
My parents and sister's family are all behind me 100% and have offered to help me move out of the house the week of the 23rd. I'm nervous, but I'm excited. I'm advised by my Attorney this is the best and most safest way to do this because of his temper. (I could go on about that forever, because I've endured EIGHT years of verbal and emotional abuse). My self-esttem is nowhere to be found right now and our son has also suffered from it. He has in the past called our son a baby for crying. He'd say "quit crying"! He'd yell and scream at him for no reason a few years ago because he had a speech delay he'd tell him to "spit it out!". I was so horrified and now I wonder why on earth I stayed so long, but I was SO scared. I've been called everyname in the book and humiliated in front of friends and family many times.
I'm done, done being emotionally battered. Done being in a loveless marriage. Done living with an Alcoholic (who doesn't think he is one) and done pretending my life is peachy. Because it's not.
Anyway, I love the thread about the quotes and inspirational messages. I copied a lot of them down. I'm going to print them off and hang on my bedroom wall at my parents house once we move in so I can read them every night before I close my eyes and go to sleep.
Thank you everyone!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
Welcome gbert! This too shall pass and then spring will be right around the corner. I was married 39 yrs and divorced him last August. When I think of what abuse I put up with for all those years I totally understand where you are coming from. I felt the same way going to the lawyer sort of like a surrealistic feeling. I'm also a cancer survivor and the cancer was the final push I needed to see that what I was doing wasn't living but that it was time to start.
You and your son are in my prayers.
You and your son are in my prayers.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Congrats to you on your new and wonderful life - may I add another positive affirmation that helped me when I started that same path. . .
I posted this one on my computer at work - it helped me tremendously. . .
I am precious I love myself
I am loveable, i love myself
I am worthwhile, I love myself
I matter, I love myself
I am intelligent, I love myself
I have a right to my feelings, my perceptions, my recovery and my life
I love myself
I am responsible for my behavior, my feelings, my perceptions, my recovery and my life,
I love myself!
Hope you have PINKTastic day!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
I posted this one on my computer at work - it helped me tremendously. . .
I am precious I love myself
I am loveable, i love myself
I am worthwhile, I love myself
I matter, I love myself
I am intelligent, I love myself
I have a right to my feelings, my perceptions, my recovery and my life
I love myself
I am responsible for my behavior, my feelings, my perceptions, my recovery and my life,
I love myself!
Hope you have PINKTastic day!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I too LIKE YOUR PLAN. I see a lot of thought and energy has been put into it already and you are still moving forward!
Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would suggest, that you might want to 'incorporate' into your plan your nearest Domestic Violence Shelter, for their services, ie counseling for you and your child, help in finding housing, etc You see the verbal/emotional tirades ARE ABUSE and can do as much harm to a person as physical abuse.
You nearest DV shelter can be a great 'asset' in your moving forward with your life.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much. And please remember that we are walking with you in spirit.
You post made my heart smile!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would suggest, that you might want to 'incorporate' into your plan your nearest Domestic Violence Shelter, for their services, ie counseling for you and your child, help in finding housing, etc You see the verbal/emotional tirades ARE ABUSE and can do as much harm to a person as physical abuse.
You nearest DV shelter can be a great 'asset' in your moving forward with your life.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much. And please remember that we are walking with you in spirit.
You post made my heart smile!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
"I'm done, done being emotionally battered. Done being in a loveless marriage. Done living with an Alcoholic (who doesn't think he is one) and done pretending my life is peachy. Because it's not"
You go Girl!!......WOW!.....Don't look back....What an inspiration you are to me right now.....the above really sticks with me...I haven;t quite got there yet...well atleast in my head I have Lol :0)...but not in actually leaving....and oh goodness you are so right.
Hopefully.....I am not too far behind you! One step at a time....Look after YOU Take care ....thinking of you Phiz :0)
You go Girl!!......WOW!.....Don't look back....What an inspiration you are to me right now.....the above really sticks with me...I haven;t quite got there yet...well atleast in my head I have Lol :0)...but not in actually leaving....and oh goodness you are so right.
Hopefully.....I am not too far behind you! One step at a time....Look after YOU Take care ....thinking of you Phiz :0)
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
I'm REALLY impressed that you are SO organized that you were even able to sell your "stuff" on Ebay!! Man, I could use your services around my house!
I'm sooooooooo happy for you. I know it feels crazy and nerve-racking right now, but you WILL get through this and it's clear you are much stronger than you think.
We're walking with you! (((Hugs))))
I'm sooooooooo happy for you. I know it feels crazy and nerve-racking right now, but you WILL get through this and it's clear you are much stronger than you think.
We're walking with you! (((Hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 120
Wow,
Very well written and I can sense the excitement and hope in your attitude. You are a smart woman, that's for sure, the way you planned and are now executing.No one should live the way you have. You deserve to be loved and happy. That goes for your son to.
Congratulations and I would wish you luck, but you are making your own.
