12 Step Girl

Todays challenge:

EX-sister in law (SiL) leaves phone message inviting my son to her daughters b day party for tomorrow AND ice skating on Sun night. Ughhh..Now, there is no love loss between us,,she never cared to bond with me in the 22 yrs Ive known her,,I was never worth her time, tho I reached out many many times to develop relationship.

So..........I ask son if he wants to go,,gives me a definite NO WAY. He does not like his cousin, the girl, as she makes fun of him and embarrases him in school. This has been ongoing for several years. I think about whether to push him to go....thinking that she is his cousin etc...but, I say to myself that there are people I dont like in my family, so I dont socialize with them, he is 11, and can make that decision himself. so,,,its a No to both invites.....

At his school honor roll awards ceremony, we walk in, he see's them and immediately freezes like a cherry popsicle. Refuses to talk to them, getting scared. I guide him to take a seat and we go on. Says he doesnt want confrontation, so I say i will tell them. Here is where the no part comes in......................

I say hello, kiss the girl, Mom asks if he can go, and I gently, calmly say No, Im sorry,,,,when asked why..Why do people always ask why??? Why cant No be good enough???LOL...I say :We have other plans"..which is the truth,,,we have plans to live a happy day with no stress from nosey relatives! Her reaction was dead silence.....this is NOT the response she expected to hear,,,People just dont say no to ani in law family invite. Ha ha,,they do now. THe nice thing is,,,I had no hesitation, no fear, no anxiety NADA!!! I did what I had to do for my son's sake,,,,he was taking care of his emotional health by not going,,,,the girl makes him nuts and he always returns feeling lousy after being around her.

So, I tell him, he feels releived,,,,but then becomes nervous at the award ceremony begins and they start calling students on stage to get award. He puts hand over mouth like he is gonna be sick and says "I cant do it, I dont wanna go up there"...Wow,,,my first instinct is to make him do it, so I try to talk him into it, isnt that what MY mom or DAD used to do? force me???

So I think,,,literally think to myself "How important is it that he walk up and get a piece of paper"? So,,,,I no prob, I will ask cousin to get it, I do, she says yes,,,but he still feels pressure and face turning white,,,I, byt this time am becoming incredibly anxious (Ok, Ok, my serenity was taking a slide, Mom was letting son's anxiety transfer over,,yessh!), so I suggest we leave,,,he is happy with that idea,,,so we go,,,and feel the cool Florida air and feel soooo relieved. His face regained its color, I stopped sweating and thought to myself,,,,"I just left an unacceptable situation and took care of my and my son's emotional health"..Wooo hoo,,,what a feeling!

Ps...I did return him to school in time for first class!

Gabe

takes a lot of courage. But when you do it, it's a wonderful feeling. Saying "no" to something that you have no Earthly reason to do is the right thing.
I'm glad you are happy with the choices you made.
Peace,
Gabe

Petunia

Christina,

You are a rockin' Mom! Oh what a great, wonderful day you have created for yourself and your son. I sometimes write "HIII?" on the palm of my hand when I am having a rough day and it reminds me to judge each action's importance and give it its rightful (true) attention.

Thanks for sharing such a great triumph!

All the best for you and your son today!

Petunia