JackyV

Hello everyone. I have been reading here for a while now. This is my first post. My name is Jacky. I got married when I was 20, had two children 18 months apart. He and I were married for 10 years. He was an alcoholic, and I went to alanon, therapy, and got us out of that mess. I was working and raising my kids, met this wonderful man. 2 years later, we move in together. There were many red flags that I should have known to avoid, but I was in love. He was very good to myself and my children. We got pregnant, and have a son together. He is now 7. My older two children are both in college and live on campus. So, after I got my older children into college, I decided to quit my job and go back to school myself. This man has always had an alcohol problem, but not every day or week, so it was mostly manageable. I did leave him about 5 years ago. I had found out he was doing cocaine. He admitted it, didn't go to rehab or anything, but things did get better for a while. I'm trying to not leave anything out here. So, nearly as soon as I quit working and entered school, this man changed!!!!! He has turned into the meanest person I have ever met. He hasn't hugged or attempted to since October. The only time he is even remotely nice to me is when he has been drinking.He sleeps on the couch. I don't argue or fight about it anymore. He goes out drinking about twice a week, which is actually nice because the evening is peaceful and quiet for me and my son. We don't fight around him because we don't even really speak anymore. Last night, Christmas Eve, though I did get upset with him. He was with his father all afternoon, which is fine. he came inside around 7, and then said he had to go to pick up something. Told our son he would be right back so we could do the Christmas eve stuff. We always let the kids open one gift. So we waited until 830. My son tried to call his father, but he didn't answer, of course. So I sent a text saying I was letting our son open his gift. So, we did that, and the rest of our routine. I got him to sleep and here comes the ABF all drunk. I yelled a bit. Of all nights to go out drinking. CHRISTMAS EVE..He agreed with me and told me how worthless he is. No remorse whatsoever. I know that was a waste of my time. And today was okay. Had a great day with family. Tonight, I was trying to tell him something and he kept snipping at me. I said something about his attitude, and he told me he is tired of me and that I should leave. All these years, and he waits until I am jobless and in school to act this way????I hate the thought of quitting school, but I don't know how much more I can take. I'm back in alanon, and am trying to find a counselor. My heart is just heavy tonight. I feel like I have no good options right now. Sorry so long,

Thanks for reading
Jacky

chicory

Hi Jacky, and welcome. I'm sorry that you are going through this, and sad on Christmas day. We understand, and know what you are going through.

I would suggest you consult a lawyer before leaving , if you decide to do so. It is always good to know your rights and your options too. do you have family nearby, or good friends for support? alanon is good, and that will help you a lot. I am glad you posted, I know you need the support and encouragement you will find here.

Hugs,
Chicory

TakingCharge999

(((Jacky)))
Just sending some hugs...
I have experience dealing with someone similar, going to the HW store for bread is a recipe for frustration. Better accept we cannot change anyone. And focus on what is under our control...
I hope you get a good counselor soon.
(((Hugs)))

Seren

Hi Jacky,

Welcome to SR! This is a great place full of information and support!

I'm so sorry to hear about your Christmas Eve. Perhaps it's time to get back to Al-Anon? I found face-to-face support to be invaluable. You learned the tools, and they have not changed.

You did not cause his drinking.
You cannot control his drinking.
You cannot cure him.

Welcome, again! We're glad you're here......
HG

Ladybug0130

My ex-AH seemed like a decent, responsible guy and great father to me too, until I quit my stable corporate job of 10 years to be a SAHM! I don't know if I just noticed it more because I was home or if he felt pressure to be the sole breadwinner or WHAT it was, but it was terrible. Immediate and drastic change in personality. I had to leave him about eight months ago and go back to work. It's been a struggle to get decent employment and it is nothing $$ wise like I had before. I am going to advise my daughter to never quit supporting herself, I got so burned.

Just wanted to say I feel for ya. I guess you have to follow your dreams, but it's going to be hard to excel in school while dealing with him.

cmjames84

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is not your fault. I was living with my ex ABF and ended up having to quit school and hated it. Then he threw in my face how I was quitting and should stay with him to at least finish school.

It may stink if you do have to quit, but your sanity is more important and you can always go back.