CalamityJane

Hi,
I'm new here...and probably should have joined a long time ago for moral support. My husband is on day 4 of recovering from alcohol addiction. This is his very first 'real' attempt, and also the longest he has gone in 3 years of going without a drink. I'm worried he will relapse because it is so common for people to do so. We live in a somewhat remote part of the world, so there is no AA close by. He is quitting cold turkey, and really isn't talking to anyone about it. When I try and breach the subject he is very snarky with me. Actually, he's acting like a complete dick, but that's really nothing new.

Anyhow, I have lots of questions, but I will take them one at a time.
The first one - is the Big Book worth reading for either of us? He generally doesn't like alcoholic literature, but he did like John Cheese's 9 videos about getting sober (on cracked.com). Is it a good and helpful read?

I guess my other most immediate question is about his negative nature.
Will he ever be a nice man again, or will getting sober change nothing about his verbally abusive and negative commentary that I have been taking these last few years. Recently I think I am at a point where I don't even know if I love the guy anymore. I want to, but it is hard to love someone who continually treats me like I am something to be loathed.

Anyhow...any input would be valuable. I can't join Alanon due to our location, so this is going to have to be my support group for now.

Thanks!
CJ

DesertEyes

Hello CJ, and pleased to "meet" you

Not for you on the first day of recovery. The Big Book was written 70 some years ago and intended for alcoholics. There are books written for the family of alcoholics, and with much more up to date information. You can look up "Melody Beattie" at your closest library, or on Amazon. You can also find a _lot_ of information in the "sticky" posts up at the top of this forum.

There are many resources provided by AA for those who cannot make a meeting. He can call the AA central office in your local phone book and they can tell him what is available in your area.

No worries, answering question is what SoberRecovery is all about.

Unfortunately, nobody can tell the future. Some folks to become the person they used to be before the booze. Some don't

What recovery can do for _you_ is provide you the tools with which to deal with _either_ result.

Of course it is hard. If you take a little time to read some of the posts in this forum you will find that what you are feeling is exactly what a lot of us are dealing with. You are not alone, even if you live in a remote area.

Welcome to SoberRecovery, I'm glad you found us.

Mike

CalamityJane

Thanks Mike, it means a lot....i mean A LOT...that you said that I'm not alone.
Sometimes I have these moments when I'm driving, or just lying in bed, and I break down and cry. Self pity I guess. I am trying to make the most of my life at the same time as taking the abuse, and I am thankful that my husband is finally trying to quit. We are both young and I still think we have a chance at our relationship recovering...but when I think about the way I get treated, and then think about if I have to live my life that way even if he is sober...I'm not sure I can stick it out.

Anyhow...thanks for the advice on the book. I will suggest the online aa resources to him. I guess he will need some sort of support, but he is so stubborn about relying on others for help. It's not easy.

xo.
CJ

Vigo

I can't recommend the Big Book enough. Soon after I got clean and sober, I listened to the 4th Edition of the Big Book on audio book and it seriously changed my life (and I've never even been to an AA meeting). There is certainly other good literature out there, but it is a GREAT place to start.

Even if YOU are not an alcoholic/addict, it wouldn't hurt to check it out. And I would absolutely encourage your husband to read or listen to it.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family CJ!

I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you, and we understand.

My favorite reading is in the stickies (older, permanent posts at the top of the page). I am always finding wisdom in those posts from members who have shared their experiences.

Hugs and encouragement as you begin your own recovery from living with alcoholism.

skippernlilg

Once I got settled in with the reading here and the Al-anon literature, I did find the Big Book very helpful.