Phone call
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Phone call
So the ex's counselor called me today. He wanted to know if I had any questions, input, how things were going etc. I'm not exactly sure what they are fishing for when they call me.
I told him I didn't have any questions. What is there to question? He asked about the kids and how I was managing. I'm all alone with four kids, a full time job, a parent with health problems and now in a nursing home so I have to sell a house and over a dozen pieces of various equipment, figure out what to do with a gravel pit, another older relative that is moving, and I'm hanging by a damn thread. That is how. My job is precarious, my body is falling apart, my kids are in therapy, my 5yo's are failing kindergarten for heavens sake because despite people saying we can do it all - we really can not do it all. I didn't spew all that at him btw - just venting to you all.
He is gone and he isn't coming back "because I live in the middle of nowhere" per the counselor. I live 35 miles from where these kids were born and 90 miles from where their dad was born. I did not move away. He did. What can their dad do? I do not know what he can do. I am tired. I do not have space in my mind to think about what he can do. He can figure out on his own what to do, or with the help of his daily counselor, in a program that provides for his every need.
He wants to know if we are amicable because that is best for the kids? Well we get along as long as I email and keep it short and to the point and talk about kids stuff only. No, xah can not stay at my house when he visits. We are not that amicable. Xah blames me - for everything - for messing up the family and the kids and I told the counselor that we'll never agree on that topic. The counselor said 'yeah' and nothing else. Well then. I'm sure my ears should be on fire every day the way xah is probably talking about me.
I don't know why I'm so upset right now. I guess I wanted this counselor to just tell me it wasn't all my fault and he didn't, nor should he really. He isn't my counselor and I'm not perfect but it isn't wrong to leave someone. I didn't ruin everything.
I told him I didn't have any questions. What is there to question? He asked about the kids and how I was managing. I'm all alone with four kids, a full time job, a parent with health problems and now in a nursing home so I have to sell a house and over a dozen pieces of various equipment, figure out what to do with a gravel pit, another older relative that is moving, and I'm hanging by a damn thread. That is how. My job is precarious, my body is falling apart, my kids are in therapy, my 5yo's are failing kindergarten for heavens sake because despite people saying we can do it all - we really can not do it all. I didn't spew all that at him btw - just venting to you all.
He is gone and he isn't coming back "because I live in the middle of nowhere" per the counselor. I live 35 miles from where these kids were born and 90 miles from where their dad was born. I did not move away. He did. What can their dad do? I do not know what he can do. I am tired. I do not have space in my mind to think about what he can do. He can figure out on his own what to do, or with the help of his daily counselor, in a program that provides for his every need.
He wants to know if we are amicable because that is best for the kids? Well we get along as long as I email and keep it short and to the point and talk about kids stuff only. No, xah can not stay at my house when he visits. We are not that amicable. Xah blames me - for everything - for messing up the family and the kids and I told the counselor that we'll never agree on that topic. The counselor said 'yeah' and nothing else. Well then. I'm sure my ears should be on fire every day the way xah is probably talking about me.
I don't know why I'm so upset right now. I guess I wanted this counselor to just tell me it wasn't all my fault and he didn't, nor should he really. He isn't my counselor and I'm not perfect but it isn't wrong to leave someone. I didn't ruin everything.
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Thumper, you don't have to take those calls. I'm not even so sure it's very ethical for his counselor to be calling you. His relationship with his counselor is his business. If he discusses his relationship with you with his counselor, that's still his business. For the counselor to drag you into his therapy just doesn't seem right to me.
BTW, it really sounds like you could use your OWN counselor to help you through the stresses you are facing right now. Do you have one?
L
BTW, it really sounds like you could use your OWN counselor to help you through the stresses you are facing right now. Do you have one?
L
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I agree with LTD - my first thought reading this was why is his counselor calling you? But I suppose it was to question about the kids. Anyway, it didn't seem right to my ears.
Goodness, you certainly have your hands full right now. I have always respected the heck out of you, Thumper, but now even more! I have raised two kids by myself and that was hard enough.
Goodness, you certainly have your hands full right now. I have always respected the heck out of you, Thumper, but now even more! I have raised two kids by myself and that was hard enough.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Xah knows he was going to call because he left me a message telling me so. I actually wasn't going to take the call but he called on my work phone. I got a call once before when he was in the alcohol treatment side of it. I think he is in their system now working on extreme anxiety and panic (still has to go to meetings etc.though) with a goal of living in the community. Honestly I don't want him to move next door. It would be more stress for me then being alone.
ETA: I don't know - when I talk to the counselor nothing really sounds un-ethical or like it crosses any lines. A lot of the questions are if I need anything. I would get it if we were married but we are not.
I quit counseling when I moved. I can't take that much time off work or I'm going to get fired. I've approached the community health clinic that covers my area about opening an office somewhere in town to send a counselor to once a week or even twice a month to meet local need. I think they need more referrals before they are open to considering that. The kids' counselor comes to the school but she does just kid stuff.
I'm overwhelmed today. I'm thankful for your other thread. I think I need to work part time for a couple years but that would plummet me into poverty status. I've worked at least 40hrs a week since I was 17 years old, at the same job for 20 years. I'm big on security. I have a lot of fear surrounding a decision like that but soon my father will be gone forever and my kids grown and there are no second chances to get it right. I can always go get a job. I've been telling myself that for a year and my heart still threatens to beat out of my chest just thinking about it. I'm getting stuck in a familiar spot - finding it hard to accept and manage the way things are, don't want to make a decision to change it. Fear fear fear.
ETA: I don't know - when I talk to the counselor nothing really sounds un-ethical or like it crosses any lines. A lot of the questions are if I need anything. I would get it if we were married but we are not.
I quit counseling when I moved. I can't take that much time off work or I'm going to get fired. I've approached the community health clinic that covers my area about opening an office somewhere in town to send a counselor to once a week or even twice a month to meet local need. I think they need more referrals before they are open to considering that. The kids' counselor comes to the school but she does just kid stuff.
I'm overwhelmed today. I'm thankful for your other thread. I think I need to work part time for a couple years but that would plummet me into poverty status. I've worked at least 40hrs a week since I was 17 years old, at the same job for 20 years. I'm big on security. I have a lot of fear surrounding a decision like that but soon my father will be gone forever and my kids grown and there are no second chances to get it right. I can always go get a job. I've been telling myself that for a year and my heart still threatens to beat out of my chest just thinking about it. I'm getting stuck in a familiar spot - finding it hard to accept and manage the way things are, don't want to make a decision to change it. Fear fear fear.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Thumper,
My heart feels for you, with so much on your plate.
One thing I do know, is that you will not always have all these problems. Some will resolve, new ones come, but I believe that yours will even out eventually. You have a good head on your shoulders, and have always been an inspiration here. Hang in there girl.
hugs
chicory
My heart feels for you, with so much on your plate.
One thing I do know, is that you will not always have all these problems. Some will resolve, new ones come, but I believe that yours will even out eventually. You have a good head on your shoulders, and have always been an inspiration here. Hang in there girl.
hugs
chicory
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