Ellensburg

Amy 55, just reread your posts... they help me a great deal... Thank-you... I hope you had a good Christmas.

amy55

Hi Ellen,

I had a pretty good Christmas, better than I thought it would be. Hope you had a good Christmas also.

Of course for about 2 weeks, I thought of the Christmas's past. And I realized that they were just awful. Everything that I had bought my ex was just wrong, and he wouldn't wear it, so then I started to wear them, and that's when he took it back from me. (lol)

Now, I am no longer wearing mens clothing. I wear my own. I still like mens clothing, but I now get them in a size that fits me better.

When does it end, or when does it stop? I can't answer that. I think it was only a few months ago, that I stopped cuddling my pillow.

What I did discover about myself, was that while yes, I wanted to reconcile, but I think it had more to do, with I wanted to feel validated. I really don't think I even loved him for the last 10 years of my marriage. I wanted to be hugged and cuddled and to feel like I was special, but I think it was more because I wanted to feel validated

wicked

This might seem like strange advice, but maybe if you got a small rescue pet. My mini dachshund is my best friend, she loves me unconditionally, and is always there with support.
You can use your desire to help someone to help a pet who needs it.
Just a thought. Take a look around a web site or two. :ghug3

Beth

bluebelle

I encourage you to get help from an organization for abused women and/or from your conselor. You mentioned your kids. It is very hard on them when their mother is being abused. It is very scary and confusing for the kids. I know, because my mom was an abused woman. The violence always got worse until she completely left them. Yeah, the boyfriend or husband would want her back and make all kind so fpromises. There would be a brief period of time that was like a honeymoon situation, where things were better. Then, the violence would escalate between the two of them. She ended up with broken bones and bruises all over her body. My father tried to choke her to death. This is an extremely dangerous situation and is very serious. I have seen this downward spiral many times, and alcohol/drugs only makes it worse. You are worth it. Your kids are worth it.

nicam

Amy55 I want to thank you too! Reading your posts really hit home.

Ellen, I wish I would have gotten DV therapy/support immediately after my ex nearly choked me to death. That was when the PTSD really worsened. It was a delayed reaction and the effects lasted a long time. We are desensitized, the effects of an incident like this are lurking beneath the surface. I still have flashbacks... Talking to someone will help you feel better and really helps with Codie stuff. Literally thought of ways to have him killed too, hit him, etc. No bueno.

I also wish I would have called the cops and pressed charges. God, do I wish I could turn back time! He might be in prison now rather than using and abusing others.