Yeah, I'm a fool...still with him.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Is it wrong of me to secretly wish he'd get alcohol poisoning? What does that say about me?
When I wished my ExH would die on the way home I knew it was beyond beyond beyond time to move on. I didn't like who I was becoming.
He also lazed around, was irresponsible with money, time, children, was just totally neglectful and I walked on eggshells all the time. I took care of everything. I taught the boys how to play ball, ride a bike, balance a checkbook, fry an egg. He slept through most of that. YUK!!! But he wasn't an alcoholic.
I had fooled myslef into thinking that by not marryng an A (like my dad or my bros) I would escape the damaged relationship model. Ha ha. Joke was on me. People say alcoholism is cunning and baffling? So is codependency.
I had learned codependency at the knees of my mother (like your kids are from you) and I took that model right into every relationship I formed and poisoned them.
I say all this to point out that whether he drinks or not or whether he is in a phase or whatever just doesn't matter. It's time to put down the magnifying glass and look in the mirror.
Getting out of that marriage and getting therapy and into AlAnon again turned my head around! It was hard - but my boys have thrived, I have thrived, and I no longer wish anyone would suffer and die because they are causing me pain - I don't give those kinds of people power in my life anymore so I have no reason to feel that way. I am good friends with their dad. I have accepted him 100% the way he is and that has made all the difference.
Freedom from codependency is awesome - and it begins within!
Peace-
B
P.S. I am an RN too - try detaching from your situation enough to apply the nursing process (ADPIE!) I have found it works in any situation - Assess the problem; give it a name (Dx); make a Plan; carry out the Plan (Implementation/Intervention); and then Evaluate and adjust PRN. You can't change him - but you can change yourself and your one beautiful life. Wow what amazing lessons would I have learned from my mother if she had the courage to protect us children instead of being so focused on my A dad and on "running a tight ship" at home as she liked to say.
Not easy but worth it.
When I wished my ExH would die on the way home I knew it was beyond beyond beyond time to move on. I didn't like who I was becoming.
He also lazed around, was irresponsible with money, time, children, was just totally neglectful and I walked on eggshells all the time. I took care of everything. I taught the boys how to play ball, ride a bike, balance a checkbook, fry an egg. He slept through most of that. YUK!!! But he wasn't an alcoholic.
I had fooled myslef into thinking that by not marryng an A (like my dad or my bros) I would escape the damaged relationship model. Ha ha. Joke was on me. People say alcoholism is cunning and baffling? So is codependency.
I had learned codependency at the knees of my mother (like your kids are from you) and I took that model right into every relationship I formed and poisoned them.
I say all this to point out that whether he drinks or not or whether he is in a phase or whatever just doesn't matter. It's time to put down the magnifying glass and look in the mirror.
Getting out of that marriage and getting therapy and into AlAnon again turned my head around! It was hard - but my boys have thrived, I have thrived, and I no longer wish anyone would suffer and die because they are causing me pain - I don't give those kinds of people power in my life anymore so I have no reason to feel that way. I am good friends with their dad. I have accepted him 100% the way he is and that has made all the difference.
Freedom from codependency is awesome - and it begins within!
Peace-
B
P.S. I am an RN too - try detaching from your situation enough to apply the nursing process (ADPIE!) I have found it works in any situation - Assess the problem; give it a name (Dx); make a Plan; carry out the Plan (Implementation/Intervention); and then Evaluate and adjust PRN. You can't change him - but you can change yourself and your one beautiful life. Wow what amazing lessons would I have learned from my mother if she had the courage to protect us children instead of being so focused on my A dad and on "running a tight ship" at home as she liked to say.
Not easy but worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 64
Sorry I haven't replied, I've been away for a couple days, went back home with kids and puppy to see family for brother's bday and Christmas.
Anyway, got back home yesterday. He started up almost immediately. I guess he was mad because I didn't get down and kiss the ground he walks on b/c he did some things around here (cleaned, washed some clothes, etc) and went on about how when he leaves, I do nothing except clean the bathroom. LOL what a joke. He leaves to go back home and visit his loser friends to drink and do whatever and I'm left here to take care of everything. Whatever. So, he was mad and hollering and everything. I felt bad for my poor kids. They were happy until he started his garbage up.
I told him to pack his things and leave. He told me he isn't leaving because his name is on this place. Yeah, you paid for 1/2, I paid 1/2 too, plus had to finance a small portion and pay all the utilities, etc, etc. He told me I'll owe him for his 1/2 plus "interest." I told him I'll find some way to pay him off to get him to leave. He said that he should've never done me a favor and gave me 1/2. I told him yeah, I never should've asked if you'd like to pay 1/2, that was my BIG mistake. He looked shocked that I'd say something like that to him.
