Joanie

My A checked into detox and then a 28 day residential program. I've been doing the family groups and Al-anon meetings for myself.
The day A was graduating the call of the bottle wasn't ignored. It was as if all the tools and things that had been taught were forgotten.
A got wasted.

I don't know what to do. Yes relapse is a possibility and a high one this early on. I know people relapse and recover again. A met with sponsor the next day.
Went to two meetings.

Part of me wants to say it's over, no more support from me, you are an adult and can stand on your own two feet. If that means A lives on the street then so be it. Maybe that is the only thing that will make it real.
Part of me says it's one small bump in the road give A a chance to learn from it and become stronger.

Experiences? Stories?

suki44883

All the rehabs and recovery tools in the world aren't worth a thing if the addict doesn't want to use them. When someone gets wasted on graduation day from rehab, that tells me he isn't ready to quit drinking. No one here can tell you whether or not to leave the relationship, but you have to decide whether or not you want to stay on this ride. You don't say whether or not you are married to your A, so that makes a difference, along with whether or not you have children together.

I suggest you continue with your al-anon meetings and talking to your sponsor. Even if you decide to back off from the relationship, you can always try again if your A does quit drinking and works a steady program for a long period of time. Nothing is permanent, so any decisions you make should be for your own welfare at the time.

bless5

As an adult, they get to make their own choices..... but they must live with the consequences of their choices. Enabling and A will may end up killing him!

Please continue going to Alanon and work on YOUR recovery and setting boundaries for a life of peace and joy for YOU.

Joanie

Suki, thanks for your response. I guess I wasn't clear. I am not asking anyone to tell me what to do. Just wanted to hear someone else's experiences in this situation. Whether it's the parent or spouse of friend of an A.

Joanie

I will, there aren't any meetings close by on the weekends here. But I've dusted off Codependant No More, yet one more time And I'm planning on hitting a meeting on Monday.

neferkamichael

Good for you Joanie, you can only do so much for a drunk. Don't let this drive you nuts.

bless5

Fantastic! I have a stack of books I reach for when there is no meeting when I need one. They are "my tools" but I have to use them to get them to work. Take it one day at a time, and sometimes.... one hour at a time.