blueeyes7

I am not in recovery but I care very much for someone who has been in recovery for almost 2 years. We have just reconnected after many years out of each other lives. We have talked about starting a sexual relationship and talked about it for 3 months before we were able to be in the area where we would be able to consummate the relationship. We've gone out once to dinner and it was very strained and awkward. Nothing happened that night. A couple of days later he came to my place and we just talked it was better but still nothing happened. Everytime we talk about it he says he gets nervous and he's afraid that he won't be able to "perform." It seems the more he talks about it the more he feels pressure. Then he accuses me of pressuring him which i swear I'm not doing. I keep telling him that there is no pressure and whatever happens happens. I don't want this to be an issue between us because his friendship means more to me then anything but i also would like intimacy from him which I feel he may not be ready to give. I should also state that he and i are both seperated from our spouses who are both alcoholics. i've backed off as far as i can without being cold what else can i do? please help. Thanks!

Hanna

Are you asking for advice about having sex without a committed relationship with someone who is in recovery?

I don't think that sounds like a healthy set up for either of you.

Pelican

Welcome to SR!

I hope you will stick around and read some of the sticky posts (older, permanent posts) at the top of the forum. I also encourage you to post as needed.

I see that you are currently seperated from your alcoholic partner. Have you considered attending Alanon meetings for support?

I found Alanon to be very helpful in dealing with my alcoholic partner, during and after our marriage ended. I also found information and support that has helped me take better care of myself in other personal relationships, as well as business relationships. I learned healthy life skills for creating a better life for myself through Alanon and from members here at SR.

Willybluedog

Dear blueeyes,

Welcome to SR,

Rather than give you relationship advice, I just wanted to share with you that individual and couples counseling was very beneficial for me.

I was in an abusive high-drama marriage, battled depression and I am an ACOA.

Therapy helped me work through relationship struggles and showed me how I could be a better mate, my second marriage has been a wonderful experience.

Best of luck to you,

Bill