lillamy

Over the past week, I've considered becoming a hermit because of the ignorance and sometimes willful stupidity of mankind. And the fact that I used to be just as stupid and ignorant, and in many other areas still am, isn't helping.

Between my coworkers ("thank GOD it's Friday; I'm hitting the bar at 4:30 getting WASTED"), my FB friends ("I guess I chose the wrong day to quit heroin, haha") and my girlfriends ("I think there is something wrong with my son, he gets SO upset when his dad passes out drunk"), I swear I just want to grab people by the shoulders and shake them until they gain some sense.

People who aren't alcoholics can go get drunk on Friday afternoon, that's fine. People can be in denial about the addiction of their spouses (he can't be an alcoholic; he just NEEDS to go out for drinks with his clients every day). Been there, done that, got the scars. And maybe I'm being hypersensitive but GDMNIT, WHY is joking about addictions funny????

Jokes, if you look at it sociologically, only work if you joke "up" -- minorities can joke about white people; women can joke about men, but the other way 'round, it doesn't work. So the self-deprecating "oh boy maybe I'm an addict haha" doesn't work either. In addition, those same-self people would be outraged and indignant if I made a joke about, say, stage four lung cancer in front of someone whose son or father was dying from that disease.

Don't get me wrong -- we joke about alcoholism and alcoholics all the time. For us, it's a survival mechanism. A lot like black guys calling each other the N-word.

But "normal" people using addiction as fodder for their jokes, it is rubbing me so much the wrong way that I want to scream at them.

To me, it's very much like using the word "********" to describe something that's just normal forgetful behavior -- and I think there's a general politically correct mainstream opinion that using the word that way is offensive.

Joking about addiction should be just as offensive.

And I know, I know, I know. You can't control anyone but yourself and your own reactions. Still. I see people dying from this effing disease day by day, walking corpses, zombies -- and I see other people using it as a joke. And the lack of compassion, the lack of understanding... really, really makes my skin crawl.

I just needed to get that out.
(And yes, I'm acutely aware that I'm one of the least compassionate codies here. Doesn't mean I don't have compassion.)

choublak

Haha.

I have ADD/ADHD.

It's not fatal, but it is one of those things people LOVE to throw around casually. I got tired of that, so I started responding to such comments with serious questions.

Them: OMG I am so ADD!
Me: Really, are on medication for it?
Them: Oh, um I'm not really ADD...
And they shut up.

Another thing I remember, is when I first told my cousin (via text) that my bf had a drinking problem, her response was, "who doesn't...drink more, you'll notice it less"

Scolova

The most wore out one for me: "No good story begins with; I was having a salad..." ... makes me wanna reply "Maybe true, although no one has ever suffered liver failure from a salad."

tryintosmile

My A stumbles to bed every night and I often cringe, bracing myself for a thud. Not too long ago he went to dive into the bed and dove into the night table. I had to call a medical health line because I was worried that he wouldn't respond to me and his nose was gashed and bleeding. He also goes into coughing spells when he passes out, because of reflux from so much vodka. I always think he's going to aspirate and choke to death, because sometimes he can't get his breath - but he always seems to get it back.

These things are not funny. Like anything else though, I sometimes think people have to walk in these shoes in order to understand. Sadly, I think it's part of human nature to joke about things they can't comprehend to be serious issues for others. I hope someday that people will evolve to be more compassionate, empathetic and more understanding human beings --- for the well being of all of us.

Willybluedog

I read a joke just today that seems so relevant.

I am not an alcoholic, alcoholics ho to meetings, I am a drunk, we go to parties.

My mom drinks 6 bottles of wine almost every day, she falls and bashes her face on the furniture, she will not get help, she will not admit she has a problem, and it sure as hell is not funny when you grew up with it or you are married to someone who does it.

Seren

Sadly, those who have not lived "on the inside" simply will not get it, the same way I will never truly understand what it's like to struggle with addiction.

I think people make jokes when they are nervous and uncomfortable because they don't know what else to do.

onlythetruth

I agree, joking about addiction is not funny.

I also do not think that lawyer jokes are particularly funny, because I'm a lawyer.

Making fun of others in the name of humor is offensive. However, most people do it and don't mean anything by it. They just aren't thinking. I've found it best in most cases to shrug it off.

misskris76

Well......late stage alcoholism or severe drug addiction is certainly very horrible to live with, have or see, but it is kinda of funny some of the stuff people do when they are drunk or high (albeit pathetic) and one can't help laughing, even if they know they shouldn't, just like when someone falls or gets hits in the nads, once everyone knows the injured party is ok, they can't help but laugh. However also, making fun of people who truly have severe addiction problems, or telling jokes about them, is, IMHO, like making jokes about a homeless person (who may be mentally ill or without any family members to turn to)...they just don't get it and say, about the addict...'why don't they quit?' or the homeless person begging for change 'get a job!'...why do they tell joke about such people? First, they don't understand and they are basically Aholes, and also, it makes them feel better cuz it isn't them, BUT IT COULD BE! It is the same about making a joke say, like about children starving in Somalia, Why do kids in Somalia blah blah blah...punchline laugh....so wrong, but the joke is, it is witty, although insensitive and a Ahole remark, and the relief is, it's not us starving...but it could be! That's where compassion comes in, and some people just aren't there yet, they are still just stuck in fear.

misskris76

Not to double dip, but my bet is a person who is constantly making jokes about alcoholics or being a cokehead or whatever...probably is one or is worried they may be!!

bless5

I know the feeling. Because of my profession, I have about 1500 FB friends, the majority of which are high school and college age, because that's my "target market". My business gets alot of expose from my FB postings and I have to use that to help my business continue to grow, but I can't stand seeing all the "partying posts" with pictures and all. I finally figured out that I can "unsubscribe" from each person, but still be their FB friend, and then I don't see their party posts on my wall unless I go to their individual page. I know they are playing with fire and I just can't watch it all and maintain a peaceful mind. Hope this helps!

lillamy

Yep, shrugging it off is definitely the best policy. As usual, it was my attitude more than anything else that was the problem.

I had all these evil thoughts about making cruel jokes that would get back at the people making addiction jokes. Real mature. But it felt good to think about. And not do.

StarCat

I remember breaking down in Spanish class in High School once.

My teacher made a casual remark along the lines of, "I'm having an Alzheimer's moment."
My grandmother had died of Alzheimer's the day prior.
It was not a good combination, and that was the end of Spanish class that day.

People don't often realize the impact their "jokes" can have on some people, while with a different audience without that prior experience it's just "funny."