He told me that I should've stayed home that things were peaceful here without me around (I told him that last month when he went back home for a week and now he's going to use it on me) and I told him again, that he was free to pack his stuff and get out. Again, he tells me to leave. I told him that I was NOT leaving my home and moving my kids and everything (which is 99% mine anyway) out and leaving it to a drunk who can barely pay his phone bill and to have it be taken away. Got to have enough $$ for alcohol, as I'm sure you all know.
It isn't happening. I did it once before b/c my late h decided to kill himself in our old home. I am not doing it again for a drunk.
A few hours later, he's acting like nothing happened. Up all night drinking again, though. Went to bed at 7, woke ME up and blamed me for taking his chew. Saying I'm playing "head games" meanwhile, I got up to take the puppy out during all this since he had to go, and when I come back in, he told me he found where I put it, I moved it to my side of the bed. I go in and look and lo and behold RIGHT where I was sleeping, his chew can was laying. LOLOL He had to have found it and put it there, I guess to keep up his blame game. I told him that didn't he think that if I had it right where I was sleeping, I would've felt it?
He must be losing his mind or has burned enough brain cells for his mental deterioration to be noticeable.
So, I told him to leave. He won't go. I told him of course he won't leave, why would he leave his nice cushy life where he gets to sleep when he wants, eat whatever, watch tv and the only thing he pays for is his 1/2 of the phone bill.
We're supposed to get snow tonight. He threatened to go back home and hang there and leave me here. I guess he figures I can't function without him; tells me he's going to go back home and find some p*$$Y. I told him to knock himself out and go. I really don't care.
So, unless I can get a pfa for his verbal abuse and there are times when he can be scary, I don't know what else to do. We aren't married, but his name is on the deed. I should call the police next time he goes on one of his man-baby tantrums.
Anyway, got back home yesterday. He started up almost immediately. I guess he was mad because I didn't get down and kiss the ground he walks on b/c he did some things around here (cleaned, washed some clothes, etc) and went on about how when he leaves, I do nothing except clean the bathroom. LOL what a joke. He leaves to go back home and visit his loser friends to drink and do whatever and I'm left here to take care of everything. Whatever. So, he was mad and hollering and everything. I felt bad for my poor kids. They were happy until he started his garbage up.
I told him to pack his things and leave. He told me he isn't leaving because his name is on this place. Yeah, you paid for 1/2, I paid 1/2 too, plus had to finance a small portion and pay all the utilities, etc, etc. He told me I'll owe him for his 1/2 plus "interest." I told him I'll find some way to pay him off to get him to leave. He said that he should've never done me a favor and gave me 1/2. I told him yeah, I never should've asked if you'd like to pay 1/2, that was my BIG mistake. He looked shocked that I'd say something like that to him.
He told me that I should've stayed home that things were peaceful here without me around (I told him that last month when he went back home for a week and now he's going to use it on me) and I told him again, that he was free to pack his stuff and get out. Again, he tells me to leave. I told him that I was NOT leaving my home and moving my kids and everything (which is 99% mine anyway) out and leaving it to a drunk who can barely pay his phone bill and to have it be taken away. Got to have enough $$ for alcohol, as I'm sure you all know.
It isn't happening. I did it once before b/c my late h decided to kill himself in our old home. I am not doing it again for a drunk.
A few hours later, he's acting like nothing happened. Up all night drinking again, though. Went to bed at 7, woke ME up and blamed me for taking his chew. Saying I'm playing "head games" meanwhile, I got up to take the puppy out during all this since he had to go, and when I come back in, he told me he found where I put it, I moved it to my side of the bed. I go in and look and lo and behold RIGHT where I was sleeping, his chew can was laying. LOLOL He had to have found it and put it there, I guess to keep up his blame game. I told him that didn't he think that if I had it right where I was sleeping, I would've felt it?
He must be losing his mind or has burned enough brain cells for his mental deterioration to be noticeable.
So, I told him to leave. He won't go. I told him of course he won't leave, why would he leave his nice cushy life where he gets to sleep when he wants, eat whatever, watch tv and the only thing he pays for is his 1/2 of the phone bill.
We're supposed to get snow tonight. He threatened to go back home and hang there and leave me here. I guess he figures I can't function without him; tells me he's going to go back home and find some p*$$Y. I told him to knock himself out and go. I really don't care.
So, unless I can get a pfa for his verbal abuse and there are times when he can be scary, I don't know what else to do. We aren't married, but his name is on the deed. I should call the police next time he goes on one of his man-baby tantrums.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
