feelings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: S.A. Tx
Posts: 7
feelings
Its been four months since my husband stopped drinking, and moved out. We have been getting along well lately. He found out that I took the day off monday and called to ask if I wanted to come over and visit. He never did that before. Curiosity got me. We had a nice visit for an hour before I had to leave for school.
So if things are better why do I feel so down? I put my tree up and cryed. The dog ate the lights and I cryed. The dog nocked it down I cryed. As a matter of fact every time I look at the tree I cry. I decided to take it easy this year . I only worry about the kids and a few others and not worry about the fuss and hussle. So why am I so blue? I thought I had come to terms with things. He gets the kids on the eve and I get them Christmas day and most of the weeks surounding. I have peaple all around me and still feel lonely? Why? Is this normal?
So if things are better why do I feel so down? I put my tree up and cryed. The dog ate the lights and I cryed. The dog nocked it down I cryed. As a matter of fact every time I look at the tree I cry. I decided to take it easy this year . I only worry about the kids and a few others and not worry about the fuss and hussle. So why am I so blue? I thought I had come to terms with things. He gets the kids on the eve and I get them Christmas day and most of the weeks surounding. I have peaple all around me and still feel lonely? Why? Is this normal?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 87
(((((((((LadyP))))))))))))))
YES! YES! YES!
You ARE normal. What is normal, anyhow? You are FEELING, so that is normal. You are hurting, and that is normal, you are grieving a loss, that is normal.
This time of year can totally suck for people (count me in on that this year). I will be spending my FIRST Christmas with out my ex, in 22 years. I am not too fond of x mas trees, decking the halls or being jolly. I would be grateful if I had a dog and if he ate my entire tree, then i wouldnt have to look at it all the dang time.
I just aint too happy,,period! I dont have to be, I shouldnt expec to be,,I am greiving too, Im sad and lonely that life is unfair, that the people I love are not in my life. So that makes me just about as normal as normal can be.
But you wanna know the GOOD news????????
I will say it in caps....
THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!
The bad feelings WONT stay forever, it would be impossible for them too,,it just aint natures way for us to be miserable forever,,if we choose not to be. If we choose to raech out for help, if we choose to recover, go to meetings, read, talk to folks,,,that is how we get better.
So, Dear Lady, YES you are normal, and You are allowed to feel blue,,just dont get too attached to it, cus it will pass,,,and you know what comes after the bad times? Yes, its the GOOD times...Your HP has something wonderful in store,,,just hold the faith til it arrives!
Love and health! You WILL be ok!!
YES! YES! YES!
You ARE normal. What is normal, anyhow? You are FEELING, so that is normal. You are hurting, and that is normal, you are grieving a loss, that is normal.
This time of year can totally suck for people (count me in on that this year). I will be spending my FIRST Christmas with out my ex, in 22 years. I am not too fond of x mas trees, decking the halls or being jolly. I would be grateful if I had a dog and if he ate my entire tree, then i wouldnt have to look at it all the dang time.
I just aint too happy,,period! I dont have to be, I shouldnt expec to be,,I am greiving too, Im sad and lonely that life is unfair, that the people I love are not in my life. So that makes me just about as normal as normal can be.
But you wanna know the GOOD news????????
I will say it in caps....
THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!
The bad feelings WONT stay forever, it would be impossible for them too,,it just aint natures way for us to be miserable forever,,if we choose not to be. If we choose to raech out for help, if we choose to recover, go to meetings, read, talk to folks,,,that is how we get better.
So, Dear Lady, YES you are normal, and You are allowed to feel blue,,just dont get too attached to it, cus it will pass,,,and you know what comes after the bad times? Yes, its the GOOD times...Your HP has something wonderful in store,,,just hold the faith til it arrives!
Love and health! You WILL be ok!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi LadyP.
Of course it's normal. I think it would be weirder if you didn't feel any grief. You've lost something. Cry. You're supposed to.
Big warm boy-do-I-understand hugs,
Smoke
Of course it's normal. I think it would be weirder if you didn't feel any grief. You've lost something. Cry. You're supposed to.
Big warm boy-do-I-understand hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 91
Yes.....it's very normal. At 4 months the reality of separation begins to sink in. Gone is the wall of anger that kept us feeling so strong. Now, holiday blues are with us. It's real. We can't even put the words to it.
You're doing fine. Normal feelings for your situation.
You're doing fine. Normal feelings for your situation.
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Hi LadyP
Yes this is all normal. You suffered a loss and whichever form that comes in, it is normal to grief such a loss.
I know that if I stayed sad and not live my life to the fullest I be cheating myself out of a happy life. I would give my ex still "power over" me and my life and he is not worth that, no one is.
Here are some things that worked for me;
1. Let it out, then let it go. Vent, cry, tell your friends for the 15th time how he worshipped the adorable curl of your upper lip. If you don't let your emotions out, they'll fester inside, and so will the louse's memory. So allow yourself one last good wallow. Then stop. Need some affection? Get a substitute object to cuddle. A cute puppy can go a long way toward helping you forget a guy who was a dog.
