katkelly

A very dear friend has me worried. He only drinks beer, but it appears to be constant. I saw him for 1 hr today and he was already on his 4th beer and this was before noon. He was going out to a friends house and then a family members after that. I know there will be beer there and it isn't within walking distance. He already had a dui and I have been seeing an increase in the drinking. It is everyday and there are times he drinks 7 or 8 beers within a few hrs. He always has a case available. He is nasty and angry all the time, yet he blames it on his work situation. He was off from work for vacation and did nothing but drink. The drinking escalated while he was unable to drive during his dui. It hasn't stopped since then. He insists he is able to drive even after a 6 pack! I can't talk to him about it because he gets nasty. I think he has a problem, but am not sure if I should be concerned. It worries me that he drives. Also, he takes prescription meds for depression, so I am certain I have a legit cause for concern. Am I wrong to be worried?

itsjustme1968

I think he has a problem. My AH is the same way. He has been at the bar all day. I have seen him drive home when he cant even walk. He has also got meaner over the years. He plans on spending Christmas with his bar buddys because they love him. It it very sad to see what they do to themselfs. I know I cant be around him anymore. It hearts my Heart to see him doing this.
We have been together for 25 year. There is no talking to them. Im sorry you are seeing this. I know it hurts.

Willybluedog

Dear katkelly, welcome to SR family, thank you for being a good and caring friend.

They say one beer or mixed drink per hour is the max for an average sized person to stay under the legal limit, add anti-depressants to his alcohol intake and you have a very dangerous situation.

If it was me I and I knew he was on the road I would report him.

Best of luck to you,

Bill

You cannot "fix" his drinking problem, but you can help prevent him from hurting an innocent person on the road.

Pelican

Welcome to SR!

Please pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home. You will find information and understanding in these pages.

Yes, it does sound like your friend has a problem with drinking.
You are correct that drinking and prescription meds are not a healthy combination.

I know it seems like you should be able to reason with your friend and bring them into understanding of how unhealthy these choices are. However, it doesn't work that way with addiction. With addicts, you are no longer dealing with rational behavior.

One of the things that helped me when I was trying to convince my alcoholic of how harmful his choices were - was the 3 C's of addiction. The three C's help me understand that the addiction was not mine to own or fix. The addiction belonged to another adult.

The three C's:
I did not Cause it
I will not Control it
I can not Cure it

Your friend chooses to self-medicate. Your friend is also choosing to mix alcohol with prescription meds. Those are his rights as an adult in this society.

It seems hard-hearted to step away and allow such self destructive behavior to continue. It's not. It is a step towards dignity for the other adult to make their own personal choices while you are stepping away from the chaos of said choices.

Please stick around, you will find more stories like yours on this page. We understand.

katkelly

I know I am not alone here. and I thank you all for that. He has become a stranger to me. When I went to see him today - he was still in his pajamas at 11:15 but had a beer in his hand. No breakfast or coffee or anything - first thing he was having was a beer. He doesn't even take a break after finishing one - he is throwing out the can and getting another one. It is as if he is in a race. He is about to lose his home, due to his dui but he acts as if he is better than everyone else. Is that normal behavior for an alcoholic? I am not familiar with the characteristics, but I find his behavior so odd, especially for him. This was originally a man who took pride in all he did. Now he just complains and argues about everything. I know he doesn't drink at work, but I have been at his house when he arrives home and he doesn't even take his coat off before he opens a beer.

Pelican

Here are some key characteristics of alcoholic behavior: Denial, manipulation, blame-shifting, lying, and denial. Did I mention denial?

Here is a link to a sticky (older permanent post at the top of this page) and it contains classic excuses alcoholics make:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lics-make.html

jessiec

It sounds to me he definitely has a (or more) problem(s). That he always drinks, sees nothing wrong with driving after drinking, already has a DUI on his record and is defensive all say a lot. And that depression/precriptions are involved stir the mix that much more. Your friend likely does need some sort of help, but he will need
To decide that.

tjp613

Hi katkelly -- Welcome -- I hear a lot of "worry" and "concern" in your posts. The lightbulb moment for me a while back was when I realized that "worry" will not change the outcome (an old saying around here). Your worry and concern won't change the situation in any way other than to make you lose sleep. Short of locking him up in a room there is absolutely nothing you can do that will make him stop. So get out there and live your own life worry-free. Hopefully the pain of losing your friendship will help him take one stop closer to facing his problems.

If you're interested in reading about the effects of drinking so much alcohol, I suggest "Under the Influence" by Milam and Ketcham

NYCDoglvr

I've learned that what active alcoholics do is none of my business. Unless someone asks me what I think I don't volunteer it. It's not always easy to do, of course, because I think I know best and can fix everyone's life. Except my own, of course.

katkelly

Tjp613, You are correct I am worried and concerned for my friend. He has been a good friend for more than 10 years. I have put some space between us, but I worry that there will be no one to check on him and be sure he is o.k. I am tired of all the excuses, such as "oh, I can't have a few beers on my days off" or "I only had 2" (that is after he has consumed about 4 or 5). He never listens to anyone - a bit of a controlling person. His daughter told me he forgets things that he says or things that you tell him. I too have noticed the same. I have had enough, but again I will say I worry cause his family lives a distance away, and only see him one or 2 times a month, therefore, they don't see the mess that I see. He keeps his home impeccable, but that's cause he can not sit still. It drives me crazy to watch him decide to clean the gutters out after he just complained he was tired and needed to relax. It comes out of nowhere.