craftyreader

I'm new here; and I don't even know where to begin. My husband is sitting next to me in the hospital trying to sleep while he's going through withdrawal--hallucinations, tremors, the whole thing.

I feel stupid because I didn't realize how heavily his drinking was and what it was doing. On Monday & Tuesday, we thought he had the flu--bad diarrhea, puking, chills, fever--couldn't keep anything down. Wed, he was better but started hallucinating that night, getting dizzy, disoriented. Thought it was because he'd been off his anti-depressants and just started taking them again (honestly thought it was serotonin syndrome). Thursday, called home to check on him; he was completely hallucinatory, brought him to the ER. They brought in neurologists, medical team, etc to check him out and try to figure it out.

While we were in the ER waiting to be admitted upstairs, he said "I thought this was an intervention for the alcohol." I asked him what he meant and he said he thought I brought him in for all of his drinking. He started telling me he's been drinking 13-14 beers/shots a week. The doctors asked more questions about his history: he's been drinking since he was 19 (he's 45), and has always done so.

After thinking the hallucinations were from toxic anti-depressants, the doctors finally said it's alcohol withdrawal; pretty severe--that his long history of drinking is part of it. Monday & Tuesday sickness was the start of the withdrawal; the hallucinations & tremors are just part of it.

So. I have family members who are alcoholics, and it runs in my family. I feel stupid because I should have seen this, should have been more aware. I'm scared because I don't know what to do next. I'm embarrassed because I don't know how to explain this to our friends, or if we even do that. I'm angry at myself because I should have seen this happening, right?

starflier

craftyreader, there are many more people here, far more experienced than I am, who may be able to give you advice. I am here to give you hope. I have been through similar experiences, and from my perspective, it's not your fault that you didn't know what was happening. Now that you do, well, now that's a different story. Please, take care of yourself, and there will be others coming along shortly. Meanwhile, hugs to you. I know it's hard. Terribly hard.

MsGrace

Crafty...please don't beat yourself up because of anything you did or did not do! My husband relapsed right under my nose and I couldn't spot it for 9 months! Talk about dense! But here is the deal: Very few of us were experts in alcoholism and its symptoms, traits and characteristics until we hit a severe crisis. How would you know this stuff until you have a reason to learn it? Al Anon is such a help to me and from the suggestions there, one of the first things I did was really dig in and learn about the disease.

This is a time to nurture yourself and learn about the disease so you can navigate your way to whatever your next step might be...but please don't let your next step be beating yourself up. You need a hug and here is one for you (((((hug))))))

Threshold

Crafty, Welcome.

I am coming at this issue from both sides, recovering addict myself and friends/family with addicts.

Addiction can be a sneaky thing. Many addicts hide it, from themselves, loved ones, and employers. We do what we can to maintain the appearance of normality, while we fall to desperate behaviors in secret.

So,no, you shouldn't have necessarily seen it happening. Alcoholism presents itself in different ways in different people.

The thing is that you see it now, and wow, you are wasting NO time in addressing it. Awesome!

It sounds like you care about your husband, and yourself as well.

Don't blame yourself. You didn't make him an alcoholic.

I know this revelation of the depth of his drinking must be knocking you off your feet. Stay close to these forums, you are not alone. There is help for you and him, should he seek it.

jessiec

I agree with MsGrace! None of this is your fault or the result of you not being smart enough! You are just fine! You are now aware. And what matters is the present and the future! Hugs!

Willybluedog

Welcome crafty,

First of all, here's a big ol bear hug for you, and there are plenty more where that came from!

Please stop being so hard on yourself, he has been hiding it from you, as you know alcoholics are master manipulators, liars, con artists, etc.

You need to worry about you, are you getting enough sleep, eating right, taking time for yourself to meditate, work through your anger, etc.

If you are not already in counseling please get in to see someone so you can talk this through, aso consider getting to an al-anon meeting.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing, there are lots of people helping you husband, probably not near as many helping you.

I will be here if you want to vent, rant, talk, need a shoulder, need propping up, or need a hug.

You will be in my prayers, best of luck to you.

Bill

LifeRecovery

Crafty-

I agree with the above posts but just wanted to say a big welcome to you.

I knew my husband's drinking was a problem two weeks after I got married, but it took me five years to do something about it. It takes time.

Also Al-anon is a program similar to AA, but for people that are friends and family members of alcoholics. Like it said above I have learned a lot in that program, and from counseling, and from reading up on addiction.

I am sorry for the reason that got you here....but glad you are here.

JoySeeker

13-14 drinks a week. That's about 2 drinks a day. Are you sure that's all he has been drinking all these years?

nicam

This struck me as odd too. It seems like too small an amount (most As don't stop at 2), but I guess if you're doing it every single day without fail... XABF puts 13-14 drinks away every 2-3 days and my mom probably averaged that many in ONE day before getting sober (25 years later).

Crafty, alcoholism is so powerful it hoodwinks everyone involved. A's become masters of deceit and manipulation and often times we are totally unsuspecting. It's A LOT harder to spot than you'd think, especially when you don't expect it from (and trust) the particular person.

Hugs to you, and take good care of yourself through all this!

craftyreader

Thank you all; this is really helpful to hear.
I think the 13-14 drinks/week is what he told me; his mom & him saw the psychiatrist yesterday when I wasn't here; he told the psych it was 15-16. So, it's might even be more than that.

He's doing ok; still withdrawing, I guess. I hope the psychiatrist comes back today; I want to know what to do next.

sesh

Sorry you're going through this.
I must say I don't think it is 15 or 16 that is causing this, it has to be much, much more to cause such severe withdrawal, but I'm not a doctor and that is only my opinion, and I'm saying it only so you consider the possibility he is nowhere close to honest. JMHO.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're not stupid. It is hard to know things people are hiding from us.
I remember the first time my RAH went through withdrawal, he was in hospital for jaw surgery, and thus not drinking, he was sweating, tremor, and I thought he is scared because of the surgery. I had no idea. I knew he is drinking a lot, but I didn't know the first thing about withdrawal. With my dad being an A all my life I should have but I didn't. I took me few years and another withdrawal to figure out what happened there.

Sadly now I am an expert.
The best advice I can give you on what to do next is to educate yourself about alcoholism. SR is a great place for that.

And in regard to your husbands drinking, unfortunatelly there is nothing you can do about that, that is completely up to him. He will figure some things out from this experience or he won't, it is not in your power to make him see if he can't see it for himself.

Stick around and welcome!