heavyelement

Hi all I am new here my self today . I am living a similar situation , only I don't have kids. My wife of 14 years has an addition to alcohol and crack . She lies to everyone that she doesn't do this stuff and her parents and family claim I am the crazy one . She doesn't help clean around the house and when she does it she does a vary poor job and I have to fix it. I keep find vodka bottles hidden all over the house and she keeps say these are old , but I know better . I work nights and she works day shift and to night I tripped over her purse avoiding the cat and heard sloshing sound from her purse , sure enough a bottle of half gone vodka , she drinks it like it is water . My wife is also obese and when she sweats , which is allot she just smells of booze and it is grosse. My marriage as I see it ended 2 years ago but i am stuck financially till the car gets paid off other wise I would kick her out . She doesn't want help she lies about this sooooo much I don't bother to mention it anymore because I will not know what i am talking about and she is verbally abusive. I have started taking pictures and logs of when and where I find this stuff to protect myself and for my piece of mind that i am not making this up . I now have a lady friend in my life as of this month ( no sex just friends) and I finally have someone out side of my family that believes I am not making this up . I am at a lose and thank god no kids . I just don't know what to do anymore I have obligation to the American legion and the veterans commission and legion county council I am an officer in all.When I try to go cycling she calls me in psycho mode that i have been gone too long and it has only been an hour . I use to teach guitar but she has become such a handful I had to stop teaching , in my life i have had to stop doing many things I love to do just so i don't have to fight with her . I am not in a financial position to separate from her due to this economy and the loss of allot of money due to the collapse of the economy and her spending on drugs and alcohol. Guys i am telling you I am at my breaking point and don't know what to do , I need help from her family but they don't believe me. I am also getting tired of doing all the house work and am just exhausted to the bone and tired of it all. Any thoughts guy , I know an addict has to admit they have a problem and want help but she wants neither and claims she wants to die . I know I have to walk away because I have been trying to help her to get passed this since 2004 and she hides it even more and gets worse but this last year she has falling in deep.
Well thanx to all that listen and read this I need to vent and get it out Other then my friend Chetna I have really nobody to vent to and she doesn't mind listening I just hate venting this all on a new friend, I don't want her to feel sorry for me but just be a good close friend.

StarCat

heavyelement, welcome to SR. I'm glad you found us, and worry about the situation that brings you here.


You may find more help starting a new thread of your own to introduce yourself.

No need to worry about "venting" - we understand what you are going through.

Have you considered starting your own bank account, so that you can put some money away that she can't access?

Seren

Hello heavyelement! Welcome to SR!

I have moved your post to a new thread so that it can receive the attention it deserves.

Although I'm sorry for what brings you here, you have found a great place for support and understanding.

Welcome, again!

HG

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I hope you continue to read and post as needed. We understand living with addiction and we are here to support you.

Some of my favorite reading is in the stickies (older, permanent posts) located at the top of the pages. I am always finding wisdom based on the experience of other members in those posts.

This is one of my favorite:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Bernadette

I know an addict has to admit they have a problem and want help but she wants neither and claims she wants to die

And she is an adult, free to make her own choices, even if those choices are horrible to us!

And you too are free heavyelement! You may not feel it - because you have been accomodating her addiction by giving up your life and your joy. But the past is gone and you are free in this moment.

Give her the telephone number to local AA and tell her as someone who loves her that you think she would benefit from giving them a call - and then just STEP off. Leave her addiction in her court and start focusing on YOU and your plans for your one life.

If we could force the addict to change NOW then none of us would be here on this site. In learning that I have no control over the addict I have regained control over my own life and that's a beautiful thing.

Glad you're here - stick around! you're not alone!
Peace-
B

Impurrfect

(((HeavyElement))) - Welcome to SR, though sorry for what has brought you here. You're not alone, and I know that helped me a lot when I first came here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy