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Hi all am new here........re-directed here from another forum which incidently was a hobby forum but a place where i created another user name and had a vent. They where very supportive but i thought my vents would be better here
Please bear with me as this could be long.........
Am 30 yrs old and live with my partner, we have been together 10 years and have 2 children - 6 and 8. In the past my partner had a heroin problem for 7 years from an early age and quit around 1 year before he met me. He has never had a drugs problem since, but has an addictive personality and likes a drink (or 10). Now 18 months ago he left a very well paid job to become self employed. The business is taking a very long time to get started (which was expected) but since leaving his job over the past 6 months especially he has become very moody/off hand and argumentative with me especially, am thinking depression and having no structure - ie sleeping in till late etc.....he has always liked a drink but lately its got worse. He has a friend who works mon - fr (teacher) this man is in his 50s (partner is 29) drinks heavily most evenings despite holding down a teaching job, being married and couple of kids. My OH was always round there during the 6 week break a few times per week drinking from about 11am all day getting wasted.....on wine and whiskey. They polished off 3 bottles one night from about 4pm onwards....i could tell you lots of examples of when hes never came home through drink, where him and his friend have drunk from 11am right through.
After a drinking period a few weeks ago which lasted about 4 weeks of getting hammered about 3x per week with this said person we had a chat and he agreed to cut it out. Which he did, up until the school broke up last friday and friend was off work.......we always have blazing rows when hes been drinking, hes so aggressive and nasty, telling me no-one likes me, everyone hates me blah blah......next day hes apologetic but then starts again,
His mum came round with christmas gifts for kids, she also brought us a 70cl Jack daniels and an expensive bottle of wine(wine for me). Finished work at 230pm today, guess whos there? the friend - been on the whiskey since 1pm, and my wine, by 6pm the full bottle and the wine has gone and there now at the pub
Pissed off is not the word. I work dam hard everyday (lucky to get 1 day off per week) already been to the docs with stress and am generally tired out and worn down due to ai all.
Its not nice for the kids, they pick up on it although i do try and avoid confrontations ESPECIALLY when the kids are around.
Living in a small rural villiage people notice am from a big town and dropped everything to move here 3 years ago.......its just not on.
Its easy to say oh leave but its not as simple as that..................
*SIGH*

Pelican

Hi and welcome to the SR family!

You will find information and support for yourself here. Please feel free to read and post as much as needed.

Some excellent reading material at the top of the forum pages in Stickies (older, permanent posts). Some of our stories are in those stickies and loads of wisdom from members who have been right where you are today!

This is one of my favorite stickies that helped me while living with active alcoholism:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Willybluedog

Hello Search, welcome to the SR family, so glad you are here, so sorry for all you are going through.

This is a great place to vent, so many of us have been through the same thing at one time or another.

Counseling and al-anon have been very helpful in my recovery, my mom has been an alcoholic almost my whole life (I am 49).

Please check out the Adult Children of Alcoholics Forum for a better understanding of the damage done to children who grow up with an alcoholic parent.

Hope everything works out for you, best of luck.

Bill

dollydo

My hobby used to be...being codependent on my exabf...got a new hobby! Recovery, so much better for me...and so much more productive and fun focusing on me!

Please take the time to read all the stickies at the top of this forum and the Family & Friends of Substance Abusers, a wealth of information at your fingertips.

I would also check out Alanon and read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie.

Keep posting it will help.

search

He got back about 30 mins ago, the arguments started already and i can't help but cry am dreading xmas this year, just another excuse for a drink.....

Meant to be going for a meal with said friend and his wife (who i get on with well) tomorrow night, was looking forward to a ctach up but suddenley not feeling up for it now.

He is in strong denial, dosent think he has a problem

I don't want to deal with this, am fed up and feeling very sad and stressed out i want to be able to enjoy xmas etc but how can i with this horrible man around??

All my friends are in happy relationships, there partners wouldnt dream of treating them like he treats me

My close friends/family live 90 mile away, i feel very alone

Pelican

Living with active alcoholism is very lonely for the sober partner.

I felt like I had been replaced by a new love: Beer.

Alcohol became the focus, and anything that got in the way.......was not tolerated.

I have a suggestion for tonight:

if he has been drinking - do not engage him in conversation.

I could not have rational conversations with an irrational drunk.

search

I just let him go to bed when he got back (after the argument of course) spent most of the night with him snoring (after drinking), which isnt fun when you need to be up early for work, the sofa/another bed is not optional sadly so i waited for him to fall asleep.
He woke this morning saying he doesn't understand what my problem is?! he says i have my horses and love them and he has his drinking and loves that, he says hes not stopping as it is like me trying to give up my horses??!! totally unhealthy opinion. I have decided i won't be visiting his mum and family on boxing day - its always alcohol based as they have a party, which is a shame as i do like his family but he will be drinking heavily and no doubt become abusive toward me (verbally) i don't need it
Am waiting to get my car and saving for a deposit because I've decided after i have saved up enough me and the kids are outta here..............

Willybluedog

Nothing like the logic of an addict to make your head blow off, so glad you all are going to get out of there.

Big hugs and best of luck to you,

Bill