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Xmas and he just relapsed 3 days ago

Old 12-22-2011, 06:53 PM
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Xmas and he just relapsed 3 days ago

I told my story now a few times. But i got really quit the problem, I am not sure what i should do.
After my ABF went to Detox and then for a few weeks to AA, he started drinking again. The consequences are for him, that he isn't aloud to stay at my place. So he isn't right now. Christmas is coming. Guess i can't make an exception for this day either? I am sure he is gonna stay at my door again. He calls every day a few times and I ignore it. I just don't know how much longer. I told him AA or nothing. He knows that. But Christmas time is hard. And its kinda brutal to let him sit outside. Right now, he kinda has no place to go. He might stay in a hotel or maybe a friend. But he doesn't have his own place, since he usually lifes with me.
Its hard, because over a month ago, I thought he hit rock bottom, and he went to detox and AA, and now he starts all over. All together he went 4 times to Rehab. He was sober altogether I guess 4 or 5 years. Since a year he tries to quit again. This was his second try this year for quitting. But as soon he has money, everything is forgotten and he starts drinking again.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:57 PM
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It's his decision to live this way, not yours. Keep your boundaries in place. Going to rehab over and over does no good. He already knows the drill, he just doesn't want to stop drinking. Until he does, nothing is going to change with him. He's trying to manipulate and guilt-trip you when he sits at your door. Don't play his games. Find somewhere to go or something to do.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:37 PM
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Ya I know. I just feel bad for Christmas.
He just called me again, and I just told him go back to AA and be sober, and everything is open. As long as u drink, as long u are not willing to change, and as long u are not going to AA, no coming back.
But he can be a though cookie tho. He loves to turns my words around, he always makes me feel guilty. But i mean, honestly what he doesn't understand ?
Ya its sad. I kept myself all day busy. Went for a drive, went shopping, visiting friends...holy. But i can't keep doing that all the time, beeing so busy makes me tired. I need vacation and for that i need to win the lottery lol
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:59 PM
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When you start seeing the revolving swinging door thing with detox-rehab it does get pretty sad. You start wondering if any of it will ever stick and you start wondering if they truly want to live sober. He won't be out in the streets-he can either stay with a friend or get a hotel room. You've already set your boundaries- I would stick to them regardless if it's Christmas or not.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:15 PM
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He's sitting at your door? Like, all day and all night?
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:22 PM
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once in a . . .
 
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i understand - i really do -
but ya know - being tired from being busy is really really better than being crazy!

hang in there!
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:24 PM
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oh no, no he isn't sitting at my door all day or night. How would he be able to drink. It was much more a saying. He would come and ring my door and he stays maybe there for a few moments. Mostly he calls or text. Sorry English isnt my native language and sometimes it might sounds odd, when I try to translate a saying from my own language into English.
I have to say for the question, that he isn't on the street. He was in the military before, and got posted here, where i life. He is from Ontario. So after he got kicked out of the Army, he didn't make many friends. He had one friend he was lifeing with before, but he owes him money, and all other friends I know off, wouldn't take him. And money for a hotel,...well someday he is gonna be broke and if he didn't make any friends by then, he will sit on the street eventually someday
Ya the rollercoaster, from rehabs and detox and AA is the hard time. U never know, when he really wants to quit for good or will he ever.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:31 PM
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Oh, it didn't come out odd, there are some people who actually do that.

Curious, what is your native language?
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:55 PM
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German. I moved to Canada 4 years ago :0)
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