How long for damage control?
 

My 13 year sober husband relapsed very hard a few months ago and is so far down the rabbit hole now, he may never get back. We are in divorce proceedings...it is much too much for me to contend with. I have a no contact order with him.

He turned into a person I can't recognize in any way now. Such crazy things he says. He's calling my friends, to get them to "mediate" a discussion between us (we both have attorneys) interpretation: he wants my best friends to convince me it will be ok if he just walks away, and leaves me with nothing and no health insurance. (after two recent surgeries)

Ok..as if that weren't crazy enough...he's private messaging the 23 yr old daughter of a two decades long friend of mine. She is completely weirded out by it...he keeps wanting to come over and help her with stuff (Facebook) He is 52. I'm so creeped out.

I realize I cannot control his behavior. I cannot protect whatever may be left of his reputation. BUT...can somebody tell me two things: are these crazy behaviors the real him, that have been revealed by the drinking now? And how long, really, am I going to have to do damage control when I don't even live with him anymore? I have to wonder how many other people he is contacting I don't know about. He may not have awareness that he's damaged his reputation completely, but I'm a professional business owner and my reputation is very important. These crazy things he is doing is NOTHING like anything I could ever imagine he would do...

Trying to untangle this....

i agree some of your soon to be ex-husbands actions sound creepy. IMO maybe now would be a good time to ask your friends not to share any information regarding your spouse with you. Afterall he is a grown man. You certainly are not responsible for his actions.

His actions may be somewhat out of character and embarrassing to you, but they are HIS actions. You have no power over his conduct.

Just another thought, why are your friends accepting his calls? They could just as easily not answer the phone, or be direct and ask him to not contact them regarding you.

Sounds to me as if your friends enjoy this drama a little bit too much.......

Take care of you, wishing you all good things.............

I agree with marie1960. Just advise friends that you don't have contact with him for obvious reasons and that they don't have to accept calls or texts either. Then let them know that you would rather not be informed of such contact as it's upsetting to you. Hopefully they will understand, and if not, it's their issue.

They already know that. I'm not trying to control my friend's response to him..that is up to them. But the social media stuff worries me...I took him off my Facebook and LinkedIn...

My bigger question is the one of character traits: is this creepy and pathetic person he's become really who he is, revealed now via the addiction? Or does it really make them become someone else. The distance between the person I knew and the one showing up now is totally unrecognizable. Can't imagine it is who he really is..but????

If he is actively drinking, they are probably the ramblings of a poisoned mind.

borrowing Suki's words of wisdom here........................

You can wring the alcohol out of an asshat, but you still have an asshat.

I often blamed alot of moral, and character flaws on the booze. When in fact he could be quite an ass sober.
He is an active alcoholic. He is doing what alkie's do. I am sorry that the person you love has become a stranger. peace........