Very well written and I can sense the excitement and hope in your attitude. You are a smart woman, that's for sure, the way you planned and are now executing.No one should live the way you have. You deserve to be loved and happy. That goes for your son to.
Congratulations and I would wish you luck, but you are making your own.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Sweetheart, you're doing GREAT!!! I am so proud of you for seeing that the abuse has affected you and affected your son, and taking calm, smart steps towards creating a better life for yourself and your boy!!!
Don't underestimate the heavy toll emotional and verbal abuse takes on a person. It can be just as damaging as physical abuse. So when you get bouts of doubt and guilt, come back here and we'll remind you of exactly why you are leaving, and that it's a very wise move.
And be careful. I'm glad you have lots of support "in the meat world" as well as here.
Hugs. Will be thinking of you!!!
Don't underestimate the heavy toll emotional and verbal abuse takes on a person. It can be just as damaging as physical abuse. So when you get bouts of doubt and guilt, come back here and we'll remind you of exactly why you are leaving, and that it's a very wise move.
And be careful. I'm glad you have lots of support "in the meat world" as well as here.
Hugs. Will be thinking of you!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 39
Yes I left last week and it's been extremely hard. but, I am hanging tight you guys. I now have my computer all hooked up at home. This weekend has been extremely hard and emotional on my entire family. A lot of tears have been shed. As you know, My hubby went on a fishing trip last week and during that time, I packed up mine and my 9 yo son's things and completely moved out, rented a house and am staying with my mom and dad until we are settled. He got home on Friday afternoon and was completely shocked and devastated. I have not seen or spoken to him but we have been texting back and forth on arrangements for son. Son says while fishing yesterday he was crying off and on and said he is going to do anything to get his family back together and he made a promise he would keep forever in not talking mean or treating mean to either of us ever, ever again. My feelings have not changed. I know this is all part of the "process" in that he will be grieving over the "idea" of us and/or this family, but the truth is I can never go back into that marriage/house knowing "how" he "really" feels about me. I have lost what I once had for this man. He drew the last straw with the inciden tin October when he screamed at me in a bar full of people (him totally drunk and me sober) I was a FU**** BI***). Anyway, today he's coming in about 15 min to pick up son at my parents house ( I am at our new house right now) so he can play outside with him at our old home. He wanted to talk today but I told him it was too soon in that all we would do is cry and we would not accomplish anything. I told him to wait until next Sunday so we can let this all sink in and digest and calm down.
Talking will be fine, but my talk will be this is my choice and this is what I am doing and there's no turning back at this point. I gave him 8 long years (been together 21 in February) to try to make him see the light in how he treated me, yet he chose to say NO to marriage counseling, NO to quitting drinking and continued to belittle me, call me names, and treat me like chit. I gave him all the time in the world but now it's too late. I purchased two beds and a washer and dryer yesterday and spent $2000 so I am in this for the long haul, plus we are moved into our home (still situation which is FUN!) and I plan on staying here. The feelins and emotions I am feeling right now are sadness "for him" that he was and is unwilling to change and sadness that he is hurting. My parents, my sister and me have been crying all weekend since he got home. Church was really hard this morning..UUUGH! ANyway, just wanted to let you guys know that I/we are alright and it's very very hard but I am apulling through so far. I will stay strong and ask God to guide me through the toughest time in my life.
Thank you all once again for all your support. THe support on this site since I joined in I think 2004 has been amazing and here it is 2012 and I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY made the move - it's a long time coming, it will be harder even from this point on, but it will be so worth it. Oh, son (9) is doing very well with all of it. He's actually excited to be getting "two" homes, a new (2nd) bedroom, his own bathroom and CABLE in his bedroom LOL!
Hugs to all.
Talking will be fine, but my talk will be this is my choice and this is what I am doing and there's no turning back at this point. I gave him 8 long years (been together 21 in February) to try to make him see the light in how he treated me, yet he chose to say NO to marriage counseling, NO to quitting drinking and continued to belittle me, call me names, and treat me like chit. I gave him all the time in the world but now it's too late. I purchased two beds and a washer and dryer yesterday and spent $2000 so I am in this for the long haul, plus we are moved into our home (still situation which is FUN!) and I plan on staying here. The feelins and emotions I am feeling right now are sadness "for him" that he was and is unwilling to change and sadness that he is hurting. My parents, my sister and me have been crying all weekend since he got home. Church was really hard this morning..UUUGH! ANyway, just wanted to let you guys know that I/we are alright and it's very very hard but I am apulling through so far. I will stay strong and ask God to guide me through the toughest time in my life.
Thank you all once again for all your support. THe support on this site since I joined in I think 2004 has been amazing and here it is 2012 and I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY made the move - it's a long time coming, it will be harder even from this point on, but it will be so worth it. Oh, son (9) is doing very well with all of it. He's actually excited to be getting "two" homes, a new (2nd) bedroom, his own bathroom and CABLE in his bedroom LOL!
Hugs to all.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
