tryintosmile

*TryingtoSmile*

I know I have made some horrible mistakes in my life and #1 is being an A**hole towards you. I do apologize from the bottom of my heart my drinking for the past 15-20 years was not nice and I wish I could take it all back and turn the clock back but I can't. I have been drunk for most part of the time you and I have been togeather and no it's not your fault it's mine. I am not going to beg you and you have every right in this world to hate me. But in the past 2 weeks being sorber and spending time with you I have enjoyed it. You are a very inteligent person and I do look forward in comeing home and seeing you. I plan on staying sorber it is the best I've felt in a long time and yes I'm sorry for being grouchy sometimes. But I'm willing to do whatever you want if you would give me one more chance on a sorber scale. I will not complain about the way the house looks or super not cooked. I can take care of it myself and help you on your bad day's.

If you could give me till after the New Year to prove to you that I can be the *man* you used to know.

P.S. I do care for you. I always have. I was just an A**hole.

Love, *him*

I just came across this letter when going through some papers. It was written over 3 years ago, when he was convalescing from his heart attack. It's the only letter of any sort he's written to me in the 15 years we've been together and the only time he's been sober for more than a day. The moral of this story is as many of you have written. Nothing changes if nothing changes and nope -- NOTHING has changed - not yet anyway. We're going for a preliminary meeting next week (hopefully he won't find yet another excuse for not taking the first step). I just wonder if there are some A's that can never bring themselves to believe they need help to quit.

suki44883

Sadly, there are many. In fact, most never get help. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I do hope you are taking care of yourself. He's going to do whatever he is going to do. You can have a wonderful life in spite of him.

Tuffgirl

Well - that was an attempt - albeit 3 years old - but I hope you take it for the heartfelt words it was at the moment it was written. So sad what this disease does to people.

Hang in there!
~T

LaTeeDa

Yes, the words are all too easy. Action is where the rubber meets the road.

L

choublak

Hechos, no palabras. Deeds, not words.

Seren

That must have been quite a letter to find. I'm sorry to hear he is still struggling, and hope things change for him soon.

How are you?

tryintosmile

Thanks - sorry that I've gotten 3 more years of A**hole after this was written. How can one feel good about getting an apology, when they continue to be blamed? Oh well - just thought I'd share because it sure gave me some perspective and for people who are still stuck - it won't change if no one makes a change. A bit of a wakeup call that I guess I needed ...

Seren

Sometimes the timing of these things is amazing, isn't it? Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate and plan for a change of some sort?

dollydo

Nothing will change until you change you. That todate, is still the missing link in your relationship with him.

NYCDoglvr

Absolutely! Addiction is the disease of denial. What this tells me is that actions speak louder than words.