Now what?

Old 01-07-2012, 07:08 PM
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Now what?

I got an email from AH, soon to be exAH. We have a 4 way meeting in two weeks, he and I and our 2 lawyers to try to come to a dissolution/agreement. Since he had a DUI in November and arrested in July for MJ cultivation, I think he may be worried about how the meeting will go down, since I haven't allowed our 14 year old son to spend the night at his house since (except for one night during Christmas) He emailed me today and asked how I was doing. Interesting, he hasn't asked how I am doing in the year since he left. I told him I was good and asked why, he said he was thinking about it so he thought he would ask, then said see you on the 21st and to let him know if I want to talk before that. What is up with this??? I have been reading the book Addictive Thinking, good read. Can't figure this thinking out though.....
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Old 01-07-2012, 09:09 PM
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He's probably a little anxious about the outcome and wants to "play nice" now to save his butt. I would not contact him until you're with your attorney.
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Old 01-07-2012, 09:16 PM
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He may be thinking if he strokes you a little it will go better for him, maybe turn on the old charm, etc.

You are paying a lawyer good money to handle things for you, I would let him take care of it.

Best of luck,

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Old 01-08-2012, 05:23 AM
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He is attempting to play you, so, that you will role over and play dead at the meeting. Remember...he is a master manipulator.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:05 AM
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feeling so deceived

Well, we had our meeting with the lawyers and his lawyer didn't know there was a 14 year old friend in the car when AH got picked up for DUI among other things he was an idiot. Anyways his lawyer said to me " AH will be sure he does not use before he is with 14 year old son for visitation and during." At the end of the meeting I said " I do not trust that he will just not use before and during, I want my son with me during the schoolweek and then his father can see him on the weekends, but not to stay overnight". At that his lawyer and AH wanted to talk privately then said the meeting was over. Ah is going along with this plan right now. He has been out of town working for the past 6 months, coming home for his court dates and holidays, but I have been mom full time. I told AH I had to work the weekends in February at my second job at a local theater and could our son stay with him from 12-9 on Sat. and Sun. I have to drive him there and pick him up as AH's license is taken away for 6 months, he can only drive to work, however he has been seen at local in and out mart, grocery and has dropped off stuff to my house. AH replied that he had plans to go out of town that first weekend in Feb. just one week after he came home from out of town job. I went off on him in an email about how I have been the parent for 6 months and if he really wants to see his son so much, why is he going out of town? He replied he decided to stay home even though he has made the plans a long time ago, (like that makes a difference). Then on the Sat. I took son to Dad's at noon and at 4pm my son texts me that he is going to a friend's house and would I pick them up at his friend's and bring them back to my house for the evening (I work 12-4 and 6-10 at the theater). So AH didn't even make his son stay with him to spend time with him! And obviously son didn't want to. So sad.....

Then I was filling out paperwork for scholarships for high school next year and emailed AH to send me his W-2 from 2011 to send to them and fill in the information they need and he made 12000 dollars more than the previous year! He never wanted to give me a copy of his paystub when we first started the divorce process and the lawyer asked me to get a copy of it, and AH told me in an email that he didn't have a copy of his paystub because he has it electronically deposited.....right, I said, when we were together it was deposited electronically and we got a paper copy, does he think I am stupid!
I was so livid, I called him and he didn't answer and I went off about how I am working a second job to pay for our son's 10,500 dollar tuition next year, worried sick he won't be able to go and he has 12000 dollars more he made this past year (he has been out of the house since Nov. 2010) and we agreed then he would get 12000 for his monthly expenses and I would get the rest for all of our bills, with little extra for fun! I am soooooo livid. He has not responded to me, of course...... ughhhhhhhhh
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:46 AM
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Keep venting here. We understand.

Keep doing the next right thing. Let the lawyer handle the details to provide/protect you and your sons future.

Unless your agreement was already in writing (signed and notarized), your A found the way out.

I don't believe you will get validation from the A. Just more justification.

You have my ear. Going through financial set backs with my AXH currently. It is frustrating, but one thing I know:

We will be okay!

I keep telling myself that AND the serenity prayer (((hugs)))
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Old 02-18-2012, 09:09 AM
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Communicating with an alcoholic is like trying to get a 2 year old to understand
how the universe turns....


If your working on FASA, you can put in estimated numbers and go back and
change them once taxes are done..Call fasa, they are great to answer
any questions. Explain the situation to them, and they will walk you right thur it

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Old 02-18-2012, 09:24 AM
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Jack, you don't have to do all this, the lawyers are supposed to be doing this for you, also if there is any question about money, it will be weel worth the cost to hire a forensic accountant for a day or two, they will dig in, see if he has hidden or diverted money that rightfully belongs to you and your son.

I had a friend get divorced and because their daughter was in private school at the time of the divirce it was mandated that the father pay tuition through completion of high school in addition to child support.

I also thik that given your husbands legal troubles that you will be able to get supervised visitation mandated in the agreement.

Best of luck,

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Old 02-18-2012, 08:17 PM
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too much anguish

So AH decided to show up at where I work, a theater where Jersey Boys is playing and there he is with a woman, our son is at his house for the day, and he goes out, then to dinner, then brings son home at 6:30pm instead of 10pm! I had text AH to ask him to have someone, like his girlfriend, bring our son home so I wouldn't have to go over there (to exAH house) to pick up our son after the second show at 10:30. I was so upset I had to set a boundary. ExAH cannot drive due to DUI in November. I guess he didn't want his son home so he could party with his woman and not have to drive later. What a loser for a father, sometimes I don't think I know this man anymore, or did I ever? We are not even legally separated and are still in the process of a dissolution or divorce! I feel so bad for our son, he must be so .....oh I don't know what....the pain is so deep I feel I will never recover.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:25 PM
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Sounds like he is being way more Jersey Shore than Jersey Boys! Sorry!
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Old 02-20-2012, 10:13 AM
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Of course he's thinking about it.

He's thinking that OMG>...she's really doing this.
I guess she CAN survive without me...what am I going to do...maybe if I suck up and take all the blame and PRETEND to be interested in HER life....maybe this won't happen...and then she can cook, clean and take care of me for the rest of my life...

It's WAY too early for him to REALLY have a clue. Manipulating has commenced!
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