CagedBird

Today was a week since I left.

I let AH watch DS while I was at work today. It was the first time they've seen each other since.

I am planning on letting him watch him tomorrow and Friday while I'm at work too.

He has supposedly quit drinking. I'm taking it with a grain of salt, as we all know, it's rarely like they say it is.... He did appear to be sober when I saw him, but who knows. DS was happy when I arrived.

He did try to tell me that this is all my fault, and how my StepDS cried for hours when he told him. And how I'm hurting everyone and being so selfish. But how he'd still take me back if I would just "be" with him. Quack quack quack.


I'm so ready for this process to be over.

suki44883

Textbook alcoholic quacking. I really, really hope you don't fall for it. I know you are smarter than that, but they sure can turn on the charm and use guilt and manipulation to make us start to question ourselves. If we don't give in, then they can get nasty. I swear they all must read the same book.

NeverQuit

Stay strong. And congratulations on week one! You ARE inspirational.

Hanna

My exBF kept saying he just wanted to "be" with me. Also all he wanted was to love me and that I just didn't want to be loved and didn't know how to be loved. I finally said this isn't love and if it is, you are right, I don't want it.

I also told him, after becoming exasperating with hearing it was my fault "Okay, it can be my fault."

I feel kind of silly even telling you that, I was only with the guy for about 6 weeks and he isn't what first brought me to SR. But it was a really terrible time and if 6 weeks can be that difficult, I have a great deal of respect for those of you that have dealt with so much more.

How are you feeling?

Milly39

Caged - you sound so strong - I hope that continues for you.
Don't listen to the quacking - he will keep at it until he thinks he has worn you down.
Just remember that it is all manipulation, just for you to "be" with him again.

Well done you.
M.

tjp613

I'll tell you that in my experience the really hard part comes when you are feeling lonely, vulnerable, overwhelmed and then confused. I went back numerous times (this was a LONG time ago) always after a period of 3-4 weeks when the quacking just became too much and I started to believe it...because I wanted to believe it! Looking back on it I sure wish I had SR back then....it would have given me the support that I needed through those rough patches and I could have been 'done' so much sooner.

If you ever find yourself feeling vulnerable that way and even thinking about going back, please come back to SR and read all your old posts and threads. It would have been very helpful to me, that's for sure. I did have journals and it was helpful, just didn't have the wisdom of experience to back me up like I could have gotten here.

I know it's hard. You WILL get through it. Life will be so much better in a short while. ((((Hugs))))

skippernlilg

One Day at a Time for all of us!! You're doing great!

MyBetterWorld

How lucky for you that he is so forgiving and would be willing to take you back!

fedup3

Doesn't matter what is coming out of his mouth he isn't seeking recovery which is apparent in his comments on whose at fault.

Pelican

I'll attempt a translation:

He did try to tell me that this is all my fault
Blame-shifting. Putting all blame onto the sober, sane adult of the relationship.
Manipulation. Twisting truth into fantasy in an effort to cause guilt.

how my StepDS cried for hours when he told him.
Major exaggeration. Hours......really. In hours of hearing the child cry, it did not occur to him to let the child speak with you OR offer the child some sort of COMFORT? Again this is manipulation to cause undue guilt.

And how I'm hurting everyone and being so selfish.
Projecting his issue onto you. He is the one hurting everyone and being selfish by choosing alcohol over everyone else's needs.

But how he'd still take me back if I would just "be" with him. "be" with him - ewwwww.
Manipulation. And Magical thinking! He thinks sex will solve your relationship issues. That is immature, irrational, obsessive, and control thinking.

Lots of quacking from that Big White Duck!

CagedBird

Thanks everyone.

The hardest part for me right now is, " other people's opinions of me are none of my business". I hate that every person he talks to is getting a horrible one-sided account... But I'm trying to just get my act together so that I can move on.

The truth will be there for those who seek it. The others can bugger off.


In any case, I am NOT going back!

Seren

Exactly!

I'm glad that things are still moving forward and hope that you and your child are getting some rest and peace!

fedup3

A friend will stick by you no matter what and if they don't they were not your friend.