2. Retrain your heart. You will truly forget your ex once you can literally see him in a new, hunk-free light. It's called creative visualization -- imagining scenes that you want to happen. Close your eyes and remember negative images, like when he had food dribbling off his chin. Racked with rage at his callous behavior? In your mind's eye (only in your mind's eye) make him walk the plank. That should harmlessly blast away those energy-sapping, venomous emotions.
3. Write a relationship profit-and-loss statement. The end of a romance provides a wonderful time to learn about yourself. Look at your assets. For example, the ability to really be there for someone in a crunch. Examine the minuses -- perhaps you were too trusting of someone who hadn't earned it. The bottom line: Analyze what was right and wrong about your old relationship. It will help you forge a much stronger new one.
4. Form a Saturday night club. Weekends are tough for the newly single. Start calling friends early in the week to make plans for the weekend. Have a standing Saturday night date movie or inline skating date. For the volunteer-minded, Saturday night can be a great time to work at a soup kitchen or crisis hotline. And you'll meet others with big hearts and giving spirits.
5. Meet a fascinating woman: yourself. Do the things you've been dying to try or that you'd put on hold because he disapproved of them. Enroll in that acting class, research a new career, take that trip.
6. Beware the rebound hurdle. Just when you thought it was safe to go out with mascara on (no chance of tearstreaks), wham! You're back in love. But try to see this new man for who he is, not as a cure-all. It's like applying balm to a chapped heart -- temporarily soothing, but you don't cure lovesickness by replacing the love object. You've got to really be over your ex before you move on. Which brings us to ...
7. Close the door. Don't fall into yo-yo love. Let it be over. If he keeps calling to say you should give it one more chance, or that he has someone new but wants to stay friends, don't bite. Cut him loose and celebrate the new, improved, I won't-settle-for-anything-less-than-a-great-guy you.
Time does heal all wounds as they say and you will feel better in time, in your own time.
Just remember that you are very special and to live each day to the fullest and not waste one moment of sadness when you can be happy.
Love yourself enough to know you deserve this.
And you know what......instead of crying about the x-mas tree, make it the best x-mas for you and your family that you ever had in your whole life.
Cook, bake and dress up, invite some friends and spend this x-mas knowing that you are surrounded by people that love you. Smile!
God Bless and merry x-mas to you hun!!
I know that if I stayed sad and not live my life to the fullest I be cheating myself out of a happy life. I would give my ex still "power over" me and my life and he is not worth that, no one is.
Here are some things that worked for me;
1. Let it out, then let it go. Vent, cry, tell your friends for the 15th time how he worshipped the adorable curl of your upper lip. If you don't let your emotions out, they'll fester inside, and so will the louse's memory. So allow yourself one last good wallow. Then stop. Need some affection? Get a substitute object to cuddle. A cute puppy can go a long way toward helping you forget a guy who was a dog.
2. Retrain your heart. You will truly forget your ex once you can literally see him in a new, hunk-free light. It's called creative visualization -- imagining scenes that you want to happen. Close your eyes and remember negative images, like when he had food dribbling off his chin. Racked with rage at his callous behavior? In your mind's eye (only in your mind's eye) make him walk the plank. That should harmlessly blast away those energy-sapping, venomous emotions.
3. Write a relationship profit-and-loss statement. The end of a romance provides a wonderful time to learn about yourself. Look at your assets. For example, the ability to really be there for someone in a crunch. Examine the minuses -- perhaps you were too trusting of someone who hadn't earned it. The bottom line: Analyze what was right and wrong about your old relationship. It will help you forge a much stronger new one.
4. Form a Saturday night club. Weekends are tough for the newly single. Start calling friends early in the week to make plans for the weekend. Have a standing Saturday night date movie or inline skating date. For the volunteer-minded, Saturday night can be a great time to work at a soup kitchen or crisis hotline. And you'll meet others with big hearts and giving spirits.
5. Meet a fascinating woman: yourself. Do the things you've been dying to try or that you'd put on hold because he disapproved of them. Enroll in that acting class, research a new career, take that trip.
6. Beware the rebound hurdle. Just when you thought it was safe to go out with mascara on (no chance of tearstreaks), wham! You're back in love. But try to see this new man for who he is, not as a cure-all. It's like applying balm to a chapped heart -- temporarily soothing, but you don't cure lovesickness by replacing the love object. You've got to really be over your ex before you move on. Which brings us to ...
7. Close the door. Don't fall into yo-yo love. Let it be over. If he keeps calling to say you should give it one more chance, or that he has someone new but wants to stay friends, don't bite. Cut him loose and celebrate the new, improved, I won't-settle-for-anything-less-than-a-great-guy you.
Time does heal all wounds as they say and you will feel better in time, in your own time.
Just remember that you are very special and to live each day to the fullest and not waste one moment of sadness when you can be happy.
Love yourself enough to know you deserve this.
And you know what......instead of crying about the x-mas tree, make it the best x-mas for you and your family that you ever had in your whole life.
Cook, bake and dress up, invite some friends and spend this x-mas knowing that you are surrounded by people that love you. Smile!
God Bless and merry x-mas to you hun!!
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